


Of Duties and Magic Spells

by AvalonianPriestess (StormyWords)



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, Always A Girl Merlin, F/M, POV First Person, Slow Burn, Some depictions of violence, long fic, potentially dark merlin, some original plot, some rewrite
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2016-09-03
Packaged: 2018-05-29 07:16:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 48,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6364573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormyWords/pseuds/AvalonianPriestess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I needed to meet the great sorceress who would unite the land of Albion with Arthur Pendragon at her side!” the dragon said as if it were obvious. “How small and feminine you are for such a great destiny.”<br/>How could I be expected to protect Arthur’s life if I hoped every day that there would be an accident on the practice field with the knights? Or a tragic hunting accident? I sighed. Perhaps saving his life at the feast was more than impulse, it was destiny. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>(A First person POV, slow burn, sexual tension feast, long!fic. Some rewritten episodes, some original plot.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've never been a genderswap genre fan, but for some reason the fem!merlin/arthur trope has gotten stuck in my head. I've exhausted the collections written already, and needed to write my own.  
> Enjoy everyone! We're all in for a long ride. xoxo

_It isn’t going to be forever. I’m going to go home soon._

Those were the only thoughts that kept me walking towards Camelot. The tears from leaving my mother and my home, Ealdor, had long dried and dirt and dust had taken their place on my cheeks. Leaves and twigs were surely stuck in my long black hair, braided for travel. I would have to stop before I reached town and wash up in a stream. I didn’t want to ask Gaius for a job while looking like I lived in a cave.

I thought of my mother back home- she was the reason I was going to Camelot. I remembered her stooped low over our fire at home to warm her muscles, her eyes closed and her brow furrowed. She was growing too old to labor as much on the farms as she had in the past. We had borrowed money from friends and neighbors, and then our debts (as well as many others’) had been bought by the king’s men who patrolled our village. Now those debts had to be repayed, with interest. So I, as my mother’s only daughter, set off to Camelot in search of work. She called in a favor to an old friend of hers, the court physician, for me to stay with him while I worked and sent money home.

It took another day to reach Camelot, including making a stop to bathe just outside the town. The hustle and bustle inside the walls of Camelot was like nothing I had ever seen before! There were people hurrying here and there, working and shopping and talking. But there was a hushed, solemn, and almost fearful air to the people of Camelot. The peoples’ eyes were downcast and flitting, their speech quick and simple.

Just as I wondered if there was something going on, I heard a loud man’s voice announcing to a small crowd at the base of the castle. He, the king, spoke of how magic was outlawed and chaotic. I swallowed hard and nervous butterflies rose in my stomach. Before coming to Camelot, I knew magic was illegal, but I had never expected to be confronted with a beheading in my first hour here. The execution was quick and deliberate, and the king announced a feast to celebrate. That nervous butterfly feeling turned to disgust and anger that radiated out from my stomach and chest. My palms tingled with magic, and I clenched them.

The man’s mother wailed in grief and everyone stopped to look at her. She threatened the king’s son before using a whirlwind like spell to disappear. I was captivated but frightened, I had never seen anyone else use magic, let alone to threaten someone. After she was gone, the townspeople scattered in fear, some screaming and many running. Soon the area was clear of any people except me and a few guards so I left to find Gaius.

I knew Gaius lived in the castle, but I didn’t know where. A man was walking confidently in the opposite direction of me in the halls. He must know where Gaius was.

“Excuse me, can you please tell me where Gaius, the court physician, lives?” I asked the man who appeared as if he had not even noticed me in the hall.

He looked me up and down with narrowed blue eyes and I grew self-conscious of whether or not I had washed off all of the dirt from the forest. “I could. Who are you?” he asked in a sneering tone. I bristled at his judgmental tone.

“Someone who asked politely where Gaius lives,” I snapped back, my own blue eyes glaring up at him. I straightened the skirts of my blue dress. There were mud stains on the bottom and a few tears from travel, but surely he had not noticed the flaws that quickly.

“You should have some respect!” The man demanded as he stood up straighter, looking down his nose at me.

“Oh, because respect is something so obvious in this town! A man was just executed in front of everyone! Regardless of his crime, his death was made a spectacle!” I practically shouted. Heat rose to my cheeks and my palms itched with magic again. I had been here not even an hour and I was already enraged. I wanted nothing more than to turn back and go home.

“What is your name, girl?” He demanded.

“Merlin.”

“Well, Merlin, do you know how to walk on your knees?” He threatened with a laugh.

“Excuse me?” I was appalled.

He hesitated, as if he had not meant a crude meaning. “I mean, you should have some respect for your superiors.”

“Who do you think you are, the King?” I crossed my arms across my chest.

“I’m his son, Arthur,” the man said tauntingly as he leaned down towards me, asserting his power. “Guards! Put her in the stocks!”

“What?!” I sputtered as two men grabbed my arms and dragged me out to the stocks. “I didn’t- I didn’t know!”

“Oh! And Gaius is the second door on the left. Welcome to Camelot, Merlin,” Arthur laughed as he continued his walk down the corridor.

After a disgusting afternoon in the stocks and an embarrassing first meeting with Gaius, I was settled in the bedroom up the stairs in his chambers. A girl who works in the castle, Gwen, had offered to help me clean the food from my hair. One of the guards who arrested me had told her and her father of my argument with Arthur while he was getting some armor repaired, and she took pity on me. She stayed for dinner with Gaius and I, and even gave me a tour of Camelot. She said she would ask if there was any space on the castle staff for me, and for that I was indebted to her.

Over the next few days, I helped Gaius by delivering medications and gathering herbs. In return, he was teaching me about magic in secret. Just as we had gotten into a work flow, and I had potentially found work with a fabric merchant, it all changed.

I was aiding the servants in the kitchen temporarily while one of them was out sick during a feast with the singer Lady Helen. But something was clearly wrong when she started to sing. Her voice was captivating, perhaps too captivating. My eyes stung and itched like I was very tired. I stifled a yawn before I noticed that everyone around me, including Arthur and the king, was falling asleep. I clapped my hands over my ears as I realized what was happening. Lady Helen was using magic! As I struggled to stay awake I realized she was walking towards the head table and pulled a dagger from her sleeve. I looked around to see if anyone else was awake as cobwebs formed on everyone and everything. My breath caught in my throat as I began to panic.

The heightened emotion brought magic bursting at my palms. Lady Helen was under the candle fixture and I knew what I had to do. I used magic to cut the thick ropes and chains that held the fixture to the ceiling and it fell on top of the singer.

Everyone awoke, confused and scared. I stepped forward to make sure Lady Helen was dead, but before I got there her disguise melted away. It was the mother of the man who was executed on my first day in Camelot! She had threatened the king’s son’s life in repayment for hers. As this realization struck me, I noticed that the old woman was not dead, as I had suspected, and was rising with the dagger still in hand. She was going to kill Arthur!

The woman threw the dagger and I used my magic and slowed time, just as I had done my first time meeting Gaius. It was just enough time for me to sprint to Arthur and push him out of the way. Colliding with him was like running straight into a wall, but I managed to tackle him to the ground. My heart pounding in my chest I heard gasps and shouts of anger and fear from all around me and I yanked Arthur around to face me, my hand on his chest where the dagger had been aimed. He was safe- I had saved him. He stared at me, gaping, with his blue eyes wide with confusion and fear.

“Are you okay?” I asked, but before he could answer I was pulled to my feet by the king.

It was a blur, but I was rewarded with a position in the royal house. A good paying job!

“You will be rewarded with a position as Arthur’s servant,” King Uther announced.

What.

Arthur and I exchanged glances and I wanted to go back to Ealdor more than ever. But this was essentially the best paying job in Camelot. I wouldn’t have to stay as long, and the money I sent back to my mother would be quicker. Perhaps this wasn’t the worst possible outcome….

A few days into my new job as Arthur’s servant, I began to hear this voice. A deep commanding voice, that I was sure was in my head. When I was released from my duties the third day of hearing it, I followed the sound further down into the castle than the dungeons. It was dark and damp and smelled of smoke and moss. Fear made my steps unsteady in my threadbare boots which slipped easily on the damp rock.

“Hello?” I called into the dark expanse of the space below the dungeons. My voice echoed around me.

“I am here,” said the voice. Wind blew in a sharp gust and whipped my long black hair away from my face. A real dragon landed on a rock before me. I gasped and stepped back.

“Why do you call me?” I questioned the great animal, my voice wavering.

“I needed to meet the great sorceress who would unite the land of Albion with Arthur Pendragon!” the dragon said as if it we obvious. “How small and feminine you are for such a great destiny.”

“What?” I exhaled.

“Arthur is the Once and Future King who is destined to unite the land of Albion. But not without the protection and support of you and your magic, Merlin,” the dragon explained.

“You’ve got the wrong girl. Arthur and I mostly fight and I’m only his servant. Besides, magic is outlawed in Albion,” I said dismissively and started to back away from the dragon to go back up the stairs.

“You are stuff of legend, Merlin. We’ve been waiting for you,” the dragon said ominously before flapping his great spiny wings again and taking off into the darkness.

I called for him to come back and explain more, but to no avail. More confused than I had ever been in my life, I trekked back up the many stairs to my chambers. I spent most of the night tossing and turning, thinking about what the dragon had said and what it meant. How could I be expected to protect Arthur’s life if I hoped every day that there would be an accident on the practice field with the knights? Or a tragic hunting accident? I sighed. Perhaps saving his life at the feast was more than impulse, it was destiny.

I eventually fell asleep, only to awake and convince myself it was all a dream. No need to tell Gaius that I had dreamt I met a dragon who talked to me about magic and the person with whom I spent most of my waking time. No need to alert the court physician of my delusions.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A glimpse into Merlin's darker potential.  
> A considerable amount of sexual tension.  
> (warning for some violence, blood, and death)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not sure what's going on with some of this formatting, but i don't think it ruins the reading experience so i don't care. Sorry if it bothers you. xoxo

Chapter 2

Working for the newly crowned prince had its perks, I could admit. The money I sent back to my mother in Ealdor was proving to be enough to buy her food and pay back some of her debt. I had decided that after the long days and early mornings of working for Arthur, I deserved a treat. So, while Arthur was meeting with his father, I headed to town with Arthur’s shopping list and a mission to find something for myself.                  

Arthur’s list was simple “Soap, belt buckle, bread from that one cart with the honey” so I finished it first. I sampled some of the sweet bread he requested before I purchased it out of Arthur’s money. It was still warm and sweet and I smiled as I finished my piece and browsed the merchant stands. I considered a nice soap from the stand where I found Arthur’s preferred scent. Maybe something with lavender? I continued to roam and until I came across the fabric merchant who had offered me a job before I became Arthur’s servant. “Good morning, Mary,” I smiled at her.

“Oh, good morning, Merlin,” she replied, but sounded as though it was anything but good.

“What’s the matter?” I asked and approached the stand closer.

“Someone stole our profits from our home last night,” Mary explained while she continued to roll and fold fabrics in an organizational pattern I didn’t understand.

“What?! Mary, I’m so sorry to hear that!” I exclaimed, my heart breaking for the woman. She and her husband worked hard for their profession. There was never a time that there wasn’t dye on their skin and cuts on their fingers.

“It’s no big thing. It wasn’t much,” Mary said dismissively. But I knew that it while it may have not been a large sum, but to them it was a lot.

“That doesn’t matter, it shouldn’t have happened! I’ll tell Arthur and he will do something about it,” I promised.

Mary blushed and put down her work. “No, don’t bother the prince with our little troubles. He has much more important business to attend to.”

“Did you say you were burgled?” A servant nearby asked.

“Yes, from our home last night,” Mary replied.

“My employer, Lord Houser, was also burgled. Though he is a noble and their silver dining ware was stolen. I have heard of a few other cases, as well,” the man said.

“Nobles and common folk alike? That’s got to be a first,” Mary almost laughed.

                “I will definitely make sure Arthur is made aware of this,” I said determinedly. Something strange was going on, and he had to know about this.

                “Well then, for you my dear, fabric is discounted!” Mary said kindly and dug around before emerging with a deep ruby red fabric. “A servant of the royal house should be wearing the royal colors!”

                “It’s wonderful!” I exclaimed happily. I had found my treat at last!

                “Ask that lovely Gwen, the blacksmith’s daughter, to sew you a dress. She’s quite the talent!” Mary offered.

                “I will, thank you Mary,” I replied and paid for the fabric. It was nothing rich or anything a noble would wear, but the fabric was beautiful and dyed like nothing I had ever worn before.

                I still had time so I found Gwen at her home. The Lady Morgana was away visiting family, so Gwen was free of duties that morning. She agreed to create a dress from the fabric I had just purchased, and I was to pay for the work and pick it up when she finished it. We chatted while she took my measurements and sketched out a dress for me. The neckline she had drawn was much lower than I was used to, but she insisted that it would not impede on my work and that it would look acceptable. I reluctantly agreed, mostly because she was fast becoming a great friend and that meant I had to trust her judgement.

                It was nearing lunch when we both left her home to go and serve our employers. I was content and smiling as I gathered Arthur’s lunch to bring up to him. Sunlight slanted through the windows in Arthur’s chambers and a small fire crackled in the fireplace. Arthur was standing, leaning against his bedpost, reading something from a long roll of parchment. I set the tray down on the table and went to tend to the fire.

                “Your lunch, sire,” I said and worked on the fire.

                “Thank you,” he mumbled, still reading while he sat at the table.

                I considered Arthur’s preoccupation with what he was reading before I informed him of the burglaries. He finally finished reading when he was halfway through his lunch and I was gathering up his clothes to be washed. He groaned and set the parchment down.

                “Everything alright?” I asked as I put his dirty clothes into a woven basket.

                “What? Oh, yeah, everything is fine. I have to approve of this doctrine now that I’m officially crowned prince. It’s so much reading,” he replied with a sigh.

                “Well, I have something that could distract you,” I suggested. The doctrine could wait, the people of Camelot were growing suspicious of their friends and neighbors.

                Arthur turned hard in his seat to face me, the chair scraping sharply on the stone floor. He swallowed his mouthful of food in one go. “What?” he gasped, shocked.

                I paused, why did he react like tha- …oh. He thought I meant _I_ was the distraction. A blush rose to my cheeks and neck. I could have died right then and it would have been perfectly acceptable. My mouth went dry and my voice came out as a strange croak. “I was in the town and Mary, the fabric merchant, told me that she and her husband had been burgled of their profits last night.”

                “Oh,” Arthur seemed to relax. “They need to take proper care of their profits, then.”

                “Sure, but then a servant of Lord Houser told us that his employers had been burgled of their silver dinner ware,” I said and concentrated on the blood leaving my face. “He said he knew of other cases as well.”

                Arthur looked thoughtful. “Nobles and commoners? That is strange. I’ll look into it.”

                “Thank you, sire,” I said, grateful to leave his chambers after the embarrassing exchange.

                Two days later, the knights and Arthur were to patrol areas of the upper and lower towns where the continuing burglaries had occurred with most frequency. The people of Camelot were growing increasingly suspicious of their neighbors, especially those who had not been effected by the burglaries. Fights were breaking out on the streets of the lower town as people struggled to make ends meet.

                I was to go with them that night to keep the knights with water and berries to stay awake. It was late into the night, well after midnight and closer to the servants’ bell. I yawned as Arthur and I entered Lord Houser’s home. He had allowed us to use it as base while the knights patrolled as it was centrally located within the affected area. Arthur mirrored my yawn and sat at the servants’ table in the kitchen. They had had no luck in patrolling for people out of their homes. I sighed, knowing that meant we would be back at it again the next night.

                “What a disappointment,” Arthur said what I was thinking and removed his armor on his own. I hummed in agreement and began to clean up the left over berries and bread.

                He idly watched me work, his chin on his hand at the table, his eyes blinking closed. He was wearing his tunic and trousers, his armor on the table next to him. We were sleepy silent for probably a half an hour before there was noise outside the kitchen.

                “We’ve already been down that way,” a man’s voice said. His accent was not of Albion, I recognized immediately.

                I spun to look wide-eyed at Arthur. He was alert and slowly standing. I pressed a finger to my lips to tell him to be quiet. He looked pointedly at me to say that he was not an idiot.

                “The Lord is staying at the inn this evening, he’s not at home. I saw him there,” another man’s voice said.

                “Wasn’t this the home with the silver?” a third man’s voice asked, closer now. I edged away from the window.

                Arthur extinguished the flame of a small, dim candle on the table by licking his thumb and index finger tip and squeezing the candle wick. There was less smoke that way. It was dark now, only a thin stream of moonlight through the open window meagerly lit the room.

                “It was, and it’s empty,” a fourth man said in a sing-song voice.

                Fear rose in my chest as I realized that we were outnumbered. If they were armed it would be me and Arthur against at least four men. I wouldn’t be able to help unless I used magic. Arthur knew the odds as well. He was the only armed one of us and he wasn’t wearing his armor.

                “The knights just went down that road to the left, so we should be clear for at least a quarter of an hour,” a fifth voice commented, closer to the door now. Or was it the first man again?

                In a blink, Arthur was at my side, grabbing my hand a pulling me towards a door on the far end of the kitchen. He opened it quickly and quietly and pushed me in. I shuffled my feet, realizing it was a broom closet, not wanting to knock into anything. Arthur followed me in, closing the door just as the kitchen door opened. Multiple sets of footsteps entered the house, quiet and measured, they knew what they were doing. Drawers and cupboards opened and footsteps walked past the broom closet.

                I was standing in the broom closet with my left side closest to the door. The broom closet was not a large space and a broom handle was jammed painfully into the center of my spine and Arthur was pressed against my front, facing me. I tried to shift to relieve my spine of the broom handle but Arthur placed a hand on my side, stilling me. Light from a candle from the bandits passed by the broom closet, briefly spilling through a gap in the wood. Arthur was looking down at me and I was suddenly aware of our position. It was entirely improper.

                My heart was pounding in my chest and there didn’t seem to be enough air in the broom closet. I was beginning to panic, there was no way out of this without using magic. Arthur must have heard or felt my panic because he leaned down, his mouth next to my ear.

                “Calm down, Merlin, Leon is due back here any minute and we will capture these bandits,” Arthur barely whispered. His breath hot against my neck. I involuntarily shivered. Perfect, because every movement I made Arthur felt because of our closeness.

                This was wildly inappropriate. We were pressed together tight enough that I could feel every breath he took and hear when he swallowed and when the fabric of his tunic rustled when he moved his hand from my side to check for his sword and put his hand back on my waist. We were so close I could probably feel his- yes, I could. Right there against my hipbone. And my breasts were pushed into his ribcage. Oh, god, I would never be able to look at him in the eye again.

                I took a long, steadying breath and concentrated on my surroundings. I could smell his soap and sweat, the straw of the broom, and the wood of the door. I could hear the footsteps of the bandits, their hushed speaking, and their rummaging. I could feel the broom against my back, Arthur’s berry scented breath on my cheek, and my dress tangled around my legs. My left foot was also beginning to tingle so I shifted my weight. That was a huge mistake. It caused my hips to jut against his with more pressure than before. The bulge in his trousers now directly on the most sensitive part of my body. I froze in fear, embarrassment, and regret. Arthur let out a strained breath.

                “S-sorry! I’m so sorry!” a whisper spilled from my lips just as the front door of the house opened.

                “On me!” Sir Leon’s voice rang out, directing the other knights.

                Arthur burst out of the broom closet pulling his sword from his belt. Sir Leon’s eyes flashed to me still in the closet as he fought the closest bandit.

                I felt chilled in the pre-dawn air now that Arthur’s body heat was gone. I was yanked from the closet by a bandit who raised a dagger to strike me. I instinctively used magic to make the dagger fly from his hand and stick in the wooden ceiling. I had no weapon to fight back physically and the man still had a hold on my arm. I stomped on his foot and smacked and punched at him. He said something menacing to me but I didn’t process his words before he struck me down.

                Rage filled my body and magic snapped at my palms and against the wooden floor, charring it beneath me. I rose to my feet, feeling a thin trickle of blood falling from a cut on my cheekbone from where the bandit hit me. He would regret this. I summoned the dagger from the ceiling and into my hand, approaching the bandit whose eyes widened in realization. He saw me use magic. This had to end. I had to release some of this rage, so I let out a scream like battle cry and lunged at the bandit, slicing into his chest. He tried to fight back as he fell backwards from my force, a fist meeting my face again, this time at my jaw. His head snapped at the stone counter top and he slumped to the ground. I kneeled over him and stabbed him once more in the chest. Blood sputtered out of his mouth and I jumped back in realization of what happened- what I had done. The fighting around me was winding down and I heard the clanking of the knight’s armor. I collapsed in a heap next to the fallen bandit with dry, painful sobs wracking at my body. I had never felt that kind of rage before. My magic had never taken over my body like that. What had happened to me!? I had taken someone’s life, something I had never thought would happen in my entire life. My chest felt like it was ripping open and spilling my deep black regret all over the floor.

                It was silent around me except for the labored breathing of the knights. Shame filled me and tears began to fall from my eyes and mixed with the blood from the cut on my face.

                “Did you-?” Arthur asked the men around him.

                A few replied with quiet negative statements and some must have shaken their heads. Arthur was asking if any of them had killed the bandit in front of me. Gentle hands pulled me into a sitting position, with my back against the counter. My hands covered my face and I cried choking sobs.

                “Merlin,” Arthur said in a quiet voice, kneeling in front of me. He pulled my hands from my face to see the cut on my cheek and the bruise blooming on my jaw. He tilted my head up and looked at the cut. “He did this to you?”

                I nodded.

                “And you overpowered him?” Arthur asked as if he didn’t believe me.

                I nodded again.

                “Remind me not to piss you off,” he said, humor in his voice. A few knights chucked behind him. The humor didn’t reach me.

                I looked over at the bandit’s body. Blood had pooled around him on the floor and his eyes were open. I fought a dry gag.

                “I’ll go get Gaius,” Sir Leon said before leaving.

                “Leave us,” Arthur directed the rest of the knights.

                Their armor slid and clanked as they left, the door shutting softly behind them. I chanced a look at Arthur. He had to be mad at me. I wasn’t a knight and I took a life. I murdered someone.

                Arthur was looking at me like he wasn’t sure what to do. “Merlin, he was attacking you. You had no choice.”

                “I murdered him,” my whisper came out dry and scratching. I clutched at the fabric of my dress at my thighs, balling it in my hands.

                “He struck a woman. He bloody well deserved what he got,” Arthur said confidently. “I know you don’t think of me as the most chivalrous knight, but that is something I do not tolerate.”

                “You’re going to arrest me,” I said, looking away. I could see the tops of a few knights’ heads outside the window as sunlight began to peak over the city. The servants bell tolled in the lower town.

                “For what? Being brave?” Arthur scoffed. “Merlin, look at me. You are not being arrested. I am… proud of you.”

                His words still didn’t reach me. I shook my head.

                Arthur stood up and opened and closed a few cupboards. “Aha, I knew that old lush had something in here,” he said and handed me a bottle of something dark. “Drink up, you’ll feel better.”

                I took a long swig of the liquid and swallowed eagerly. Wine. “Good girl,” Arthur said, his voice a bit deeper than usual, with a chuckle and watched me drink. He sat in a kitchen chair, facing me, his elbows on his knee and his hands clasped between his legs.

                Something about the way he said that brought my mind back to our time in the broom closet. “Sorry about the closet,” I said meekly, my voice coming back after the liquid wet my throat.

                He let out a laughing breath and shook his head. “You know what, Merlin? We don’t have to talk about that… ever again.” The smile was still on his mouth.

                “Yes, sire,” I said and drank more.

                Gaius burst through the door, concerned eyes searching for me. Arthur stood up and spoke to Gaius in a hushed tone, his hand on the physician’s arm. I drank deeply.

                “Well I see the knights have medicated you,” Gaius said, approaching me.

                I snorted in a laugh. “Works well.”

                “Alright, Merlin, let’s get you home,” Gaius said and Arthur helped me stand. “I’ll clean that cut for you.”

                “See you after noon, Merlin,” Arthur said. “I’ll need my armor cleaned.” The last part was said less as a command than usual, but more as a promise and an offer. A promise to not reject me, and an offer for my life to go back to normal.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Thanks for reading!
> 
> I think I've mentioned that some of this story will be rewrites of chapters and some original. Well the next two chapters are rewrites of the Ealdor episode with some fun little things thrown in. :)
> 
> I'm not rewriting every episode, so imagine the episodes in between still happen very similarly to the show.
> 
> I will be trying to update at least every weekend? Life gets crazy sometimes so no 100% guarantees.

I had been in Camelot almost six months before I saw my mother again. She arrived in town while I was getting supplies from the merchants in town. My mood rose considerably when I saw her in the marketplace. “Mother!” I exclaimed, rushing to meet her.   
“Oh, Merlin,” She said and hugged me tight against her chest. When I pulled away I noticed a deep purple and blue bruise across her eye and the side of her face.   
“What happened?” I asked, my brow furrowed. “Who did this to you?”   
She looked away, ashamed. “Let us go to Gaius’.”  
Once inside she turned away from me and began to explain. “It was Kanen.”  
“What? But I thought he was getting sufficient payment!” I began to pace the room. My fists balled at my sides.   
“He was. But others in town were not able to pay. We had a weak harvest this summer, Merlin, the weakest in decades according to the elders. So I was helping them pay their debts by sharing the money you were sending. But Kanen felt he was not getting his money fast enough from everyone, so he started taking our harvest. The little we had, I mean. People are starving and they’re not able to purchase any food from neighboring villages,” Mother said and finally faced me. “When Kanen came and took the most recent harvest, I tried to fight him.”  
I felt incredibly guilty over the dress, soaps, and new boots that I had bought since working for Arthur. “Mother, you should have told me what you were doing. I could have been sending more,” I said, shaking my head.   
“It’s not about the money anymore, Merlin,” mother said. “It’s about the safety and survival of Ealdor. Our people will die soon without food.”  
“We should ask for council at the court,” I said confidently. “The King will help us, surely.”  
Though, that was not the case. King Uther denied help, though it was understandable. He was correct in thinking that it would start a war by sending knights from Albion to Ealdor, into another king’s territory. It was disappointing, but I was still needed at home. I would need to fight for my family and friends.   
Gwen and her father were willing to lend me a sword for the fight. But Gwen and Lady Morgana insisted on coming along. My heart swelled at their outpouring of support, but I hesitated. Not only was this fight in Ealdor likely going to need magic, but I fully anticipated it taking my life. It would be unnecessary for it to take their lives, too. Nothing could have stopped the two women, as it were to seem. They were already packed and ready to go before I could have convinced them otherwise. The idea of children and families suffering without food was unacceptable to them.   
I spoke with Arthur before leaving. He was out on a terrace when I met with him. The wind blew his blonde hair about and into his blue eyes. He looked at me very little as I spoke. “Arthur, it’s been a real… honor working for you. But my mother needs me, my village needs me.”  
“I know they do, Merlin. I only wish I could do something to help. But my father’s right, it would be too risky to send men into Ealdor,” he said, his voice flat as he leaned his elbows on the edge of the terrace, looking out over Camelot.  
“He is, I know. I wish you could help, too, but I understand. I only wanted to come tell you good-bye before I left,” I said looking at my boots, fighting the tears that wanted to well up in my eyes.   
“Well, you’ve been terrible,” he said brightly now. “And I mean it, too. Good luck, Merlin.”   
“Thank you, sire,” I said around the lump in my throat and he finally looked at me. I held his unreadable eyes for a moment before smiling a little and walking back into the castle, leaving him in the early afternoon sunlight.   
After packing my things and saying good-bye to Gaius, the four of us were on horseback headed to Ealdor. On horseback it was a two day’s ride, though if we were walking, it was more like four. It was an easy ride, as much of it was on an established path.   
That night we stopped for camp so that mother could rest. Myself, Gwen, and Lady Morgana could have easily continued through the night and made it to Ealdor before sunrise, but Mother was tired and sore from riding. I built a fire while Gwen prepared food. Lady Morgana sat on a log and sharpened the swords we had while chatting with Mother.   
I had thought of little other than the coming fight since leaving Camelot. I knew this was going to go poorly as neither of us were trained to fight. Morgana fancied herself a talented swordswoman, but I had never seen her wield a weapon. Gwen knew how to make the weapons and armor, but was not skilled at wearing the armor and swinging the sword. My mother could surely not fight, and I could but with magic.   
Nervous energy kept me moving and caused me to stay awake while the others rested. Mother stayed up with me and shared her concerns over the coming fight. I fidgeted with sticks and stones around me while she spoke. “These women should not be here; they are not suited for fighting. Especially the Lady Morgana.”  
“You’d think that,” I said, trying to sound confident. “But she’s the only person I know who isn’t frightened.”  
“Kanen is not going to care that we are women,” Mother said. “It will not dull his sword.”  
“I know,” I said and looked away. “But we have to stand and fight. It was their choice to come and they know the risks. We have to try to protect Ealdor as best as we can.”  
Mother looked at me sadly and stroked my hair. “Get some rest, dear. We have a long day ahead of us.”  
“You go on, I’m going to be awake for some time longer,” I said before she went to lay down in her bed roll near the other two women.   
I made shapes in the smoke and embers with magic for Mother before she fell asleep. The release of magic calmed me and I felt ready for sleep soon enough.   
It had been a few hours later, when I awoke to the sound of twigs snapping nearby. Nobody else was awake but my magic was alert and ready for a fight. I sat up, listening hard and I heard the distant sound of a horse snorting. Our horses were nearby; this was someone else. I quietly stood up and picked up the sword Gwen had allowed me to use. My heart beat hard in my chest as I gripped the heavy sword handle and crept away from camp and towards the sound of twigs snapping. Moonlight glittered down onto me as a soft breeze blew the leaves of the trees. I couldn’t focus my eyes enough this far away from the dying fire. I swallowed hard. The sword held out in front of me vibrated as I shook with fear.   
Then the twig snapping sound was right behind me and a sword pressed into the middle of my back. My blood ran cold and my breath caught in my throat.   
“Women shouldn’t be unaccompanied in the forest. A man could get the wrong idea,” a familiar voice said behind me.   
“Arthur!” I exclaimed, relieved, and spun around. He had to quickly duck to avoid the sword that was still in my hands. When he straightened up again I jumped at him, dropping the sword and wrapping my arms around his neck.   
He hesitated before hugging me back and I realized how out of line I was. “Sorry,” I said as I stood back. I would have averted my eyes but I was too excited to see him.   
“You looked ridiculous with that sword, Merlin,” he said and walked passed me towards the camp, picking my sword up off the ground. “This is going to take some serious work.”  
I eagerly followed him and tended to the fire, getting it roaring again. Arthur and I sat around the fire, talking for some time.   
“Does your father know you’re here?” I asked, warming my cold fingers over the fire.   
“No, he thinks I’m on a hunting trip. I asked some of the knights to keep quiet,” he said and idly poked at the fire with a stick.   
“How much further is it from here?” Arthur asked, changing the subject.   
“Probably a few hours of solid riding,” I replied, stretching out my limbs towards the fire.   
“How many men do you or Hunith suppose Kanen has?” Arthur asked, all business.   
“Not sure, but my mother has seen upwards of forty,” I replied and watched for his reaction.   
Arthur hid his reaction well, because I didn’t see anything on his face. Something told me that he was frightened and unsure. I wondered if my magic was becoming connected to Arthur since we shared a destiny. I didn’t ask him to divulge his feelings, though, as it would be inappropriate.   
“You should get some rest, Merlin. We’ve got a lot of work to do tomorrow,” Arthur said flatly.   
“Thank you for being here, Arthur. I know you didn’t have to,” I said before standing.   
“Get some rest,” Arthur said by way of a reply.   
I laid back in my bedroll near Mother and watched as Arthur set his up on the other side of the fire from me. He didn’t remove his chainmail before laying down on top of the blankets, his sword and helmet next to him. I fell asleep thankful and more hopeful than I had been since Mother came to Camelot.   
The next day we rode out again. Stronger now that we knew Arthur was there to help us. We arrived in Ealdor with better time than expected. We arrived just as Kanen and his men were uncovering the hidden grain in the fields. Women and children were crying and men were sheltering them from Kanen’s view, some were being ushered into their homes.   
Had it been any other occasion, it would have been so relaxing to come home to Ealdor after the busy town of Camelot. But today I was enraged as I saw Kanen beating Matthew to the ground. Arthur rode ahead and I followed closely behind. He threw a dagger towards Kanen but the dagger hit the wood post next to him. I heard Arthur curse under his breath as he dismounted his horse just inside the village gates. I followed suit, pulling out my sword. I heard Morgana do the same just behind me.   
Sword fighting was much more difficult than the knights made it look. I tried to model what I had seen Arthur and the knights do on the training field numerous times. The sword was heavy and slow to swing and holding it steady to block used more strength than I had. One of Kanen’s men sparred with me and I swung the sword and blocked as best as I could. But he was stronger and he pushed me against the wall of the nearest home, our swords crossed in front of my face. The grit of metal on metal was a terrible sound so close to my face. The man’s breath in my face smelled of onions and mead as he laughed at how easy I was going to be defeated. I saw no other option and used magic to make the sword burn red hot, causing the man to drop it to the ground with a shout. I used that opportunity to slice into him with my blade. I didn’t look at him on the ground, but I knew he was dead. This time, I didn’t feel the deep, muddy regret. This time I felt validated and powerful. My magic snapped in my veins and I closed my eyes to calm it as Kanen and the rest of his men retreated, calling out threats.   
“I see you’re up to your same old magic tricks,” a familiar voice called out.   
I opened my eyes, smiling at Will.   
“I thought I said I didn’t want your kind around here,” he said meanly, but a glimmer of humor was in his eyes.   
We both laughed and embraced each other. Will had been my best friend in Ealdor. We were taught to read together and played together when we were younger, which lead to a strong friendship through the rest of our lives while I lived in Ealdor. We had been expected to marry soon, had I not left for Camelot. I did love Will, but not in the marrying way. Though if it were my fate, it would not have been the worst outcome. I was ready to accept before I left. Will had been upset, seeing my leaving as a personal slight. So I had not written to him since I left, and had been nervous to see him today.   
“I hear you’re a maid servant to a prince these days,” Will said in a way that suggested more than household chores.   
“I’m a servant to Prince Arthur, yes,” I said with a look that told him to stop assuming.   
“Merlin! Gather the villagers, I need to talk to them,” Arthur called to me.  
“I will. I’m just talking-”  
“Now, Merlin. We don’t have much time!” he demanded. I sighed and left Will to gather my people.  
Arthur, as I had suspected, gave a speech to encourage the villagers, getting them excited and wanting to work together. Only Will pushed back, saying that Arthur had made the situation with Kanen worse. After Will stormed off, I followed him to his home to try to talk to him, with no success.  
“I trust him with my life!” I insisted to Will.   
“Yeah, well let’s see who he sends into battle to die first,” Will said and then added as a second thought: “Unless he wouldn’t send the servant who serves him more than dinner.”  
“No, Will. It’s nothing like that at all!” I insisted, frustration rising in my chest. Will was just hurt, he didn’t mean what he was accusing. But it didn’t make it acceptable. “Arthur is a good prince and will do whatever he can to help us. That’s why he’s here.”  
Will and I parted, still not agreeing on the battle. But I had hope that he would change his mind eventually. Most of the villagers wanted to fight, so the majority of them were going to be there for the battle.   
Later that night Gwen and I set up beds for everyone on the floor of Mother’s house. I relaxed into my pillow and breathed deeply. It smelled like home and I felt comfortable, despite knowing the battle that was looming closer.   
Arthur was next to me, laying the opposite way from me, his eyes still open and looking at the ceiling. He asked me questions about my life growing up in Ealdor and how it differed from my life in Camelot. It was strange telling Arthur these things, since he had never taken an interest in my life before.   
“Who is Will to you?” Arthur asked. “When he left the meeting earlier, you went after him.”  
“Will is… complicated,” I sighed.   
“Come on, stop trying to be interesting,” he teased, and poked me in the face with his foot. I batted it away with a laugh.   
“He is my oldest friend. We were expected to marry before I left for Camelot,” I explained, regretting having to tell Arthur.  
“Is that why you left Ealdor?” Arthur asked.  
“No, I left because Kanen had bought out my mother’s and the villager’s debts and began to lord it over us. I came to Camelot for work,” I explained. “I would have married him.”  
“Do you love him?”   
“I… love him, yes. But not as a wife,” I said finally. “But marrying him would have been better than the other men here. Have you seen them?”  
Arthur and I laughed. “Is Camelot much better looking?” He asked, a smile still on his voice. I wasn’t sure if he was fishing for a compliment or actually asking me.  
“I’m not sure yet,” I giggled. “I’ve not gotten out much since I started working for you. I’ve got you and Gaius.”  
Arthur chuckled. “Well I’m sure I know who you like best of those options.”  
“Yeah, I’m sure I could get a few good years out of Gaius,” I said before bursting into laughter.   
Arthur and I laughed before one of the other three shushed us. Which, in turn, made us laugh more, but now trying to stifle it with our hands.   
Arthur was silent for some time after our laughter died down. “I’m going to start training the men tomorrow. Get some rest,” he said before turning over on his side, away from me.   
I blew out the candle and fell asleep as soon as I closed my eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for reading,subscribing, and bookmarking, etc!  
> xoxo

Chapter 4  
The next morning, Gwen and I got water from the well together just as the sun peeked over the hills. The air smelled crisp and fresh, something that Camelot was lacking. Despite the looming battle, Gwen and I couldn’t stop smiling as we watched the sun rise.   
“It’s so beautiful out here,” Gwen sighed. “I used to think there was no way I could live in a village, but this… I could get used to.”  
“I thought the same thing about living in a town, but I’m enjoying Camelot,” I said and pulled the bucket out of the well.   
“Are you sure that’s not because of a certain prince?” She asked, looking at me through her long lashes. A smirk was on her lips.   
“UHM NO!” I practically shouted. A frog was startled and hopped away from where I was standing.   
She giggled. “I heard you two laughing together last night.”  
“That hardly means anything, Gwen,” I said and poured the water from the well bucket into the one from home.   
Gwen leaned against the stone of the well. “Maybe. But he’s here, Merlin. That certainly means something. Morgana and I both think he has some sort of feelings for you, if perhaps he doesn’t realize it yet.”  
“Maybe I’m just exceptionally skilled at polishing armor,” I suggested sarcastically.  
“Oh, polishing armor, really?” Gwen said suggestively and wiggled her eyebrows at me.   
I blushed and laughed. “That’s not what I meant and you know it!”  
Gwen laughed again and shook her head.   
“Besides, you’re here and we laugh together. Does that mean you have feelings for me, Gwen? Are we lady going to be lady lovers?” I laughed and danced around the well, teasing Gwen who also laughed. “Do you think I’m pretty?” I stopped to pick a wild flower that grew next to the well and handed it to Gwen, stooping into a deep bow. “I am honored to be a recipient of your affections, my lady.”  
“Oh, Merlin, I was so worried you wouldn’t understand!” Gwen laughed and pretended to swoon. She sat on the edge of the well and twirled the flower between her fingers.   
I danced around the well again, the dew in the grass wetting my dress skirts and blades of grass sticking to my bare feet and legs. “Now that I know your feelings, Gwen. I will address the villagers today and I will stand in front of them like this-“ I imitated Arthur’s confident stance when he addressed the knights. “And I will swoop my hair over my eyes-“ I pushed my hair to somewhat imitate the way Arthur wore his hair when he flirted with women who came to court. “And I will-“  
I stopped because Gwen’s laughter turned to hysterics as she bowed politely and pointed behind me. I slowly turned. Arthur was standing not twenty feet away, looking confused and irritated.   
“Good morning, sire, did you sleep well?” I said innocently, slightly out of breath from my dancing and playing.   
Gwen was snorting in laughter behind me.  
“I slept on the ground, Merlin. What do you think?” he grumbled.   
We stared at each other in silence as he tried to work out what he had just seen me doing.   
“I was just- Gwen and I-“  
“Oi, you can leave me out of it,” Gwen giggled.   
“Hunith needs the water for breakfast,” Arthur said and went back towards the house.   
“Merlin, I think you made him upset!” Gwen said pityingly.   
I turned back to her and sheepishly shrugged before finishing getting water.   
After breakfast, I helped Arthur get dressed behind the changing screen.   
“Sorry about before, Gwen and I were just playing,” I said to him.   
“We’re not in Camelot, so I guess I can’t put you in the stocks for treason,” he said sarcastically.   
I giggled.   
“I was just glad to see you happy,” he said thoughtfully as I buttoned the last button on his jacket.   
“Thank you, sire,” I said before he left me behind the screen.   
Soon after, I was collecting wood when Will approached me. “Well we both know you don’t need that axe,” he said with a smile.   
“Arthur doesn’t know,” I replied. “And he handed me the axe.”  
“You do everything Arthur tells you?” Will asked and crossed his arms over his chest.   
“Why are you being like this?” I snapped at him, stopping my work with the wood.   
“You know why. Why did you leave?” Will came closer, the unspoken “me” was evident. I heard someone approach, but I didn’t look to see who it was.   
“You know I left to find work to help pay my mothers’ debts,” I said with a sigh.   
“That’s not enough of a reason to abandon what we could have had. What we still can have,” Will pleaded.   
“No, we can’t. I can’t come back to this life,” I said and shook my head. I had given it considerable thought the months I was at Camelot. I was meant to be there, with Arthur, protecting him. Camelot was becoming my home.   
“Can’t come back to me, is what you’re trying to say,” Will said sadly. He placed a hand on my waist.   
We had never explored a romantic side of our friendship, save some drunken kisses years ago. Those feelings never came naturally to us before I left. I supposed this was his way of processing that he had missed me and missed what we potentially could have had if we proceeded in the marriage that the village had expected.   
“I don’t want to lose you again,” he said quietly and bent to kiss me.   
I ducked out of his grasp. “I’m sorry, Will-“  
“Did he change your mind?” Will was hurt. “Or are you just waiting for him to notice you? Guess what Merlin, you’re his servant.”  
“Stop it!” I shouted at him. “I know you’re hurt but this is not fair!”  
Magic was beginning to rush through my veins and I tried to calm it. But it was like a tempting whisper in my ears to curse him, make him hurt. It terrified me and made me feel powerful at the same time. I rubbed my palms on my skirts, trying to relieve the itch to use magic.   
“Merlin,” Arthur’s voice came from behind me. It must have been him that had approached earlier. His voice sounded like a warning and reassurance at the same time. “You alright?”  
“She’s fine,” Will snapped.   
I turned to Arthur, my arms crossed over my chest and I looked down at his boots. I was embarrassed that he witnessed that between me and Will. “I’m alright.”  
“Well, bring that wood to Gwen. I’m going to start training the men,” Arthur said, giving me an out.   
I didn’t look back at Will as I picked up the wood and went to find Gwen. Arthur turned to follow me, giving Will one last look of warning.   
“He giving you trouble?” Arthur asked quietly as he followed me to the center of the village.  
“Nothing I can’t handle, sire,” I said brightly and flashed him a smile. I ran ahead of him to avoid further discussion.   
Arthur walked up and down the lines of village men, calling out commands, teaching them the basics of fighting. Many were doing exceptionally well for having never picked up a weapon before. I gathered wood and helped Morgana and Gwen made weapons while watching the men practice. I admired Arthur’s skill in commanding the men and getting them organized. As much as he was often a prat, he was good with the knights and all things weaponry.   
“There’s no way they’re all going to be ready in time,” Morgana said as she watched one of the men drop his weapon.   
“Yeah, but they’re not the only ones who know how to fight,” I said.   
Morgana and Gwen grinned in agreement as we watched Arthur direct the clumsy Matthew to organize a watch crew to keep an eye out for Kanen.   
The rest of the day was spent training, and the night was mostly restless for all of us. Arthur stayed awake all night, staring up at the ceiling. And I stayed awake staring at Arthur. There was no way that we were going to win this fight without magic. There was no way Arthur would live through this without me using magic. Which means that there was likely no way I would live through this fight no matter who won.   
The next morning Arthur confided in me outside the house after breakfast. “We need to pack our belongings and leave before noon today,” he said, not looking at me.  
“What? No, we need to stay here and fight,” I insisted.   
“I’m treating these men like soldiers, Merlin, and they’re not. Have you seen them fight? They’re clueless,” he said dejectedly. He sat with his elbows on his knees and scrubbed his hands together.   
I leaned towards him, my hand on his arm. “No, all you have to do is get them ready to fight. Get them organized and everything else will fall into place.”  
“What do you mean?” He asked, looking at me.   
“I just mean that if the men are encouraged and incensed, then they will fight as hard as they can. You have to believe in them and they will sense that and believe it themselves,” I said.   
Arthur nodded and looked away, patting my hand on his arm in thanks.  
That night Arthur gathered the townspeople and got them angry and ready to fight. Morgana, Gwen, and I were able to convince Arthur to let the women of the town fight if they chose. The villagers were ready to fight and potentially die for Ealdor. They chanted together, shouting “Ealdor! Ealdor!”   
Later that night I found Mother at home, alone sitting by the fire. We talked for some time about my time in Camelot with Arthur. It was comforting to sit and confide in her again.  
“I shouldn’t have gone to Camelot, I’ve ruined everything for you,” She said, tears in her eyes.   
“No you haven’t! Why would you say that?” I asked, outraged.   
“I know what you’re planning to do,” she said as a tear fell.   
“If it comes to a choice between saving people’s lives and revealing who I am then there is no choice,” I said with a shrug.   
“You can’t let Arthur know about your gift,” Mother insisted.   
“Why not? Maybe it's meant to be this way. And if he doesn't accept me for who I really am, then he's not the friend I hoped he was,” I said determinedly.   
Mother was unable to convince me otherwise and we all spent another restless night in Ealdor.  
The next morning, I started to help Arthur into his armor, but he stopped me. He grasped my hand between his. “No, not today,” he said. “Put on your own.”  
I wordlessly put my bracers on over my ill-fitting chainmail. My throat was dry and I was sure my voice would be hoarse. My magic buzzed in my veins with the nervous energy of looming battle. I couldn’t finish the buckle on my bracer with shaking hands.   
“Here,” Arthur said and I allowed him to help me with my armor. “You ready?” he asked quietly.   
“My throat’s dry,” I whispered.   
“Me, too,” Arthur said.   
I looked up at him as he extended a hand for me to shake. I hesitated for only a moment before shaking it. “It’s been an honor,” Arthur said with rare sincerity.   
“Whatever happens out there today, please don't think any differently of me,” I said, forcing my voice out through the tightness of my throat.   
“I won’t. It’s alright to be scared, Merlin,” Arthur said, confused.   
“That’s not what I mean,” I said and shook my head.   
“What is it? If you've got something to say, now's the time to say it,” he said with a look like he was going to laugh.   
“Arthur,” I started, pleadingly but stopped. I wanted to tell him that I was a sorceress. I wanted to tell him the truth. But I couldn’t stand the idea of his laughing expression turning to one of hatred. I wouldn’t be able to stand it.   
But I was saved from saying anything because Morgana arrived to tell us that Kanen and his men had crossed the river. It was time for battle.   
When Morgana was unable to light the fire for one of our traps at the start of the battle, I lunged from my hiding place next to Arthur to go help. I evaded his grasping hands as he tried to stop me and ran through the village street, dodging arrows using my magic’s intuition. I was able to light the fire using magic and our trap was activated.  
The rest of the battle happened quickly, and we were losing quicker. Good men and women were falling at the hands of Kanen’s men. We all fought hard but their weapons were better than ours and their men more skilled. I looked around at the fighting, my heart falling. But my distraction almost got me killed. Will jumped off the fence to tackle a man to the ground who was about to kill me, and saved my life.   
“I thought you weren’t coming!” I exclaimed as he stood back up.  
“Neither did I!” he laughed.  
We fought more, side by side before I noticed more how many men and women we had lost. It was time. I needed to use magic. I watched as Arthur narrowly avoided a sword to his neck.   
I allowed my magic to swell in my veins and take over. Rage uncoiled in my stomach and stretched sensuously. Will stood behind me, blocking off attacks as he noticed what I was doing. Wind began to pick up as I created a mini tornado in the field that blew debris at Kanen’s men and chased them away. The people of Ealdor chased them out of town cheering as I struggled to regain control over my magic.   
Will touched my arm and I snapped back to reality. I looked at him just as Arthur came stomping over demanding to know who made the wind and who had magic. My chest constricted and I felt ill at the way Arthur was looking at me. He was looking at me like he had never known me before now, like he had no trust for me.   
“Arthur,” I started hoarsely, but a voice came from behind us.   
I was unable to finish my confession because Kanen tried to kill Arthur, and Will jumped in front of the arrow, taking it himself. I screamed and caught Will. People were yelling all around me but I couldn’t hear them.  
There was too much blood.  
Arthur carried Will to Will’s home and put him on a table.   
Will took the blame for the usage of magic to cover for me. I told him not to but he had insisted as his dying wish. I held his hand and sobbed into his chest.   
“It’s been boring here without you, Merlin,” Will said feebly. “It’s good to see you again.”  
Will died then, his hand still clasped in mine. He had taken the blame away from me for the magic, and my identity was safe. But it was at the cost of my best and oldest friend, and it wasn’t the cost I was prepared to make. I wasn’t given the choice.  
Arthur was upset with me for not telling him about Will being a sorcerer. It was while we were standing at Will’s funeral that I realized that this was a part of my fate. Arthur was not ready to learn about my magic yet, and it was my fate to suffer for it. With a deep breath and a moment of reflection, I accepted that fate. I would suffer for everyone who would then live on.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! I've gotten a new job and we are remodeling our dining room which has been all consuming.
> 
> I also had an alternative chapter almost 100% written and decided at the last minute that we weren't ready for that plot point. It'll show up later. :)
> 
> Something about this chapter felt really personal and raw. So I apologize if it's weirder than you expected. ;p
> 
> xoxo

Sun was bright in the halls one early spring morning while I was bringing silver place settings up with Gwen and a few other servants from the store room. We were approaching the feasts of Beltane in Camelot and preparations were in order. King Uther allowed the Druidic celebrations continue… with some serious censoring. King Uther’s celebrations were about feasting on the last of the winter crop storage before the fresh crops were available. And, of course, breaking open the year’s wine batch. Gwen and I spent the morning after serving Arthur and Morgana breakfast cleaning and polishing silver that we took from storage.   
A few of the knights passed Gwen and I in the hall. They had been whispering until they saw us. “Morning,” they greeted us with smiles and then continued on whispering as they went.   
“Were they gossiping?” Gwen asked, looking back at the knights.   
“Looks like it,” I said and shook my head. It wasn’t entirely unusual for the knights to gossip about court happenings.   
“I wonder what it is,” Gwen whispered scandalously.   
“I much rather speculate than know,” I laughed. “Let’s imagine. Hmm… King Uther was seen… in the lower town with a woman!”  
Gwen gasped and lightly slapped my arm. “Stop it, Merlin!” she giggled despite her first reaction. “You’re going to get us both put in the stocks!” She paused. “Besides, it would most likely be about you and Arthur being too friendly.”  
I snapped her with the polishing towel. “Now you stop it!” I laughed with her as we continued on with our work.   
Later that day, I was with Arthur in the stables. I was doing my chores of mucking out the stables and feeding the horses, while Arthur brushed down his horse. We were silent as we worked, occasionally Arthur would think of another thing for me to do that evening or tomorrow and let me know.   
“Yeah, we’ll meet an hour after the feast,” a man’s voice said accompanied by the clatter of two horses as they came into the stables.   
“Is Leon- oh, good evening, sire,” another man, a knight, said as he caught sight of Arthur.   
“Is Leon what?” Arthur asked.   
“Uh… is Leon going to the feast tomorrow?” the knight covered.   
“He is,” Arthur stated. “What is after the feast?”  
“We were… going to gamble, sire. Play dice,” the other knight said.   
I narrowed my eyes at them. They were clearly lying, Arthur had to see that.   
“Alright, have fun,” Arthur said and turned back to his horse’s mane.   
The knights glanced at me as they tied their horses up. I was still stopped with the rake in my hand, looking at them suspiciously. They quickly exited when they were finished.   
“They were lying, you know,” I said to Arthur.   
He sighed. “Yeah, I do. It’s not the first time I’ve been excluded from things the knights do. It’s not as fun to drink and gamble when the prince is there, I guess.” He sounded so sad when he said it.   
“Well, I’d surely want to play you in dice. You’ve got money,” I said, trying to lighten the mood.   
Arthur chuckled. “Thanks, Merlin.”  
It happened again, the next day, the day of the Beltane feast. Arthur and I were down in the armory, getting him ready for training with the knights when Sir Leon and one of the knights from last night came in whispering.   
“Bring some wine, we are going to need it,” Sir Leon was whispering with a chuckle to the other knight. “And don’t wear any armor or the crest.”  
I buckled Arthur’s chest plate and looked up at him with raised eyebrows when we heard that last part. Arthur and I locked eyes and he looked more irritated than sad this time. He cleared his throat and I peered around Arthur to see the knights’ reactions.   
“Ready for some mace work, sire?” Sir Leon said as if he hadn’t just been caught.   
“Yeah, if you’re ready to be knocked on your behind,” Arthur taunted halfheartedly.   
They trained for some time while I went along with my chores. But after they trained, Arthur ripped off his own armor and stormed up to his chambers. I caught up to him just before he slammed the door shut.   
“Can I help you with something?” I asked, hesitantly.   
“We’re going to follow the knights tonight,” Arthur said.   
“We?”  
“Yes, they’re meeting up at the North edge of the forest an hour after the feast. They’re not wearing armor or the crest, and they’re bringing wine. I don’t know what they are doing, but I’m going to show them that I can do it too and still be their leader,” Arthur said and poured himself a goblet of water.   
“And you want me to accompany you?” I asked, unsure.   
“Why not?” Arthur questioned after downing his water. “And if you say it’s not proper, then too bad.”  
I laughed. “No ,I just meant are you sure you want to be seen as equal and like a friend when you have your servant there?”   
Arthur looked thoughtful as he peeled off his sweaty tunic and tossed it to me. “Or would I look more like a friend if I bring you to accompany me?”   
“Oh, so I’d be your date,” I joked as I put his sweaty tunic with the rest of his laundry.   
“No, Merlin,” he scolded as he tugged off his boots.   
“I was only joking, sire,” I laughed again. “But I would check that type of attitude with the knights.”  
He didn’t respond with anything other than an annoyed look sent my way before he splashed water from a basin over his face and scrubbed away the sweat and dirt from the training field.   
“I’ll see you tonight at the feast,” I said before exiting his chambers.   
Gwen and I were assigned to serve the royal table dinner and drinks, so we had to wear our nicest dresses. I was finally going to wear the dress Gwen had sewn for me. I hadn’t worn it to work as I was afraid it would get ruined. Later that afternoon, I dressed in the deep ruby red dress with my hair down but pulled to the side. My dark hair was wavy from being put in a braid so often and reached just above my elbow. I looked in the smudged mirror in my room and considered my appearance. While I certainly didn’t look as beautiful and royal as Morgana, I looked pretty good for a maidservant. I slipped on my usual shoes, as they were all I had, and went to work. Gwen was wearing a lovely yellow dress and together we looked like flames.   
“See? I told you a lower neckline wouldn’t be too revealing,” Gwen said as we walked together to gather Arthur and Morgana.   
“It just doesn’t feel natural to me. I sure hope I don’t spill out while pouring the King’s wine,” I said and tugged at the top of my dress. I was being dramatic as the dress wasn’t nearly that revealing, but it was fun to make Gwen laugh.   
“Merlin! You say the most horrible things, I swear!” Gwen said laughing and holding on to my arm.   
I knocked before entering Arthur’s chambers. “Are you ready?” I asked him.  
“Yeah,” Arthur said turning to me from another treaty he’d been looking over the past few days. “New dress?”  
“Yes, is it suitable?” I asked as I brushed crumbs from breakfast off the table and onto my hand to toss in the fireplace.   
“I don’t see why not,” Arthur said. “But stay away from the knights after they’ve started on the wine.”  
“Is it that bad?” I asked and self consciously touched the neckline.   
“I wouldn’t say it’s bad, necessarily,” Arthur said.   
“Oh.”  
“Was it time to go? Let’s go then, don’t want to be late,” Arthur said and opened the door.   
The feast began with a speech from Uther about the upcoming harvest and the coming tournaments and games for the season. Arthur raised his glass to toast his excitement for the activities of summer. Then the feast was served, and it was surely a feast. The food was what was left of the winter stock with the first few spring crops. Endless wine flowed for the nobles and servants were sneaking it in the kitchens. Gwen and I giggled, clutching our hands together and looking around for nobles as we secretly sipped at goblets of our own in the kitchen.   
As the feast died down, the knights kept glancing at each other and grinning. They were definitely up to something. Arthur raised his eyebrows at me as the knights all stood up from their tables. After the knights left, Arthur excused himself as well.   
“I’ll meet you upstairs in a half hour,” he whispered to me as he left.   
Gwen was at my side in an instant as I cleared Arthur’s place. “Excuse me, what was that?”  
“I really don’t know how to explain at this point. I’ll find you tomorrow. But it’s nothing that you think it is, Guinevere, so stop right there,” I said and quickly took dishes to the kitchen.   
I was still responsible for helping clean up the feast so I had to work quickly. I cleared up the space of Morgana, Arthur, and Uther while Gwen stripped the table linens. We both worked quickly so that I wouldn’t be late to meet Arthur. When we were finished, we rewarded ourselves with a quick goblet of wine. The cook cursed at us when she caught sight of us drinking down our goblets. We laughed before I ran off to meet Arthur, leaving Gwen to apologize.   
I rushed into Arthur’s chambers without knocking and tripped over my dress skirts. Maybe that last goblet of wine was a little too much….   
“Are you drunk?” Arthur asked with a scoff as he tugged on his hunting boots.   
“Not much,” I said and leaned against the table.   
Arthur was wearing a white tunic and brown trousers with his hunting boots. Only a dagger was on his belt.   
“You look… common?” I said in more of a question form.   
“’Relatable’ is the word I was going for,” Arthur said.   
“But the knights are nobles, they’re not commoners,” I pointed out.   
“Is this too common, then?” Arthur asked.   
“Nope,” I said. But the wine was making me selfish, as I particularly liked that tunic on Arthur.   
We set off into the forest, quite some ways behind the knights. We were quiet save my hiccups.   
“Could you maybe not do that?” Arthur asked.  
“Already tried,” I said. Another hiccup.  
“Hold your breath,” Arthur suggested.   
“I did that and they just waited,” I said stomping over some branches. My new dress was going to get ruined. I just couldn’t win.   
“Did you try being scared?” he asked.  
“I can’t scare myself,” I said with a giggle and a hiccup.  
Arthur stopped walking and I bumped into him. “I’m sorry to tell you this, but after the feast Gaius fell into the well and died.”  
“That doesn’t make me scared, it just makes me sad! Besides, he wouldn’t be near the well anyways,” I said and we started walking again.   
Before either of us could speak again, I tripped on a branch, gasped, and fell. Arthur laughed and helped me up. It was a few second before I noticed: “Hey, my hiccups are gone!” I exclaimed a little too loudly.   
That was when we noticed the sound of drums and smelled fire. “Stay close by,” Arthur directed quietly.   
We had been far enough behind the knights that they had to be already where the drums and fire were. It was a party in the woods and Arthur was determined to be a part of it. I couldn’t blame him. He had been relatively isolated from his peers growing up and he didn’t exactly get a normal social life as an adult. It was natural for him to want to fit in.   
We quietly approached a clearing in the woods and crouched behind a bush. A large roaring fire was in the center of the clearing and people were all around it. A few farmers were directing a wildly running flock of sheep in a circle around the fire while people drummed and danced around the perimeter. A few women were serving what looked like wine in plain goblets to people who approached their table. Three bare chested women, heavy with children, were tying yellow primrose flowers into garlands and passing them to women who asked for one. Men and women alike danced to the beat of the drums with free movements unlike the choreographed dances of court. Everyone was laughing and shouting drinking and eating, and celebrating.   
I wondered what was in the wine from the feast that was making me see this. I looked over to Arthur, who also consumed more than his fair share of wine at dinner. He was staring wide eyed at the scene before us, his mouth hanging open.   
Something about this display felt inviting to me. I wanted to join them and my magic itched to dance like them. I wanted to twirl in the smoke like they were doing. It made sense to me when I saw a man face the fire raise his arms into the air and the smoke took shape of the sheep that the farmers were directing back to the pasture beyond the fire.   
Arthur gasped beside me and I saw his muscles stiffen. “They’re Druids on Pendragon territory,” he said.   
“But they’re not hurting anyone, Arthur. They’re celebrating! Besides, I thought tonight you weren’t a prince, you are a friend,” I said as I looked around for the knights.   
I spotted them at a further table with wine and food. They were talking amicably with the Druid people. I wondered how they knew about this celebration and how they decided to join. Arthur noticed them when I did. “They’re over there,” he said to me. Disappointment and betrayal heavy on his voice.   
“They wanted to party, Arthur. You can’t really blame them,” I said.   
“They’re betraying my father,” Arthur said harshly.   
“They’re having a drink at a festival. They’re here to pick up girls,” I laughed.   
Arthur only glared.   
“We can turn back and be angry, or we can have fun,” I said, the wine and fire smoke making me feel bold.   
Arthur hesitated, but I stepped out from behind the bush and joined. My body pulsed with magic and I stood proud before them.   
The people around me smiled hesitantly but when they studied me for a moment, they relaxed. They must have sensed that I meant no harm or that I had magic, too. A woman in a plain dress but multiple flower garlands took my hand and led me closer to the fire. I turned back to where Arthur was still crouched and gestured for him to join me. He came out of the bushes, his eyes on the knights. They cheered and raised their goblets to Arthur and me in celebration. Arthur smiled and nodded to them. He looked happy and accepted. I grabbed his hand as the lady led me to get a garland of my own. A garland of fragrant flowers was placed over my head.   
Arthur was pulled away by the knights and a woman smiled and said “Welcome, Emrys.”   
I wasn’t sure if it was the drumming and singing and chanting that I couldn’t hear them over. But, I said “My name is Merlin,” to correct the woman.   
She only smiled and patted my shoulder in response.   
I followed Arthur to the wine table and we were both handed goblets. “Here’s to fitting in!” I laughed and raised my glass to him.   
After I finished my wine I wanted to dance. I let the smoke and drums carry me to where the people were dancing. I closed my eyes and let my magic guide me dancing. I was vaguely aware of swirling around and raising my arms and letting my hips swing. My magic hummed contentedly in my veins and I felt warm and peaceful. I smiled and opened my eyes after a few minutes of dancing. The knights and Arthur were watching me dance and I felt self conscious. I blushed and stopped dancing but a Druid man grabbed my hands and raised them above my head again. He was smiling and nodding as if I had been doing the right thing. I gestured for Arthur or some of the knights to join me. Most of them shook their head but Sir Leon laughingly pushed Arthur towards me. Arthur, not being one to back down, joined me by the dancers. I gripped his hands in mine and continued to sway to the drum beat. When he let go of my hands he imitated the dancing the men were doing. He wasn’t good but he was trying. I smiled and twirled around him like I saw other women doing.   
The heat from the fire was heavy and strong. My hair stuck to my neck and I was sure that I had sweat through my dress. Arthur’s white tunic was stuck to him and his hair was plastered to his face.   
I was thinking of taking a break from the dancing when the drum beat changed to a quick pulse. The people cheered loudly as a young, naked man ran out into the crowd. He was wearing nothing but a mask made of a deer face with huge antlers on his head. He crouched his knees and walked like he was hunting around the fire, going up to every woman. When he approached me, my heart beat fast with nerves and I looked to Arthur. He looked wary of this naked man and pulled me closer to his side by my arm. The man moved on until he found a young woman who was wearing another deer mask. She was also naked, save the mask.   
I looked up to Arthur, wide eyed. He was watching the display with narrowed, unsure eyes. I was sure he would make us leave soon.   
The two people in deer masks ran about the fire and surrounding woods. The man always chasing after the woman. My heart beat fast with the rapid pulse of the drums and the shouts and cheers of the Druids. My head spun like I was feverish as I turned about to watch the movement of the deer couple. The man reached out to the woman who jumped out of the way and over a bush. Her body glowed in the fire light, a sheen of sweat making her skin shine like stars. The man tilted his head back and let out an animalistic yell and lunged at her again. When the man caught the woman they tumbled out of sight into the woods. Most of the Druids ran after to watch the intimate display. My hand was over my mouth, covering my shocked open jaw. The drum beat returned to the beat it had before while we were dancing but I didn’t want to dance any more. It was suddenly too hot by the fire and I felt sick from all of the wine. I didn’t want to move for feeling dizzy and ill. My magic reached out on its own accord and the sky opened up and rain fell on us. The fire smoked but remained strong as if by magic. The people cheered and danced in the rain, rejuvenated.   
Arthur noticed I wasn’t feeling well and ushered me away from the fire towards the knights.   
“Can you believe what just happened?” one of the knights asked.   
“It’s a fertility festival, after all,” Sir Leon said with a laugh. “Did you two know that you just danced a fertility blessing dance?”  
“We what?” Arthur asked incredulously.   
“I think Merlin needs to go home,” one of the knights said, I didn’t see who.   
Everything was too much for me. I had felt like I belonged with these people and then I witnessed something so private on display for anyone to see. It was then that I realized why so many of these Druids were bare and why they were using primrose and burning a holly bush. It frightened me that there was so much I didn’t know and understand and it made me feel like I didn’t belong with either the Druids or the people of Camelot. The wine sat in my stomach with the little bit of cured meat and bread I had eaten during the feast. I was sweating, despite the pouring cool rain. I tilted my head up to the rain and let the cool, fat drops wash over my face.   
“Merlin,” Arthur said. I opened my eyes. He was standing in front of me in his now transparent tunic, his hair wet on his forehead, and his blue eyes lit by the still blazing fire.   
I wanted to cry and I couldn’t tell him why. I felt dizzy with confusion. Were these my people? Was I most like them with their naked fertility rituals? It was a beautiful festival but it was new to me and frightening. Or was Arthur my people? With his hatred and fear of magic? But also with his see through shirt, muscles, and eyes that could melt stone? I was stuck in the middle with no end in sight. Conflicted in every way.   
“You look like the sun,” I said instead of crying. I wasn’t wrong. Despite him being drenched with rain, firelight danced in his eyes, mimicking the swaying dance of the people behind me. Orange light reflected in his blonde hair making each strand look like a flame. His skin glowed in the fire light and he smiled at me. He was brighter than anything I had ever seen. I placed a steadying hand on his chest and he put a warm hand over it.   
“And you look like the moon in a red dress,” he said with a smile. “Let’s get you home.”  
We said good bye to the knights and headed back through the forest to the castle. It had to be well after midnight by the time we made it back to the castle. We went up to Arthur’s chambers. I wasn’t entirely sure why I followed him as he was likely to not need anything. We were still drenched by the time we reached his chambers as the rain had followed us back to the castle.   
I started the fire despite still feeling dizzy. I placed my primrose garland on the mantle as a decoration while Arthur changed behind the screen. He took an extra tunic out of his wardrobe. “Here. I don’t care if it’s not proper. Sleep in the antechamber tonight and dry your dress by the fire.”   
I wordlessly took the red tunic and changed behind the screen. The tunic smelled like Arthur’s soap despite being clean. I inhaled deeply to take it in and realized how tired I was. Arthur sipped some water from a goblet as I hung my dress up before the fire. I was self conscious of my exposed legs despite the tunic reaching my knees. I was barefoot and barelegged and I thought of the fire and the naked Druids. I blushed.   
He offered me his goblet, refilled with water. I thanked him and drank deeply.   
“Arthur,” I said as he was hanging up his own wet clothes.   
“Hm?”  
“Tonight I felt like just a girl with a boy. Not like a servant with her prince. It was… amazing. Thank you,” I said, looking intently at the bottom of the goblet.   
“And I felt like a regular man with a girl in a pretty dress. So, thank you, Merlin,” Arthur said, looking at me, considering me.   
“So that means tonight was a success?” I asked. “Do you think the knights see you as an equal?”  
“Yeah, but I’m not sure if they’ll ever let us forget that we danced in a fertility ritual,” Arthur laughed.   
“Oh, right. That did happen,” I sighed.   
“Good night, Merlin,” Arthur said as stripped off his tunic and climbed shirtless into bed.   
“Good night, Arthur,” I said and exited to the dark antechamber. I didn’t bring a candle with me since I laid down on the small cot and fell asleep immediately.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey babes!  
> Happy Beltane! ;) I'm posting this on Beltane 2016 for future reader's reference. I was going to wait to post the Beltane chapter today but I literally couldn't wait.  
> Anyways, this chapter is the Lancelot episode, and contains a lot of dialog straight from the episode so don't sue me. Also, i know it's a little bit out of order episode wise, so I'm sorry for any confusion. But, Lancelot and his relationship with Merlin is important for the rest of the story.   
> So, there's some Merlin/Lancelot ahead, but also some development within the Arthur/Merlin storyline since Merthur is totally endgame.   
> I did say slow burn, didn't I? :)  
> xoxo

A few bright springtime weeks had passed since Beltane and Arthur and I avoided each other like it was a sport. A sport we were particularly good at, actually. We had this schedule worked out where I brought in his breakfast and woke him up by calling his name as I shut the door behind me. Then, while he practiced with the knights I quickly cleaned up his room and gathered his laundry. I left his lunch on the table. While he ate his lunch in his chambers, I cleaned his clothes and polished his armor. Then, while he was tending to diplomatic matters with his father in the council room, I tended to the fire, cleaned up from lunch, and changed his sheets. The rest of the evening consisted of mucking out stables and bribing Gwen to serve dinner to Uther, Arthur, and Morgana. We had a good system of avoidance going.

I had been caught up on my chores with Arthur one afternoon, so Gaius had me searching for mushrooms in the forest. I wasn't too far out, the castle still in view behind me. I hummed a song I'd heard one of the cooks sing as I picked the mushrooms. It was warming up in Camelot as spring was in full bloom. The sun glittered down as the leaves swayed in a gentle breeze. I had found a daisy patch and threaded the stems of a few flowers into my usual braid. Spring in Ealdor was all about hard work planting and getting ready for summer crops. Spring in Camelot was vastly different. Spring in Camelot was happier and lighter. Children ran and danced in the marketplace, vendors sold bouquets of fragrant flowers, people were flirtatious and happy. I loved Camelot in spring, bringing flowers to Gaius' and Arthur's chambers every morning, playing with happy children in the market, and lounging in the sunshine.

I was calm and at peace until there was a terrible screeching sound and a creature came out of nowhere. I had let my guard down and didn't hear it approach. I stumbled back as it swooped passed me. I gasped when I saw it. It had the body of a lion and the wings and head of an eagle and it was probably going to eat me. I didn't have time to scream for help before it reared up to strike at me again. I tried to back up but tripped and fell.

This was it. I was going to die picking mushrooms for Gaius. Nothing heroic or brave. How disappointing. I closed my eyes, waiting for the final blow.

There was a shout and running footsteps. I opened my eyes to see a man, not in armor, fighting the beast with a sword. He was skilled with the weapon, I noticed, as he sliced through the air at the monster. I scrambled backwards, twigs breaking under my palm. He thrust the sword up to the chest of the beast and it should have gone in and killed it. But it didn't, it broke the sword in two.

The man turned and looked at me, eyes wide. "Run! Run!" He shouted and tried to help me up from the ground. I pushed myself up and ran with the man towards the castle. The creature was not ready to give up and attacked us again. The man sheltered me from the blow and I was unsure if he took it. We jumped behind a large fallen tree just as the creature flew off, giving up as we went out of sight.

My heart was pounding in my chest, my throat dry from breathing heavily, and sweat covered my forehead. I looked at the man to see he was in the same position and studying me, as well. He had long brown hair and deep brown eyes. He was quite handsome.

I looked up to see if I could locate the creature but he was gone. "It's gone," I said. "You saved my life. I'm Merlin." I held my hand out to shake his.

"Lancelot," the man said and kissed my hand just before passing out.

That was when I noticed the bleeding wound on his side. He needed to see Gaius and he was losing blood quickly. I cursed under my breath as I realized I would have to carry him to the castle. I lifted one of his arms over my shoulders and stood up, my knees shaking with the effort. There was no way I would be able to do this without magic. So I used a spell to make him feel lighter as I carried him, dragging his feet, back to the castle. Just before the guards would be able to see me, I took off the spell and struggled carrying him into the clearing before the gates. As planned, the guards saw me and rushed to my aid. I directed them to take him to Gaius' and rushed ahead to inform the physician.

Gaius was able to stitch up his wound and apply a salve to reduce the infection and pain. "The wound itself is superficial and the fever will pass. He should be fine in the morning," Gaius told me.

"He saved my life from a creature I've never seen before, Gaius," I said as I stitched up the tear in Lancelot's blue tunic. I had cleaned the blood from it and dried it by the fire while Gaius treated him.

"What did it look like?" Gaius asked as he cleaned up his tools.

"It had the body of a lion and the head and wings of an eagle," I explained with a shiver as I remembered looking up and seeing it attacking me.

Gaius looked thoughtful. "I'm sure you were just frightened, Merlin."

I shrugged. "Maybe. It did catch me by surprise," I admitted. I was quite certain of what I saw but there was the possibility of being mistaken.

The next morning, I awoke with the servants' bell and left my room to check on Lancelot. He was still asleep so I left to bring Arthur his breakfast.

When I came back that morning, Lancelot was awake. "Hello," I said as I entered Gaius' chambers.

"Hello… Merlin," Lancelot said with a smile.

"H-how are you feeling?" I asked as I set down the plate of bread and berries that I had brought for him on the table.

"Wonderful, thanks to Gaius," he said.

"Is Gaius here?" I asked, looking around.

"No, he's out making his rounds. But he said you'd be back soon," Lancelot said.

"Yes, I've brought breakfast. It's not much but-"

"No, it's wonderful. Thank you," Lancelot said gratefully and took a piece of bread.

"Well, thank you for saving my life," I said and we sat at the table.

"It sounds like you saved my life in return not moments later when I needed to be carried back," he laughed. "How did you manage?"

"Adrenaline and determination," I said with a laugh.

"You are welcome to stay in my room as long as you need," I offered when he was done eating.

"Are you sure I wont be putting you out?" Lancelot asked.

"Gaius has a spare cot I can use," I said.

"I couldn't take a bed away from a lady," Lancelot shook his head.

"No, please, I don't want you becoming more injured by sleeping on an old cot," I insisted.

"Fine, if you insist," Lancelot agreed.

"So what brings you to Camelot?" I asked him.

"Ever since I was a child I've dreamed of coming here. It's my life's ambition to join the knights of Camelot. I know what you're thinking, I... I expect too much. After all, who am I? They have their pick of the best and bravest in the land," he said and stood to look out the window at the courtyard below.

"Lancelot," I laughed. "They're going to love you!"

"They are?" he asked with a charming, unsure smile.

"I've seen you in action. You could shame Arthur himself," I insisted with a smile in return.

"I hardly think so," Lancelot said, his smile faltering.

"I do think so. In fact, I'm going to go talk to Arthur right now!" I volunteered.

"You know Arthur?" he asked, his eyes wide.

"Oh, yes," I said and hurried out.

I brought Lancelot with me to meet Arthur at the training grounds. He was testing a new potential knight on the field. We watched as he taunted the men. Arthur's eyes found me leaning up against the fence post as he spoke. His speech faltered a moment when he noticed Lancelot close, next to me. Arthur continued the test with a little bit of excessive force, knocking the hopeful knight unconscious.

I helped Arthur carry his armor back to the castle today instead of another servant and he didn't mention the change in our dance of avoidance. He walked in front of me as he took off his own armor and handed it to me piece by piece.

"How do they expect me to protect Camelot with rubbish like Grummund?" Arthur asked me irritably.

"Well, I think I could help," I said hopefully.

He looked back at me with raised eyebrow. "Thanks, Merlin, but you're missing a few things required to be a knight."

"No, not me. I've met someone," I said, brushing off his tone.

"Oh?" he said inquisitively, not looking at me.

"Yeah, he saved my life," I said.

"Hmm," Arthur said feigning interest.

"No, he's really very good, I promise," I insisted.

Arthur scoffed and kicked at a stone in the path, sending it skittering under a vender's cart. "That he may be, but you're forgetting the First Code of Camelot where only those of noble blood can serve."

"Oh, but he is noble!" I lied instinctively before I could think it through.

"Very well. Bring him to the training ground. And make sure he brings his seal of nobility," Arthur said, his voice sounding disappointed.

I smiled and thanked him as we entered the armory.

Later that afternoon I met up with Lancelot at Gaius' chambers. I told him the news and he was overjoyed at the prospect of meeting Arthur and proving himself as a knight. But Gaius broke the bad news about needing to be a noble and Lancelot was devastated. He excused himself to my bedroom where he was staying. I allowed him some alone time as I finished up some chores for Arthur before going in.

"I'm sorry, Lancelot," I said quietly and lit the candles in their holders. "Why do you want to be a knight so much?"

"When I was a boy, my village was attacked by raiders from the northern plains. They were slaughtered where they stood- my father, my mother. Everyone. I alone escaped. I vowed that day that never again would I be helpless in the face of tyranny. I made sword craft my life. Every waking hour since that day, I devoted to the art of combat, and when I was ready, I set forth for Camelot. And now, it seems, my journey ends. Everything I fought for, wasted," he said and sat next to me on the bed.

"I promise that whatever it takes, I will make this right," I said and briefly squeezed his hand.

"You are too kind, Merlin. But don't bother. There's no use trying to break code," he said softly and placed his rough hand on mine.

We were silent, looking at each other for a few moments before a blush crept its way up my neck and to my cheeks. "Good night, Lancelot," I said before standing and rushing from the room.

The next morning, I worked to find a seal of a noble family I had never heard of and copied it with magic for Lancelot to use. He had to become a knight, he was meant to be one. And I was going to get him there if it was the only thing I did. I found Lancelot in Gaius' chambers and told him about the forged seal. He was hesitant but I was able to convince him that it was worth it in order to become a knight.

Later that morning we met with Gwen to get fitted for chainmail and armor. Lancelot also needed a new sword since his broke on the creature from the forest. Gwen took his measurements, flitting about, writing down numbers and gathering materials. The three of us joked and laughed, Lancelot flirting with both Gwen and I. He was getting a kick out of our blushes and giggles. His posture became more and more confident as we responded to his flirting. I helped Gwen by handing her the tools and materials she needed while I sat on the table, my skirts of my dress a little higher than was proper, and my feet swinging. Lancelot's eyes kept going to my legs and I felt emboldened and powerful. Gwen's yellow dress had a relatively low cut neckline and she kept finding reasons to bend down in front of him, giving him a better view of her breasts. We were being silly and flirtatious until Gwen pushed us out so that she could work without "handsome distractions." Lancelot kissed her hand and we left together.

We had our lunch together in the courtyard of the castle and watched the hustle and bustle of people. I pointed out people Lancelot would need to know as he sliced an apple and handed me pieces. Lancelot and I lounged on the steps to the side, out of the way. He was leaning towards me and I towards him so that he could better hear my whispered gossip about the people we saw. At one point Arthur came into the courtyard on horseback and stopped in front of the steps. He was greeted by the stable hand who helped him off his horse. I knew Arthur was going in for a working lunch with his father and the council, so I knew I had time to kill with Lancelot. Arthur looked at me and Lancelot and his face looked blank, if not angry. I wondered what chore I was missing that was making him angry. I was sure to find out later that afternoon.

The next day was the day that Lancelot was to begin his training with the knights, if Arthur approved of him. Gwen brought his chainmail and armor to us before practice and helped me put it on the shaking Lancelot. There was no flirting this time, he was too nervous. But just before he was to enter the field with Arthur, he kissed both of our hands "for good luck" and winked before jogging to the field.

Arthur was unfairly tough on him and hit him in the face and didn't give him a chance. Lancelot was made to muck out the stables, sweep the guardhouse, clean armor, sharpen swords and many other chores before he was given another chance. And not a moment too soon as there was another attack on a nearby village by the creature that I encountered in the woods. This attack was closer to Camelot, and Arthur and King Uther believed it was making it's way here. This urged Arthur to bring Lancelot's test to become a knight forward so that he could aid in the fight against the creature.

Gwen and I watched the test from the sidelines. Arthur announced the rules of the test before the sand timer was started. Gwen and I jumped up and down and cheered when Lancelot was doing well and gasped when he was knocked down, his helmet flying off. I gripped Gwen's fingers with mine as we watched Lancelot, unmoving on the test field. He had to remain conscious for the duration of the test and he was lying motionless on the ground. My heart fell to my stomach for him. He had worked so hard and for nothing. Just as Arthur was about to take Lancelot's flag, Lancelot opened his eyes and took Arthur down to the ground and held his sword to Arthur's chest. It looked as though he was being arrested, but then Arthur announced that he had succeeded and was to be knighted. Gwen and I cheered for Lancelot and he waved to us with a wink. Arthur saw this and clenched his jaw before turning away. Gwen and I were being loud and obnoxious and it was likely that Arthur was not used to people cheering for someone other than him. I rolled my eyes.

Lancelot was to be knighted and a feast to celebrate was to follow. I wore my red dress that I had worn to Beltane as it was my only nice dress. Gwen wore her red dress, too and we stood with Morgana who wore a revealing violet dress. She stood proudly, making direct eye contact with every man in the room. Gwen and I giggled at her boldness and she laughed and hushed us. We sipped at some wine after serving and clearing the food. Servants were allowed to linger for these types of celebrations as long as the work had been done. So Gwen and I helped ourselves to the wine and watched the people and gossiped. That was when I noticed Arthur and Lancelot sitting alone talking quietly and watching us.

"Don't look now but Arthur and Lancelot are both looking this way," I murmured to her, using my goblet to block my words.

"Surely they are looking at Morgana," Gwen whispered back, shyly. Morgana was sitting at the table near us, talking with a knight. It didn't seem as though their eyes were directed at her.

I nonchalantly spilled a few drops of wine on my chest and feigned a little gasp of surprise. Gwen quickly grabbed a napkin from the table we were standing in front of and she used it to dab at the few drops that had left a trail on my chest. I chanced a quick glance at Arthur and Lancelot.

"Nope, they are absolutely definitely looking at us," I whispered with a giggle. Both men were silently watching intently, leaning forward with their elbows on their knees and their goblets almost forgotten in their hands. Their eyes were intense and hooded.

Gwen blushed. "Merlin you set me up!"

"I did and you're welcome," I laughed and sipped my wine. "So if you had to choose, Lancelot or Arthur?" I asked, mirroring my somewhat drunken internal struggle. But she wasn't able to answer before Morgana came over to us.

"You two are minxes!" Morgana approached us laughing. "Teach me everything you know!"

The rest of the evening was spent with more wine, more giggling, more flirting, and some running around the dark castle. Morgana, Gwen, and I went to go for a walk to talk, but Arthur and Lancelot shouted that we were being boring old ladies who left parties early. So we laughed and raced from the hall and down the corridor, the men loudly and innocently chasing after us, their ale spilling as they ran. My magic shimmered with pleasure at the alcohol buzzing in my veins and loosening my muscles. I felt relaxed and light and playful. We ended up splitting up where the corridor met two others. I ran, laughing, to the left and hid in an alcove where there once was a statue before King Uther decided he was tired of it. I tried to catch my breath after all of the running and laughing as I leaned into the alcove. I heard quick footsteps in the darkened hallway and I peeked out and saw a flash of red fabric.

"Gwen! Here!" I whispered.

The person who squeezed into the alcove with me was decidedly not Gwen. It was Arthur. His breathing was quick from the running and laughing as well and it puffed down at my face. He smelled like ale.

"Arthur," I breathed.

"Not Gwen," he joked.

"We need to stop meeting like this," I joked in return as I realized we were pressed together in a tight space. I remembered the broom closet from months ago. I blushed.

"You've been avoiding me since Beltane," he stated, not joking.

"I have, and so have you," I countered.

"Let's be done with that. It's stupid. And I m- um, it's hard to give you more chores if I can never find you to tell you," he said half heartedly.

"I thought it better for us to be separated," I said apologetically.

"Why? Because of the fertility dance? Merlin, I'm quite certain it takes more than speaking to each other in the same room for the dance to prove effective," he said sarcastically.

"Yeah, it takes approximately a drunken meeting in a small, dark alcove," I shot back.

Arthur cleared his throat and laughed as he stepped out of the alcove. "Come on, Merlin. Let's go find the others."

"There you are," Lancelot said as we exited the alcove. He had a torch in his hand, likely taken from a wall. His eyes flashed between Arthur and me, a curious look on his face. I looked down at my hands in front of me. "What were you two doing hiding in the alcove?" Lancelot laughed, but it didn't sound like his real laugh.

Arthur stepped closer to me and put his hand on the small of my back. "Nothing, let's go find Gwen and Morgana."

I was confused at Arthur's actions. Was he trying to make Lancelot jealous? What was going on? I didn't want this weird, tense conversation to continue so I pushed past them both and hurried to find Gwen and Morgana.

Later that night, when we all forced ourselves to part and go home and to bed, Lancelot and I walked together to Gaius'. We walked arm in arm to give each other support in our drunken state. "That was fun!" I said, giggling at the fuzzy memory of the evening.

"It was," Lancelot agreed. "Is there something going on between you and Arthur?"

"What do you mean?" I asked in return.

"Like… romantic," Lancelot explained.

"No! Absolutely not! He's a royal prat!" I exclaimed.

"It just seemed like it when I found you two in the alcove," Lancelot explained with a shrug.

"I… I'm not sure what that was, honestly," I said thinking back to it.

We were back at Gaius' by then and went to bed happy, tired, and still drunk. The morning, however, was the opposite of happy and drunk. Gaius woke us not long after the servant's bell and shoved a potion at the two of us.

"Good morning, children" he said louder than necessary. My stomach churned and my head pounded. "Don't look at it and don't smell it. Just down it in one go."

Lancelot and I did as we were told just before the door burst open and two guards entered. They arrested Lancelot, dragging him away. My heart clenched in guilt as I realized what they were arresting him for. It was all my fault. I quickly followed them to the throne room where Uther and Arthur were standing, waiting.

Arthur looked at my face scrunched up in anger with tears falling while Lancelot was sentenced to be put in the dungeon. His jaw tightened before he argued with his father. Arthur insisted that Lancelot only wanted to serve, but Uther would not hear it. Arthur looked back at me, his expression unreadable. I stormed off, not wanting to speak to Arthur. This was entirely unfair! Lancelot deserved to be a knight! And now he was in a dungeon and it was all my fault. I needed to speak to him so I made my way down to the dungeons. I was granted permission by the guards to see him.

Lancelot looked up to see me approach and stood up and met me at the bars of his cell.

"I don't know what to say, Lancelot," I said quietly as tears welled up again.

"You are not to blame, Merlin," he said softly.

"But I am. I pushed you and I made you lie," I said a tear falling now.

"The choice was mine. My punishment is mine to bear, and mine to bear alone," he said and reached through the bars to swipe at my tear.

"I wish there was something I could do," I whispered and leaned into his hand on my cheek.

"You can stop blaming yourself," he said and pulled me forward to kiss my forehead.

I shook my head as a guard approached to tell me it was time to leave. I squeezed Lancelot's hand once before I left.

Since the creature from the forest had attacked again, and the reports of what it looked like matched what Lancelot and I described, Gaius had begun researching it. That afternoon he called me in to look at one of his books. He explained that he had been searching for the beast and believed he had found it in a book of magical creatures. It was a griffin, a magical creature with the body of a lion and the head and wings of an eagle.

Just then the warning bells tolled in the courtyard and we rushed to the window. The griffin was attacking in Camelot and Arthur and his knights were in formation as people went running to find shelter. Gaius and I watched with bated breath as it attacked and the knights tried to kill it. The griffin knocked Arthur to the ground and my heart leapt with fear. Gaius and I both gasped. A knight tossed a torch to Arthur, who used the flames to scare off the griffin. Gaius and I scrambled from the window to gather medical supplies to tend to the injured.

Later, during an emergency council hearing, Gaius tried to inform King Uther of the griffin's magical existence. The griffin could not be killed with weapons without magic, according to Gaius and his books. But the king would not listen to his advice and commanded Arthur and the knights to ride out again to kill the creature.

I followed Gaius back to his chambers. My heart was racing and my palms were sweaty from nerves. Arthur was going out to fight this griffin with weapons that were useless against it. He and his men were going to die fighting it.

"Arthur cannot fight the griffin. Uther must see reason," I said pacing the floor while Gaius stood by the fire pensively.

"Where magic is concerned, our King is blind to reason. And yet...magic is our only hope," Gaius said turning to me.

I stopped my pacing and dropped my arms. "You're not seriously suggesting…."

"It is your destiny, Merlin. The true purpose of your magic," Gaius explained.

"You've seen it! There's no way my magic is strong enough to fight it," I said hopelessly.

"But if you do not, then Arthur will surely perish," Gaius insisted.

"Do you even care what happens to me? Oh, just do this, Merlin. Do that, Merlin. Go and kill the griffin, Merlin. I'll just sit here and warm my feet by the fire," I ranted while pacing again.

"Merlin! Merlin, you are the only thing I care about in all this world. I would give my life for you without a thought. But for what? I cannot save Arthur. It is not my destiny. You know," Gaius scolded me and I stopped pacing.

"I'm sorry, Gaius," I said with a sigh.

"Arthur and his men ride out in two hours, so we have that much time to find a way to stop this creature," Gaius said, back to business.

We poured over the magic book that Gaius had given me, searching every page for a spell that would work. Gaius pointed at a spell about halfway through the book. "There. You must do this for Arthur."

"I've never cast a spell this powerful before," I said, unsure of myself.

"Nothing less will kill it," Gaius insisted and handed me an old, rusty dagger to practice on.

I chanted the spell over and over again with no success. "Bregdan anweald gafeluec!"

"Don't worry, we have time," Gaius said encouragingly.

"But I'm failing. And if Arthur dies because I'm not good enough..." I shook my head. It would kill me to know Arthur died because of me.

"He will not! Keep trying!"

"Bregdan anw-"

The door burst open and Lancelot hurried in.

"Lancelot!" I exclaimed. "What are you doing here?!"

"I don't have time to explain. I need my armor and sword," he said and hurried up to my room where his belongings still remained.

I followed him up the steps and into my room. "Are you going to help Arthur?" I asked.

"He stands in mortal peril. I must do what I can to protect him. It's my duty. Knight or not," Lancelot said as he pulled on his chainmail.

"Lancelot, I don't believe I've ever met your like before," I said with a laugh.

"Merlin, if I don't return…" Lancelot said and came to me, his hand cupping my cheek.

"Don't say that," I said and looked up into his caring eyes.

"This beast is strong and weapons haven't worked yet. But I have to go and try and protect Arthur and Camelot. I am likely not to return," Lancelot said, a desperation to his voice.

"This is not goodbye," I said quietly and put my hand over his on my cheek.

"Merlin," Lancelot sighed and rested his forehead against mine.

"Because I'm coming with you," I said with some determination.

He stepped back from me, considering me. "No, you're not."

"Just try and stop me," I said with raised eyebrows and grabbed the rusty dagger before heading back down the stairs.

We quickly saddled up horses and took off to where the knights had gone, following their track. As we got closer I could hear Arthur shouting orders and the horrifyingly bone chilling sound of men screaming as they were attacked by the griffin. Lancelot looked back at me before taking off towards the sound of the beast and men screaming. I followed close behind him as we came up to a clearing scattered with the bodies of the knights. My heart and stomach lurched as I looked around at the gory scene.

"Arthur," I said desperately as I looked around. I needed to find Arthur. It was so quiet in the clearing. A fog was rolling in the distance, making the scene look haunted. I jumped down off my horse and ran desperately from body to body, looking for Arthur. I must have been too late. I had failed him. I had failed our destiny.

There. Golden hair reflected moonlight a few yards away. I rushed to him, falling hard onto my knees. "Arthur!" I called, my voice scratched its way out of my throat thick with emotion. His head lolled to the side and exposed his neck. I felt for a pulse as Lancelot came up behind me. He placed a hand on my shoulder as I pulled Arthur's head onto my lap. My fingers on this throat, feeling for a sign of life.

Then, a faint pump of blood against my fingers. I let out an anguished cry of relief and bent my head down to his, pressing my forehead to Arthur's clammy one.

"Well?" Lancelot asked hesitantly.

"He's alive!" I sobbed in relief.

Just then, the griffon screeched and swooped down at us. Lancelot grabbed a lance from one of the fallen knights and got back on his horse. He pulled his helmet on and readied himself. His horse reared back before charging at the griffin.

It was now or never. The spell had to work. I stood for a better view of the fight.

I gathered every bit of my magic and chanted the spell to no avail. Lancelot was approaching the beast now and it was my last chance. I took a deep steadying breath and screamed the spell "Bregdan anweald gafeluec!" The lance glowed in Lancelot's hands, the blue light reflecting off of his armor, making him glow with it. He struck the griffin with the lance and it fell to the ground, dead.

"Yes!" I cheered, jumping up and down as Lancelot turned back towards me.

Arthur groaned as he awoke. I hesitated for a moment. I wanted to make sure Arthur was alright, but I didn't want him to see me there. I wanted Lancelot to get the credit for the defeat. So, I hurried back to Gaius' chambers to tell him the good news and to let him know where to find the injured and possibly dead knights.

"You did it?!" Gaius asked, his eyes alight with pride.

"I did it!" I exclaimed and Gaius hugged me tight.

We heard the clamoring of armor amongst the beat of running horse hooves and I looked out the window to see both Lancelot and Arthur arriving in the courtyard. "They're back, I need to know what Lancelot's fate is!" I said before hurrying out of Gaius' chambers and rushing to the council chamber.

I arrived just as Lancelot was being pushed from the room and the doors were slamming shut behind him. I could hear Uther and Arthur arguing through the door.

"What are they doing?" I asked as I approached Lancelot as he straightened his armor.

"Deciding my fate," he said nervously.

"They'll restore your knighthood, of course they will. You killed the griffin," I said confidently.

Lancelot walked away from the guards and I followed him. "I didn't kill the griffin," he said. "You did."

I laughed nervously and panic ran through my body. "That's ridiculous!"

"'Bregdan anweald'...I heard you. I saw you," he said quietly.

I didn't know what to say. I hadn't thought through what I would say to someone in Camelot who discovered my magic.

"Don't worry, your secret's safe with me. But I cannot take the credit for what I did not do. There'll be no more lies, no more deceit," Lancelot said before rushing past the guards as back into the council chambers.

I stood outside the council chambers and listened to Lancelot apologize for his deceit and say that he was leaving Camelot to go far away. My heart fell at the thought of losing him. Arthur sounded sad to see him go, as well. For which I was glad to know. Perhaps when he becomes king, he will change the law.

Lancelot walked out of the council chambers and didn't look at me as he strode to leave the castle. I followed him, but looked in to see Arthur looking like he had just lost a friend. He watched me follow Lancelot out.

Lancelot was in my room gathering his few belongings when we got back. I was silent and sad as I watched him. Gaius allowed him to take some fruit and some cured meat for his journey so I quietly packed that up. When he was done packing he came down the stairs to where Gaius and I were. He looked at my sad face and my outstretched hand offering him a small pack of food and water.

"Don't look so sad, Merlin," he said with a small smile.

My lower lip trembled as I fought tears. I shook my head. "I should have never gotten involved. I messed everything up."

"No Merlin, I was wrong. Lancelot needed you and you needed Lancelot. Your destinies were entwined," Gaius said from in front of the fire.

I shook my head again. "Only if my destiny is to destroy everyone's lives."

"Merlin," Lancelot said, stepping close to me. He smelled of sweat, soap, and armor polish. "There's nothing you could do to destroy my life. My life is better, so much better, having met you. Knowing that you are here, safe in Camelot, will keep me happy until the next time we meet."

"That next time better be soon," I insisted with a sniff as tears fell.

"It will be, Merlin," he said softly and leaned down and gently kissed my lips wet with tears.

"Until next time, Sir Lancelot," I said when he pulled away.

"Until next time, my lady," he said with a wink before leaving me and Gaius.

The door shut behind him and I spun to Gaius. My eyes were wide and my mouth open in delighted shock. Gaius had raised eyebrows and an impressed look on his face.

"He kissed me!" I exclaimed.

"He kissed you," Gaius agreed.

"He likes me!"

"Don't tell Arthur!"

"Yeah, he would hate to see me happy," I said with a chuckle. "He would have to give me extra chores out of spite to wipe the smile off my face. He would be so… sour."

Gaius shook his head and rolled his eyes like I was an idiot.

But I didn't care to question him. I had just been kissed by a knight! Sort of….


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey babes! Sorry for a delay in updates! Hopefully it wasn't too long for you. :)   
> I work on a family therapy team for kids at risk of removal from the home for mental health issues, and it's been super busy. And then my in-laws are moving so we've been doing weekend garage sales for them.   
> It's been busy in my world!   
> But, here's part one of La Morte d'Arthur, and i hope you enjoy it! The next chapter is part two, and then the chapter after that is back to the sexual tension buffet that we all love. We're going to need it after this dish of drama. ;)  
>  Hope you're all well!  
> xoxo

We were being quiet as we stalked an animal through the woods. Arthur and some of the knights crouched low and crept through the leaves and brush of the forest. I tip toed just behind Arthur, trying to keep quiet and balanced while carrying Arthur’s supplies and a few weapons. They were hunting for fun, but they all treated the trip like a terribly serious mission with utmost importance.

            Arthur signaled for us all to stop after a sound of movement was heard ahead. “Merlin, spear,” he demanded quietly.

            I located the spear in the many items I was carrying, and clumsily held it out for Arthur. He, of course, made a comment about my natural grace, and I quipped back about his rudeness.

            It had been a tense few weeks since rumor quickly spread that Lancelot and I had kissed. I had made the mistake of telling Gwen in public and our conversation had been overheard. It was just another few days until Morgana heard, who mentioned it while I served dinner to the royal family. Horrifying embarrassment was putting it lightly. Servants were to be hardly seen and never heard, especially while serving dinner to King Uther. But Morgana, thinking she was being funny, brought it up while I was pouring wine into Arthur’s goblet. Needless to say, I spilled wine over Arthur’s plate of chicken and vegetables. The rest of that evening had not gone well; Uther made a rude comment, Arthur dismissed me for the night, Morgana tried to apologize, and Gaius laughed at me. Now, Arthur and I weren’t quite avoiding each other like we’ve done in the past, but we weren’t exactly friendly.

            I was lost in thought, following the knights, when there was a loud, low growl in the distance. It sounded huge, and nothing like a buck or a rabbit….

            Arthur must have sensed my hesitance because he looked back at me, a softness on his face now. “Don’t worry, it’s likely more afraid of you than you are of it,” he tried to assure me.

            But, he was very wrong. While he was still looking back at me, a beast jumped into view. It looked like nothing I had ever seen before, but I mostly saw claws and teeth. Arthur dropped his spear and ran with the knights, away from the beast. He was not wearing his armor and the knights were in minimal chainmail. There was no way they were equipped for fighting this beast. I ran amongst them, dropping supplies and weapons as I went to help my speed. I chanced a glance back at the beast, and tripped over a root. A few of the knights rushed to help me get back up and run again. My magic didn’t even have time to react.

            We ran until the beast stopped chasing us and we all stopped to catch our breath.

            “Who’s missing?” Arthur asked, out of breath and looking around.

            I took note of the winded knights as I took as much air into my aching lungs as possible. “Sir Bedivere…”

            There was screaming in the distance, it was Sir Bedivere. He was one of the knights who stopped to help me up when I fell, and he was being killed by the beast. Guilt filled me and stayed there as we made our way back to the castle to inform the king.

            Gaius was present when the council was called to discuss the attack from the beast. “The beast you are describing fits the description of the Questing Beast,” he said gravely. That sounded like a magical creature. I narrowed my eyes at Gaius. Hopefully he was mistaken.

            “Surely that’s a myth,” Arthur said, but didn’t dismiss Gaius.

            “Gaius, it’s an old wives’ tale,” King Uther said, warning on his tone.

            “Look, whatever it is, it’s spreading panic,” Arthur said, removing the conversation from Gaius. “The people fear it will enter the city.”

            “Then you must kill it. Gather the guard. You ride at dawn,” Uther commanded Arthur and started to leave the council.

            Arthur glanced at me. I nodded in understanding that I was the one to gather the guard for the morning and get him ready.

            I sent word to his knights, prepared Arthur a bath, and then started gathering the things he would need for the hunt. When his armor was ready, I headed to Gaius’ chambers to sharpen Arthur’s sword and head to bed.

            Gaius was stooped over his books when I got there, his brow furrowed in worry.

            “This is no ordinary beast, Merlin,” he warned.

            “Don’t worry,” I said dismissively. Experience told me that every beast that came into Camelot was not an ordinary beast, and that Arthur and I could defeat it.

            “No, listen to me, you don't understand. Uther may not respect the Old Religion, but it is very real. To face a beast such as this, you must understand where it came from. At the very heart of the Old Religion lies the magic of life and death itself. The Questing Beast carries that power. One bite, you die, and there is no cure,” Gaius explained.

            I sighed. Of course there was no cure. “We will be careful, Gaius. I’ll watch over Arthur,” I said with less confidence than before.

            The next morning, Arthur stood before the knights, giving them a speech to bolster their confidence, when Morgana came running out of the castle in her night clothes. She called his name frantically, tears on her cheeks. She ran to Arthur and gripped his arms. “Arthur, you can’t go! No!” She pleaded him.

            “Morgana, what are you doing? Go back to bed, there’s nothing to be afraid of,” Arthur said, trying to calm her.

            Gwen and I had spoken often of Morgana’s nightmares and I knew Gaius had often given her a potion to help her sleep. I approached Morgana and tried to pull her off of Arthur. “She probably had a bad dream, sire. I’ll take her to see Gaius,” I said and struggled to help Morgana up the stairs. Guards were called to help me.

            “No! I will not let you go!” Morgana cried out.

            “I will make sure he’s safe, my lady. I promise,” I said as the guards practically carried her into the castle.

            Everyone was shaken by Morgana’s outburst, but Arthur reprised his speech about bravery and fortitude. It worked, and the knights and Arthur and I were off for the forest.

            We returned to where we had seen the beast the day before and started our search there. Arthur assumed the lair of the beast was nearby and that we had stumbled across it during the hunt. Gaius’ warning and Morgana’s fear followed me through the woods. Something was different, something was wrong. My magic was on high alert as we searched the woods on foot, weapons out.

            We were silent as Arthur and the knights scanned the ground for tracks. Something caught Arthur’s eye and he quickly lead us to a large claw print in the mud. It was huge and seemed freshly made. A growl was heard not far away and I took an unsteady breath. Arthur looked back at me. “Stay close,” he said quietly.

            We followed the tracks to a cave and my heart sank. It had to be a cave, didn’t it? It had to be dark, with unclear routes, with never ending tunnels leading to who knows where. We lit torches and went in pairs through the tunnels.

            My magic perked up when I sensed the presence of another magical creature. Gaius was right, it was a creature of the Old Religion. I lead the way for Arthur, holding the torch out to illuminate our path. The tunnel we took opened up to a larger space. Bones littered the ground, and I was sure that this was where the beast lived.

            There was a hissing sound and Arthur stepped up to stand in front of me. “What was that?” I asked.

            “Shh!” Arthur shushed me, as he looked around. His eyes were wide and almost fearful, as noises of movement echoed throughout the larger space. We turned to where a sound echoed, but nothing was there. Then my magic jumped in warning as the creature was closest now, and I turned to see it just behind Arthur.

            Arthur roughly pushed me away from him and the beast and swung his sword. He swiped at the beast a few times as I ran for higher ground on a rock. I needed to get it away from Arthur. Surely the other knights would hear the fight and come to help. But Arthur could not get bit. I climbed in large leaps that would likely not be possible without magic, and waved the torch. “Hey!” I called out. “Hey, over here!”

            The beast took one last swipe at Arthur before rounding on me. It was successful and Arthur was thrown to the ground, his sword skidding across the rocks. I used my magic to fling the sword into the neck of the beast. It glowed purple as it roared in pain before it fell to the ground, presumably dead. 

            I ran to Arthur, who was still unmoving on the ground. “It didn’t bite you, did it?” I asked his unconscious body frantically.

            I shook him by his shoulders and when I pulled away, my hand was wet with blood. Panic seized my body and my own blood ran cold. “Arthur! Arthur!” I called his name but he did not respond.

            “Somebody help me!” I screamed for the knights. I checked for a pulse, it was weak but there. He was alive. I pushed his hair back from his face. He was pale like death. Tears poured down my face and splashed onto Arthur’s armor.  I summoned my magic and tried a few quick spells, but nothing worked. “Somebody!” I screamed again, my voice screeching and echoing off the cave walls.

            The knights made it to where we were and immediately lifted Arthur from the rocky floor. One of them helped me up, I didn’t see who it was, as my eyes were fixed on Arthur’s lifeless form.

            The frantic run back to the horses and then speeding ride back to the castle was done blinded by tears and filled with panic. The knights took him immediately to Gauis’ chambers and I rushed ahead. I burst through the chamber doors and pushed everything off of the table. Gaius looked offended for a fraction of a second before he took in the still Arthur.

            “What’s happened?” he demanded of me but I didn’t have any words. Gaius leaned over Arthur to see where the blood on his shoulder was coming from. “He’s been bitten!” He said and looked at me again.

            “I tried to protect him,” I said, my voice thick with tears.

            “Go and tell the king,” Gaius demanded of a guard.

            After the guard left, Gaius and I were alone with Arthur. “There must me something you can do,” I begged of Gaius.

            “I wish there was,” he said and looked sadly down at the fallen prince.

            Rage filled me now. This was my fault. I failed to complete my purpose in life- I failed to protect Arthur. I had to fix this. “I will find a cure,” I said determinedly and rushed to my spell book.

            “Merlin!” Gaius called after me.

            “Trust me, Gaius!” I called back to him as I located the book in my room. I would do anything required to make sure Arthur lived.

            I rushed back down to the main room and began flipping through the pages hurriedly. Gaius looked at what I was holding and said incredulously “The king will be here any moment!”

            “He can’t die! It’s my destiny to protect him!” I snapped at Gaius. I took a shaky breath and wiped at my tears. “We haven’t done everything we were meant to.”

            Gaius looked as if he didn’t understand. “That’s the lament of all men.”

            “Gaius,” I said more calmly now, realizing that snapping at the physician did us no good. “He’s my friend.”

            “Then save him,” Gaius said, giving me permission to use magic.

            I looked at the book. This would take too much time if I had to flip through every page. I closed my eyes and asked the book to show me it’s best healing spell. I opened my eyes to see the pages opening to a spell. I tried it on Arthur, but nothing happened. I asked the book for another, but this one also didn’t work.

            We stepped to the still unmoving Arthur. “Maybe the spells need time to take effect,” I desperately suggested to Gaius.

            “The bite of the Questing Beast is a death sentence that no magic can overturn,” Gaius said seriously.

            Uther was heard coming down the hall, shouting for Arthur. He burst into the chamber and immediately went to his son’s side. I had never seen Uther care so much for Arthur as when he thought he was loosing him.

            “Do something, Gaius!” Uther demanded.   

            “I am trying, your majesty,” Gaius assured him.

            “Gaius will find a cure. He will not let him die,” I said, truly meaning that I would find a cure and that I would not let him die. I would use magic.

            Gaius gave me a look of warning. “I will do everything in my power.”

            Uther pulled Arthur into his arms. “I will bear him to his chambers,” he said quietly.

            I watched silently as Uther carried Arthur out of Gaius’ chambers. I felt sick to my stomach and entirely responsible. I should have stopped him from going after the beast. I should have had more knights accompany him. This should not have happened.

            Gaius and I followed Uther out into the courtyard. Uther went to his knees under the weight of his son and his grief. Knights rushed to help him and carried Arthur the rest of the way to his chambers. The heartbroken and grief stricken Uther remained on his knees until Gaius helped him up.

            My magic wasn’t strong enough to save him, I knew this now. I needed help. I needed the dragon. So while Gaius hurried to Arthur’s chambers to tend to his wounds as best as he could, I sprinted to the dungeons to the passage that led to the dragon. He was waiting for me when I got there.

            “I’ve failed Arthur,” I said with tears threatening to fall. “Failed in my destiny.”

            “And yet you would not be here if that we true,” the dragon replied.

            “He was bitten by the Questing Beast,” I explained. “He’s going to die.”

            “Does he still breathe?” the dragon asked.

            “Only just.”

            “Then there is still time to heal him,” the dragon said.

            “I’ve tried, I cannot save him,” I admitted.

            “You do not know how to save him,” the dragon said cryptically.

            “But you could tell me?” I asked hopefully.

            “Perhaps…. It will not be easy,” the dragon said, a teasing lilt in his tone

            “Please, I’ll do anything,” I pleaded. “Just tell me what I have to do.”

            “Very well. The Questing Beast is a creature conjured by the powers of the Old Religion. You must use the same ancient magic to save him. It is the magic of the earth itself. It is the essence which binds all things together. It will last long beyond the time of men. You must find those who still serve it. Those who hold dominion over life and death. Go to the place that men call the Isle of the Blessed, where the power of the ancients can still be felt. There you will discover Arthur's salvation.”

            “Thank you,” I said to the dragon, trying to convey just how deeply grateful I was. “Thank you.”

            “And Merlin, Arthur must live… no matter what the cost,” he said warningly.

            I nodded at the dragon. I could not agree more.

            I returned to Gaius’ chambers where he was working on a potion. “Merlin, you’re back. You must give this to Arthur to ease his passing.”

            “No, we have to save him,” I said and started gathering supplies for a journey.

            “But you’ve already tried!” Gaius said, trying to talk sense into me.

            “The beast comes from the Old Religion so the cure must come from there, as well,” I said, summarizing what the dragon had told me.

            “There are not many left with such an art,” Gaius said with a shake of his head.

            “You said yourself, the Old Religion is still alive. And, there is an island beyond the White Mountains-“

            “No!”

            “The Isle of the Blessed. You’ve heard of it?”

            “It was said to be the center of the Old Religion, the focus of it’s power,” Gaius explained.

            “Why did you keep this from me?” I questioned angrily.

            “Because it was too dangerous,” Gaius said as if it was enough.

            “It’s our only chance!” I exclaimed. Why couldn’t Gaius see this?

            “The High Priests have the power to mirror life and death, but there will be a price to pay. They will demand a life in return. Merlin, please, I beg of you,” Gaius said, desperation in his voice.

            “I’m sorry, Gaius. Whatever the price is, I will pay it gladly,” I said before finishing packing.

            Gaius ended up agreeing with me going to the Isle of the Blessed. As I was preparing a horse, he met me outside and gave me a map of the way and a small wrapped gift. It was a rabbit’s foot that his mother had given him for protection against evil spirits. I thanked him and kept the foot in my pocket.

            The journey took a full day’s hard ride. It was evening again when I reached the lake. I left the horse with some apples and grain before I summoned a boat to take me to the island. It was foggy on the lake, and quiet and still. I was weary from my travels and exhausted emotionally, but I did not sleep on the boat. My mind was solely fixed on the mission in front of me. The isle came into view, a ruined castle covered most of it. Water ran through the lower part of the castle now, and the boat led me through it. It was quiet and eerie in the early evening. My skin prickled and the hair on the back of my neck stood on end. The magic in my veins made my heart pump faster the closer we got to land. At the center of the castle, on land, there was a green courtyard with stones in a circle and a large stone altar. This must have been where the High Priests lived. But there was nobody here. Had they all died off like we were led to believe?

            I spun around. “Hello?” I called out.

            “Hello, Merlin,” a woman’s voice said.

            I spun to see the maid who had poisoned me all those months ago. But that maid was actually Nimueh, I knew now.

            “You,” I said accusingly.

            “Do you know who I am?” she asked with humor as she approached me.

            “Nimueh. You can’t be who the dragon meant,” I said and shook my head.

            “And why is that?” she challenged.

            “Because you tried to kill me,” I explained.

            “That was before I understood your importance,” she replied.

            “And Arthur?” I questioned.

            “Arthur was never destined to die at my hand, and now it seems that I will be his salvation,” she said coyly.

            “So you know what I’ve come to ask?” I surmised.

            “Yes,” she said with a smirk.

            “Will you do it?” I asked of her, even though I now felt like this was all wrong.

            “I do not have the power to mirror life itself and yet give nothing in return. To save a life, there must be a death. The balance of the world must be restored,” she explained.

            “I willingly give my life for Arthurs’,” I said determinedly and raised my chin.

            “How brave you are, Merlin,” she said with humor. “If only it were that simple.”

            “What do you mean?” I asked, hesitating.

            “Once you enter into this bargain, it cannot be undone,” she warned me.

            “Whatever I need to do, I will do,” I said sternly to her, stepping forward. I knew what I was doing, why did she have to question me? “His life is worth a hundred of mine.”

            Nimueh must have seen that I wasn’t playing around because she conjured a golden goblet out of the air. She held it out to me. “The Cup of Life. Blessed by centuries of powerful sorcerers so that it contains the very secret of life itself. If Arthur drinks water from the cup, he will live.”

            I walked towards her, feeling powerful magic emanating from the goblet as I got closer. She wasn’t lying, this had to contain more power than I had ever come in contact with. I could feel it. My bones felt like they were vibrating as I reached out to take it.

            She handed it over to me easily and then called into being a rain shower. The skies opened up and poured down a cool rain. I held out the cup and let it fill with rain water. When the cup was sufficiently filled, the rain stopped. The air around me smelled like wet grass and cotton, and the ground began to steam as the reemerged sun dried the rain. Nimueh poured the water from the Cup of Life into a small flask.

            “The bargain is struck,” she said and handed me the flask. Then she grabbed my wrist with a coy look. “I hope it pleases you.”

            If I hadn’t had the exact thing I was looking for in my hand, then I would have thought she was up to something. But I paid her behavior no mind and quickly left without another word. I had to get back to Arthur.

            I ran to the boat and used magic to make it faster to the shore. Then I rode as fast and as hard as I could back to the castle. The horse must have known that this was a serious occasion because he didn’t complain or slow as we sped through the forest.

            It was morning, some time after the servants’ bell, when I arrived back in Camelot. I left the horse for the stable hands and sprinted to Gaius’ chambers despite the protest of my body. I burst into the room, starling the old man.

            “Merlin!” He exclaimed.

            “Gaius we have to give this to Arthur. It’s water from the Cup of Life. If he drinks from it, he will survive. We need to hurry,” I said, out of breath.           

            Gaius took in my appearance, which was likely dirty and disheveled. He started to walk towards the door and then stopped suddenly.

            “What are you waiting for? We need to hurry,” I insisted.

            “What price did you pay to redeem his life?” Gaius demanded, angrily. “Whose life did you bargain?!”

            “Don’t worry, Gaius. Everything’s going to be alright!” I tried my best to reassure him with a bright smile.

            It worked because we were able to rush up to Arthur’s chambers and give him the water. I sat behind him and propped up his head on my lap as Gaius poured some of the water into his mouth. Arthur swallowed the water and I pushed back his sweaty hair from his forehead.            

            Nothing happened. It didn’t work. My breath caught in my throat and came out as a sob.

            “I will go get the King,” Gaius said after a few moments of no response from Arthur. He shut the door behind him softly.

            “Arthur you need to wake up,” I said, tears rolling down my cheeks. “We still need you here. Camelot needs you. Your father needs you. I- I need you. And not just for a job. You’re my friend. And- and you’re going to be the best King that Albion has ever seen. That the world has ever seen. Arthur, we still have so much to do. Please, Arthur,” I cried and pressed my forehead against his.

            Maybe it wasn’t enough of the water. Maybe he needed another swallow. I opened the flask and poured the rest of the water into his mouth and he swallowed it just as the door opened.

            King Uther and Gaius came into the room. “What are you doing? What is she giving him, physician?”

            “It’s a… tincture made from the lobelia plant, an ancient remedy for poisonous bites,” Gaius lied.

            “A cure?” Uther asked, breathless with hope.

            “We hope,” Gaius said.

            “Do you really think it will have some effect?” Uther asked, coming closer and seeing my tear streaked, dirty face.

            “It’s our last resort, sire. Perhaps you should allow him to rest,” Gaius suggested.

            “I will not leave him,” Uther said and sat next to Arthur on the bed.

            I stood up, clearly intruding on Uther’s time with his son. I didn’t want to leave. If I was to die to save Arthur, I wished I could do it next to him. But, perhaps this was better. He wouldn’t have to wake up with a dead body so close to him.

            I sighed as Gaius ushered me out of the room and back to his chambers. We passed Morgana, who looked like she hadn’t slept as long as I had been gone. She grabbed my arm as we passed. “Please, Merlin. You must beware. This is only the beginning,” she said frantically.

            I apologized to her and rushed after Gaius back to his chambers. I didn’t understand what Morgana was saying and I didn’t want to let on like I knew anything of what she was saying. A chill set into my bones and wouldn’t leave.

            I couldn’t sleep, despite the exhaustion of my body. I paced Gaius chambers back and forth for hours. Gaius went to check on Arthur and Uther after he ate dinner and took awhile to come back. I couldn’t stand the waiting. If Arthur was going to wake up and live, then shouldn’t I drop dead? Was that how it worked? Was the fact that I was still up and walking mean that Arthur was still unconscious?

            Gaius opened the door and entered, a solemn look on his face. I stopped my pacing and waited. “The Prince lives,” Gaius said.

            Relief and happiness swept over my body. I ran my hands through my matted and dirty hair as tears fell from my eyes. I was more relieved and happy than I had ever been in my life. I was ecstatic. I did it. It worked!

            Gaius shut the door behind him and looked at me solemnly and bowed his head. He looked like he knew exactly what I had done. Some of the happiness slipped away as I remembered that this meant I was to die.

            I needed to see for myself that he was alive. I needed to see him again before I died. Gaius prepared for bed and turned in, and I quietly slipped out of the room.

            Candles were lit in Arthur’s room when I entered and he looked up at me. He smiled.

            “I knew it. I knew you’d be alright,” I said with a relieved sigh. My relief was tenfold now that I saw him awake and smiling at me.

            “I can remember you talking to me,” he said, looking like he was straining to remember.

            “Y- you can?” I hesitated and turned away from him and poured a glass of water.

            “You stroked my forehead,” he said thoughtfully.

            “I was tending to your fever,” I tried to say defensively.

            “You still need me,” Arthur said, repeating what I had said.

            “I was just talking,” I tried to dismiss him.

            “Tell me again what you said?” He requested.

            “I don’t remember,” I said with a shake of my head.

            “Yes you do,” he said in a teasing tone.

            “No, I don’t,” I tried. A deep blush crept over my face and neck.

            “Oh come on! Something about how I am going to be the best king in the world and that you need me, and that you want me, oh! You love me!” he teased.

            “I never said that!” I insisted, turning back to him.

            “You might as well have,” he laughed as he took in my blush. “Say it now.”

            “I- need to get these washed,” I said and picked up the clothes used to wash away his feverish sweat.

            Arthur was laughing as I shut the door behind me. If that was the last that I spoke to Arthur, it was alright. He knew how much I cared for him.

            I went to bed, finally, ready to give my life for Arthur’s. I knew that I would not wake up. I wrote a letter to Gaius and my mother and lay in my bed until sleep enveloped me. I had no regrets. I had fulfilled my destiny to protect Arthur, and I had done it well. I fell asleep with the image of Arthur’s laughing face in my head.  

           

           

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm uploading two chapters today!  
> The second one, chapter 9, is shorter but... you'll see. ;)

The servants bell clanged in the distance and the first peek of sunlight was shining through the trees surrounding the city. I awoke with a sigh. I didn’t get enough sleep and my body was letting me know through the aches and pains in my bones. I felt as old as Gaius. I stood up from my bed and stretched my arms over my head. I looked over at my clothes and saw my simple cotton dress with tears and stains of mud and grass.

            I gasped. “I’m alive!”

            I bounded down the stairs to the main room of the chambers to see Gaius. “Gaius, I’m alive!”

            But he was crouching over someone who was collapsed on the floor by the door. Someone must have come in this morning feeling ill. I took a step closer, that cloak looked familiar….

            “What is it? What happened?” I questioned, sensing something was wrong.

            “Merlin, stay there!” Gaius demanded.

            I didn’t listen and pushed to see who was on the floor. I almost shrieked at the sight. It was Mother, covered in boils and sores and struggling to breath. “Mother!” I shouted.

            “Merlin,” she tried to croak out and touched my arm.

            “What’s happened to her?” I asked Gaius, panic consuming me.

            “She’s gravely ill,” he said trying to hide his grief.

            “Do something!” I demanded of him.

            “If only I could,” Gaius said quietly, ignoring my tone.

            “Please, Gaius,” I begged with tears in my eyes now.

            “Merlin, this is no ordinary illness,” he tried to explain to me.

            “This cannot happen,” I stressed to him as tears flowed now.

            “Who did you meet at the Isle of the Blessed?” He asked me, looking curious and angry at the same time.

            “Nimueh,” I said and everything made sense. I was alive and my mother was dying. She had taken Mother’s life rather than mine. “It was as you said. She demanded a price, but I bargained my life- not my mothers.”

            “Merlin. I wish there was something I could do,” Gaius said quietly.

            I Mother’s hand. “I will make you better. I will,” I promised her.

            Gaius and I got Mother into my bed and he was helping her drink water when I quickly dressed and left. Someone was going to answer for this. I rushed to see the dragon in the dungeons. I whipped into the dragon’s dungeon with an angry force.

            “You knew this would happen! You had me trade my mother's life for Arthur's!” I shouted at the waiting dragon.

            “You said you would do anything,” he said coyly.

            “Did you know my mother would die?” I spat.

            “I knew the price would be a heavy one,” the dragon explained.

            “But you sent me anyway,” I said, feeling mislead.

            “We need Arthur to live,” he insisted. “Your destiny is to protect the young Pendragon until he claims his crown, and when he does, magic can be returned to the realm. Only then will I be free.”

            “Oh, so that’s all you cared about?” I asked, venom in my voice.

            “I am more than than, Merlin. I am your kin,” he said as if this all had a larger purpose.

            “No! The only family I have is my mother, and you had me murder her,” I said, my voice shaking.

            “Her life has not been taken in vain. We will achieve great things together, you and I,” the dragon tried to convince me.

            “You will never be released for what you’ve done! I’ll make sure you never see the light!” I screamed at the dragon. My stomach burned with anger and my hands crackled with magic.

            “Merlin!” the dragon roared as I turn and ran to go back to my mother. He breathed fire at me and I was able to turn and block it before it burned me.

            “You wont see me again,” I said coldly before leaving as quickly as I could.

            I returned to Gaius’ chambers to see my mother again. I knew what I had to do. I knew I had to go see Nimueh again.

            Gaius was sitting alone by the fire in the darkened room. He looked sadder than I’ve ever seen him. “Where is she?” I asked hesitantly.

            Gaius took too long to reply. “She’s sleeping,” he said and I knew that she was alive.

            “I have to save her,” I said desperately.

            “You cannot,” Gaius insisted.

            “If the balance of the world needs a live, then Nimueh must take mine,” I said and began to pack a bag again.

            “No, Merlin,” Gaius scolded.

            “Yes, I will return to the island,” I said with finality as I put a dagger into the bag.

            “You are young. Your gifts, your destiny are far too precious to sacrifice,” Gaius tried to reason with me.

            “My destiny? This is my mother. My powers mean nothing if I cannot save her. You have taught me so much. Taught me who I am. Taught me the purpose for my skills. Taught me that magic should only be used for great deeds. But most of all, you have always taught me to do what is right,” I said, tears welling up in my eyes.

            “Merlin,” Gaius said with a tone that said he was giving up the argument to me.

            “I need to say goodbye to Arthur,” I said with a sniffle. I owed him that much.

            Gaius nodded and I went to speak to Arthur again. He was sitting up and pouring himself a drink. One arm was in a sling and he wore a loose red shirt, undone at the neckline.

            “Ah, Merlin,” he said pleasantly when I entered.

            “How are you feeling?” I asked him.

            “Good,” Arthur said studying me. He knew something was wrong, I could tell by the way he was looking at me.

            “I’m pleased,” I said and looked away, busying myself with straightening up.

            “Yes, I owe it all to Gaius,” he said, still looking at me through narrowed eyes.

            “I need to talk to you,” I said in a rush and turned to face him.

            “You still haven't got it yet, have you? I decide when we need to talk,” Arthur said and rolled his eyes.

            “Not today,” I replied with urgency.

            “I sometimes wonder if you know who I am,” Arthur said quizzically.

            “Oh, I know who you are,” I said with a scoff.

            “Good,” Arthur said with finality.

            “You’re a prat. And a royal one,” I said and crossed my arms over my chest.

            Arthur looked up at me angrily until he saw the laughter in my eyes. He chuckled. “Are you ever going to change, Merlin?”

            “No, you'd get bored. But promise me this, if you get another servant, don't get a bootlicker,” I said and walked around to stand in front of where he was sitting at the table.

            “If this is you trying to leave your job…” Arthur said in what sounded like a threatening tone.

            “No, I’m happy to be your servant. Until the day I die,” I said and my voice was strangled for the last part.

            He set down his goblet and looked at me strangely. “Sometimes I think I know you, Merlin. And other times…” he shook his head.

            “Well, I know you. And you’re a great warrior. One day, you’ll be a great king,” I said, tears welling in my eyes again.

            “Merlin, what’s wrong?” Arthur asked and moved to stand up but put too much strain on his back and he gave a little gasp of pain before remaining seated.  “What’s got you so worked up?”

            I was overwhelmed with emotion at the look of care in his eyes. I went down to my knees in front of his chair and broke out in a sob. He almost died because of me, and now he’s better. And I was so deeply grateful for his good health. But now my mother was dying because of the choice I made. And in order to right that, I had to die for her. There was no way out of this without loss. I couldn’t win this. 

            “Merlin,” Arthur said with shock and worry heavy in his voice. He reached over with his good hand and pulled me towards him. I covered my face with my hands and cried into his legs. He stroked my tangled, braided hair despite its dirtiness. “What happened?” he questioned again after a few moments, gently pulling my tear soaked face up so he could see it.

            “I-“ I started and realized there was no way to explain this without getting myself killed or thrown into the dungeon before I could save my mother. “I made a choice and it didn’t work out the way I wanted it to. And now I have to fix it.”

            “Is it Gaius? Is it Gwen?” he listed. His face went dark. “Is it Lancelot? Did he do something dishonorable?”

            “No, no,” I shook my head. “It’s… complicated. I can’t explain. But please, Arthur, please remember the things you’ve learned in the time I’ve known you. Remember to be kind and just. And to listen, as well.”

            “Any other pointers?” he asked, still looking concerned.

            “Just… don’t be a prat,” I said with a light smile.

            “I’ll try. Merlin, if there’s someway I can help you, tell me,” he offered with a look of worry.

            I shook my head and wiped my tears.

            “Come and see me as soon as you’re back,” he said as I went to the door.

            I paused, but didn’t look back, before I opened the door. I couldn’t bear to see his face, so open and full of concern, before I left.

            Back at Gaius’ chambers, I visited with mother. Gaius had gone to get supplies and left Gwen to sit with her. Gwen hugged me tightly and kissed my cheek before leaving to finish her duties in the castle. I promised Mother I would make her well again and held her hand before going to bed. I needed to be rested for the journey ahead.

            The next morning, I awoke early before the sunrise to get a start on my journey. I looked around for Gaius but he wasn’t there. That was strange, he always woke with the servants’ bell which was a few hours away. I looked around to see if he’d left a note and saw a folded piece of parchment with my name on it. I grabbed it quickly and read it as fast as I could.

           

_Dear Merlin,_

_My life is already near to its end. There has, for the most part, been very little purpose to it, very little that will be remembered. In contrast, Merlin, your life is destined for greatness. Live by the tenets I have taught you, and I believe you will, in time, become the greatest witch ever. To have known you has been my greatest pleasure, and to sacrifice myself for you is but an honor. You are and always will be the daughter I never had._

           

“No!” I shouted and grabbed my bag of supplies and took off running to the stables. The horse I would ride was saddled already, as I had paid a stable boy to do it, so it took no time for me to be out of the gates.

            I raced to the Isle of the Blessed, possibly faster than I had when I was rescuing Arthur. I felt sick with exhaustion and the horse was sweating and foaming at the mouth when I stopped her by the lake. Again, the horse I rode must have understood the importance of our mission, because she didn’t even slow as we raced. She nodded at me as I summoned the boat to the shore. Gaius must have already been there.

            I got to the center of the Isle where I met Nimueh last time, to see Gaius on the ground and Nimueh standing over him. “Stop!” I shouted.

            Nimueh looked almost startled. “Back so soon, witch?”

            “What have you done?” I wailed as I kneeled next to the fallen Gaius.

            “Your mother is safe. Isn’t that what you wanted?” Nimueh asked.

            “Have you killed him?” I asked, still kneeling next to and looking at Gaius.

            “It was his wish,” she explained.

            “I bid my life for Arthur’s! Not my mothers! Not Gaius’!” I shouted at her, my voice trembling.

            “The Old Religion does not care who lives and who dies! Only that the balance of the world is restored. To save a life, a life must be taken. Gaius knew this,” she defended herself.

            “It is not the Old Religion that has done this. It was you!”

            “Come now. We are too valuable to each other to be enemies,” she said coyly.

            “No! I share nothing with you!” I spat.

            “With my help, Arthur will become King,” she tried to bribe me.

            “I will make Arthur King. But you will never see that day!” I shouted as I stood up. I sent a spell towards her from my palms. The release of magic felt amazing and I wasn’t sure what spell I sent towards her, but I hoped it hit its mark. But she absorbed it in her own magic.

            She laughed. “Your childish tricks are useless against me, Merlin. I am a priestess of the Old Religion. You, too, are a creature of the Old Religion. You should join me.” We fought with spells going back and forth and colliding in between us.

            “You think I would join forces with such a selfish and cruel magic? Never!” I said and pushed back against the magic she sent my way.

            “Pity. Together we could have ruled the world,” she said and sent a spell towards me much faster and more forceful than her previous ones. It knocked me back off my feet and made the ground around me shake.

            She walked away from me, assuming me unconscious. I waited a few moments and caught my breath. Even though it felt like I had been trampled by a horse, I stood up. I gathered my magic and let it take over my body. It felt like mulled wine warming my body. It felt powerful and almost sensual. It was almost like it was a separate person within me saying “It’s okay, I’ve got this one.” I wasn’t sure if I liked it, but there was no turning back now.

            “You should not have killed my friend,” my voice came out deep, powerful, and echoing.

            Nimueh spun around, surprise on her face. I reached out and pulled power from the sky, creating a lighting and thunder storm right above Nimueh. The lighting came down and struck Nimueh, killing her.

            When I was sure she was dead I ran to Gaius. “Gaius! Gaius!” I called his name and shook him. But he didn’t respond. “No!” I screamed up at the sky from which I had drawn that power. It didn’t work. Nimueh’s life didn’t spare Gaius’.

            “Merlin?” Gaius asked quietly as he woke up.

            “You’re alive!” I exclaimed, my sad tears turning to happy.

            “What did you do?” he asked me, suspiciously.

            “Nimueh’s dead. The balance of the world is restored,” I explained to him.

            “You amaze me. You've mastered the power of life and death itself. We'll make a great sorceress of you yet,” he said with great pride for me.

            “So, you believe in me now?” I challenged him lightly.

            “Well I would if… if you could stop this blasted rain!” he joked.

            And I did just that before helping Gaius to the horse. I used magic to heal the horse’s exhaustion and she nudged me in thanks. The horse Gaius had ridden here needed to be summoned but arrived soon after. Gaius and I rode back to Camelot, quickly but not at the speed we had arrived with.

            When I knew that Mother was well and Gaius was settled, I went to see Arthur. It had been a day and a half since I cried into this lap and alluded to my own death. So, I was a little embarrassed to go to him now. On the walk up to his chamber I almost wished that I had indeed died on that quest to avoid this embarrassment. Or at least been injured or something. In a moment of desperation, I used magic to rip my dress skirt some. But it ripped further up the side than I had intended. Ever since defeating Nimueh, my magic had been a little more powerful than before. I had to learn to adjust to this heightened magic. Now I had a rip up the side of my dress skirts that showed some significant leg. I couldn’t go in to see Arthur like this! It was improper! I was just about to turn to leave to go change when the door opened. Arthur was at the table, not looking at the door. And nobody else came out. It must have been my magic that opened the door. Yeah, I really needed to get a handle on this new magic. Arthur looked up to see who opened his door without knocking or even announcing themselves. He looked irritated until his eyes met mine.

            “Merlin!” he exclaimed with what sounded and looked like relief.

            I smiled sheepishly and walked into the chambers in a way as not to draw attention to my ripped dress.  “Hello,” I said shyly.

            “You’re alright! I mean, you’re here!” he said coming towards me. Then he caught himself and tried again. “I mean, you’ve not been tending to your duties for days. Look at the state of my chambers!”

            I looked around at the mess he called his chambers. This man could not function without me, I swore it. I laughed. “I’ll get started at first light tomorrow. I need to tend to my own first.”

            “Well, that’s not what I pay you for,” he said with jest.

            “You’ll just have to deal with it, I suppose. I could arrange for another servant…”

            “No, I could wait. I’ve been waiting for at least four days, I guess I can wait another,” he said disdainfully, but his eyes sparkled with humor.

            “Thank you,” I smiled and turned to leave.

            “Merlin!” he exclaimed. “What were you out doing? Your dress is severely torn and it’s filthy.”

            “My mother was ill, and I had to… go and find the cure. It was a difficult journey,” I said and tried to smooth down my dress.

            “Merlin, I would have sent knights to go with you. Are you injured?” He looked me over.

            I shook my head.

            “Why didn’t you tell me? You were so upset before you left,” he said and studied my face.

            “I didn’t want to bother you so soon after your own illness,” I lied.

            “It wouldn’t have been a bother,” he said quietly. He snapped out of it. “Good servants are hard to come by.”

            “I thought I was rubbish,” I countered.

            “Oh, you are. But training a new one is so time consuming,” he countered. “And besides, it takes a lot of work to get a servant to show that much leg.”

            I let out a shocked laugh. “Sire!” I gathered my skirts together at the rip.

            “I’m only joking,” he said and shook his head. “But in all seriousness, are you able to fix that dress? Or do you need funds to buy another?”

            “I-I- was going to ask Gwen to help me mend it,” I stuttered out my plan. It was certainly not usual for someone to buy their servant a new dress.

            “Nonsense. When you go into the merchant’s town next, use my gold to buy a dress,” he said and turned to the table again.

            “Thank you, sire,” I said breathlessly.

            “I’ll see you at first light tomorrow, Merlin,” he said as I left.

            I walked back to Gaius’ chambers with my heart pounding and my stomach fluttering. My magic swirled slow and sensuous in my body. I wasn’t sure if the exhaustion was catching up to me, but it didn’t feel right. I needed to get some rest.

           


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recommended listening- "Close" by Nick Jonas and Tove Lo
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> xoxo

Late summer heat had set in and Gwen and I fanned ourselves while we found the last of the summer herbs in the forest. Arthur and the knights had gone of on a hunt that I was graciously denied attending. I had stayed behind and did some deep cleaning of Arthur’s chambers. I scrubbed out the fireplace to get it ready for winter and cleaned under furniture. It was early afternoon when I had hoped to spend some time relaxing with Gwen. But Gaius had other plans for us.

So, Gwen and I were suffering in the summer heat instead of relaxing under shade trees. “Sorry Gaius dragged you into this,” I apologized to her.

“It’s alright. We get to be outside instead of locked up in the castle laundry room or kitchens” Gwen reasoned.

“The laundry room sounds good right about now. Probably cooler,” I joked.

“Morgana’s chambers are on the coolest side of the castle and it’s still unbearable in there. It’s no wonder she wanted to go visit relatives this morning,” Gwen said as she examined some wild mint.

“What I wouldn’t do to go running into the lake right now,” I groaned.

Gwen laughed.

We lounged under a shade tree for a rest some time later.

“How’s Hunith doing? Have you heard from her?” Gwen asked.

“She wrote as soon as she got home. But it’s harvest time now so she’s very busy. She will write again after,” I explained. “But she is well. She thanks you for nursing her.”

“I’m always happy to help a friend,” Gwen said lightly.

We were quiet for some time. I twirled a stem and bloom of chamomile between my fingers.

“Have you heard from Lancelot?” Gwen asked.

“No,” I sighed. “Have you?”

“No. I figured if he’d written anyone it would have been you. You two were romantic,” Gwen said.

“I think he was romantic with the both of us,” I giggled.

“You’re not wrong,” Gwen laughed. “But if he’s not going to write either of us, I think it’s fair to move on to other men.”

“Gwen! What a scandal! Do you have another man in your life that you’re keeping from me?” I exclaimed and sat up. “Tell me! Tell me!”

She laughed and blushed. “There’s nobody just yet. But now we can surely look!”

“Well I don’t know who I’d be looking for. I hardly get out enough,” I sighed.

“I’m sure that’s by design,” Gwen said.

“How do you mean?” I asked reclining against the tree again.

“Arthur,” Gwen said and bumped her shoulder against mine. “He keeps you busy so as not to get involved with other men.”

“Oh, I doubt that,” I said dismissively.

“Everything you tell me about Arthur suggests that he has feelings for you,” Gwen said.

“Yeah like telling me that I’m a terrible servant and complaining about everything I do,” I said sarcastically.

“And you go back to work everyday. Which tells me you have feelings for him, as well,” Gwen said.

“Right, because I’m so attracted to arrogance and prattish behavior,” I rolled my eyes.

“No, you’re attracted to his eyes and his muscles,” Gwen teased. “You know, Merlin, the girls in the kitchens have told me that if you mix chamomile, rose petals, nettle, and rosemary it creates a tincture that increases desire.”

“According to you, I don’t need it,” I teased back and stood up.

I brushed off my new dress.

“Where did you get that new dress? Speaking of attraction,” Gwen said and stood up, brushing off her own dress.

I blushed. “I bought it.”

“A dress already made?” Gwen asked, shocked. A dress already sewn was rather expensive.

“Yes,” I replied and took my basket of herbs and tried to avoid further questions.

“Who bought you a dress? We make the same wages so I know there’s no way you bought that!” she said excitedly as she caught up to me.

“Arthur bought it for me,” I murmured.

“Did you- Did you just say that Royal Prat Arthur Pendragon bought you that dress?!” she exclaimed and made me stop walking.

I avoided her eye.

“Told you so,” she said slyly and linked our arms together. “I expect to be mentioned in your wedding vows.”

“Stop it,” I laughed as we started walking back towards the castle. The sun was rapidly disappearing behind dark clouds. A summer storm was rolling in and the air was heavy with it.

We didn’t make it back to the castle before it began to pour with rain. We said our hurried goodbyes and Gwen sent me home with both of our baskets of herbs. I rushed into Gaius’ chambers soaking wet with summer rain. Gaius raised an eyebrow at me and I giggled.

“It’s raining,” I explained.

“So I gathered,” Gaius replied.

I wrung my braid out near the fire.

“Arthur called for you,” Gaius said.

“Ugh, I thought he was hunting!” I groaned.

“They came back because of the storm,” Gaius explained.

“I have no time for myself!” I complained. “When did he get back?”

“About thirty minutes ago,” Gaius replied and went back to his book.

“He probably wants a hot bath. That rain is freezing,” I said with a sigh.

I used my magic to dry my dress and headed towards the laundry room. I would need towels for Arthur before I brought up his bath.

I found one of the servants in the kitchen. “Can you have some of the men bring up Arthur’s bath water?” I asked her.

“They’ve already done it, dear,” she replied. “Twenty minutes ago.”

I thanked her and then swore under my breath. Arthur was going to be irritated and I’d have to hear about if for days. I rushed up to Arthur’s chambers. He was most likely in the stables, brushing down his horse. Or in the armory putting away his weapons since I wasn’t there to meet him and do it for him.

I burst into Arthur’s chambers in a flurry of movement. I went straight to the cabinet where his clothes were and pulled out a tunic and bottoms and draped them on his bed. I rushed to the drawer where his soaps and comb were kept. The drawer was empty, the servants who brought up his water must have gotten it. The room was dark, the only light was the small fire in the hearth and the thin grey light coming from outside. Thunder roared again and I shivered at the power it expelled. I sighed and turned to go stoke the fire to make the room warmer for when Arthur returned.

But he was already there. In the bath. Watching me rush around. Naked.

“Sire!” I gasped. “I’m so sorry, I thought you were… not here!”

“We returned early. Not that you would know since you weren’t there to meet me at the stable,” Arthur said.

He was leaning back against the tub, his arms along the edge. His chest and arms were wet and glowing gold in the firelight. I suddenly remembered to avert my eyes. I remembered I should but I couldn’t.

“Gaius had me working, looking for herbs,” I said hoarsely. My mouth had inexplicably gone dry. I swallowed.

“Remind him that you are employed by me,” Arthur said with a chuckle.

I nodded.

He grabbed the scented soap from the small table next to his bath. The smell of mint and cedar filled the room and surrounded me. It was Arthur’s favorite soap and the scent of it alone simply said _Arthur_. I inhaled slowly, taking in the smell. My magic curled around my body and settled warm on my hips. I felt it reach out towards Arthur as he massaged and lathered his soap in his hands. I tried to reign in the long, reaching vines of magic. It was invisible but I was so _so_ aware of how close my magic was to his body. What was happening? What was my magic doing? I felt my heart beat slow and the world around me seemed to drop away. I wasn’t aware of the storm steady pounding on the roof anymore.

I knew when my magic reached him. Warmth spread through my body, emanating from where my magic settled in my hips. It was so strong I gave a little gasp. I involuntarily took two steps toward him as he sat up and forward in his bath. His eyes pierced mine, eyes dilated and lusting. I gulped when I realized that my magic was literally dragging us towards each other. I tried to stop it from making me walk towards him.

“Merlin,” he said quietly. His voice deeper than usual. One more step closer. Oh no.

“What?” my voice was a whisper.

“Are you joining or leaving?” he continued in that quiet, deep, gravelly voice. Like his mouth was dry, too. He moved closer to the end of the tub towards me.

Oh no.

“Leaving,” I whispered just as the ties on the back of my dress spontaneously loosened.

_Oh no._

I had to get out of there. What was going on? I turned on my heel and yanked my magic back into me and rushed from the room. I could hear Arthur chuckling as I shut the door behind me. I leaned back against the closed door. I steadied my breathing and clutched my chest. My heart felt like it would beat out of my chest and I was covered in sweat. I didn’t remember it being hot in Arthur’s room.

Morgana turned the corner and saw me. I stood up straight and acted like I was able to breathe properly. “Merlin, are you alright?” She asked before she came closer. She looked me up and down. “Oh! Finally!”

“What?” I asked, struggling to sound like I wasn’t still breathless.

“You and Arthur!” Morgana said and nodded towards Arthur’s door.

I glanced at it hoping he couldn’t hear. “What? No. Absolutely not.”

“Why is your dress practically falling off then?” she laughed and turned me around to tie my laces.

“I’m- I’m not feeling well. I must not have done it well on my own,” I said, half truthfully. I was certainly not feeling right.

“Merlin, you’re sweating! Hasn’t the storm cooled you? My chambers are quite drafty because of it. Do you want to come with me?” she asked kindly.

“No, thank you. I think I should go lie down,” I said and hurried away from her.

I caught a glimpse of myself in a decorative mirror in the hallway. My hair was a wreck from the humid storm, my face was red and sweating, my eyes were wide and dilated, and my lips chapped. What happened to me? All I knew was that I didn’t want to tell Gaius what just happened. He would laugh at me for days. This was going to have to remain a secret.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! I've been writing a little bit of this chapter whenever i got the chance, which was not often. But I hope I can make it up to you ;) 
> 
> So I've always had this theory (and i'm not sure if i've told you yet...) that if Merlin was a woman, she'd have stronger, different magic. Magic more emotionally charged and Earthy. And when she defeated Nimueh she absorbed like the Old Magic which I believe was nature based and feminine.   
> The plotline with the magic wanting her clothes to come off around Arthur is actually a main plotline to be ongoing in development. Not a hugely complicated one, as I'm sure you've already guessed it or can guess it easily. But it's a fun ride and hopefully an interesting read! 
> 
> xoxo

It took some time (like, weeks) for me to be able to get used to the new magic that flowed though me. But I was now able to be near to Arthur without my dress spontaneously trying to rip from my body and tendrils of magic from reaching out and pulling Arthur towards me. There had been a few minor wardrobe malfunctions and stumbling accidents in those weeks, but I had it Handled. As evidenced by the fact that a very sweaty Arthur was leaning up against a fence post next to me and I was still able to do my job and breathe at the same time.

I still didn’t understand the point of this strange magic. I didn’t know why I suddenly felt so breathless around him and my magic tried to undress me. The dragon only laughed when I asked him. Laughed and laughed in my face until I left. Occasionally, when I was in the castle, he used magic to laugh in my head. So, clearly, he was no help.

I fixed the saddle on Arthur’s horse while we watched a joust between two knights. One of the knights, I wasn’t sure which, smashed his lance into the armor of another knight and unhorsed him. I winced. “That has got to hurt.”

“That’s the point, Merlin. It’s not a like the pillow fights you and Gwen and Morgana have been having,” he retorted sarcastically.

“Oh, you’ve been thinking about what the three of us get up to when we’re alone?” I teased.

Arthur didn’t look at me but a blush crept up his cheeks. “Fetch me another lance, will you?” he demanded.

“Yeah, I’ll fetch your _lance_ ,” came out of my mouth. Right, there was also that. I was unable to control that part of this new magic. Not surprising since I’d never been able to censor myself all that well. Now was no exception.

Embarrassed by the words that came out of my mouth, I quickly fetched the weapon and gave it Arthur, biting my tongue until it bled. He angrily pulled the lance from my hand and mounted his horse.

When Sir Leon threw the match, I knew a fight was about to break out before Arthur even dismounted his horse. Arthur was too prideful to win because someone let him, and I didn’t really blame him. When Sir Leon said he was afraid to hurt Arthur, I didn’t blame him for that, either. But Arthur looked like he was going to explode.

“You had the advantage! You can’t afford to hesitate!” Arthur scolded the knight.

“I wouldn’t have done if I were facing a different opponent. You are the future king, my lord,” Sir Leon explained. Yeah, I really didn’t blame him at all. But given the opportunity, I’d knock Arthur off his horse any given day- royalty or not.

“You jousted against me in the tournament last year. Are you saying you let me win?” Arthur questioned, fire in his eyes.

“No, my lord,” Sir Leon said in a way that actually said “Yes.”

“It doesn’t matter who I am! I do not expect any special treatment from you, from any of you! Is that understood?” Arthur lectured to the group.

“Well, _I’m_ a little confused,” I said from behind him as I held his helmet and fed his horse a carrot. A few knights hid chuckles behind their hands.

“Shut up, Merlin,” Arthur warned before stalking back to the castle.

Later, we were in his chambers and he was still fuming. He had almost broken down his bedroom doors entering the room, still trying to show how strong and capable he was, I assumed. He stripped off his armor and I scurried around behind him, picking it up as he spoke.

“How am I supposed to prove myself if my opponents aren’t trying their hardest?” He asked me and I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to answer or not.

“It’s not happening all of the time,” I said. I had known of a few instances during practices that the knights had spoken of before.

“So it’s happening some of the time?” he turned and asked me, actually asked me, and awaited my response.

“No, I’m sure it’s not,” I tried to reassure him.

“Now you’re doing it! Telling me exactly what I want to hear!” he shouted and turned away to finish removing his armor.

“Hmm, is that all you want to hear from me?” my voice sounded flirtatiously across the room. It took a second for me to even recognize that I had said that.

Arthur ignored that, thank the stars. “That just proves it. All my life I’ve been treated special. I just want to be treated like everyone else.”

“Really?” I questioned him as the blush receded from my face.

“You have no idea how lucky you are,” Arthur said to me.

I sputtered around a laugh, “Well, any time you want to swap places, just let me know.”

“That’s not a totally stupid idea,” Arthur said as he removed his boots.

“You’re Prince Arthur. You can’t change who you are,” I said as I finished gathering his armor.

“Yes, I can,” Arthur said in that tone that said he had a terrible idea that would involve a lot of work.

That idea ended up being hiring someone from a village to pretend to be a knight who would be the face to Arthur’s talent during the upcoming tournament. Arthur would hide with me and Gaius during the tournament. I was right, this was going to be a lot of work.

Arthur spun a story to Uther about a beast in the forest and was granted permission to miss the tournament to track it down with a few guards. Arthur was able to pay off the guards to not say anything to anyone and to stay in an inn in a nearby village. I met him in the forest with a bag of my clothes from Ealdor, which were considered men’s clothing by Camelot’s standards. In Ealdor, it was more out of convenience working in the field than style or propriety.

“What is that smell?” Arthur asked, his nose crinkled. “Whose clothes are these?”

“They’re mine. I washed them specially. Don’t worry, it’s not a dress. Are you sure this is a good idea?” I asked as he took the bag from me.

“Seems pretending to be somebody else is the only way to get people to be honest with me. Grab this bag, will you?” he handed the bag back to me, clothes in hand.

“If you want to pass as a peasant, you should probably carry your own bag,” I said.

“No one will know it’s my bag,” he said with a smirk and threw it back at me.

“There must be easier ways to prove yourself,” I sighed.

“Shut up, Merlin!” he gritted out between his teeth as he went to change behind a tree.

Once he was dressed we snuck back into the castle and to Gaius’ chambers. He took down his hood and Gaius bowed. “My Lord.”

“Gaius, it’s good of you to allow me to stay in your home,” Arthur said to the physician.

“I’m happy to help,” Gaius said, but with a hint of long suffering annoyance. “I’ll prepare us some food.”

When Arthur turned to hang his cloak up on the rack, Gaius gave me a Look that said he was not happy to be an accomplice.

Arthur called me over to him and said “Merlin, you can’t expect me to stay here.”

“We need to keep you out of sight. We can trust Gaius not to tell anyone you’re here,” I explained and brought the bag of Arthur’s normal clothes and hung them in my little wardrobe in my bedroom. He followed me up, still complaining.

“I doubt anyone would believe I was here anyways,” he said and sat on my bed and leaned against the worn pillow.

“You really can’t go without your big bed and your soft pillows?” I teased.

He settled his head hard against my pillow, as if adjusting it to his big head. “This will be fine.”

Oh, he thought he was going to stay in my bed? I thought of the cot down in the main chamber that I set up close to the fire with the best linens. I guess I’d sleep there then….

“How are the preparations coming along? Have you found someone to play our knight in the tournament?” Arthur asked, picking up a book on herbs that was next to my bed. I was thankful in that moment that I hid the magic book in the dungeon with the dragon.

“Yes, he’s a farmer from one of the outlying villages. Nobody will recognize him,” I said confidently.

“Great, does he look the part?” Arthur asked, putting the book back with disinterest.

“That will take some work, but I’m hopeful,” I said lightly.

Gaius called us down for lunch so Arthur didn’t have to ask how far off the farmer was. I had the farmer, William, arrive soon after lunch and Arthur immediately wasn’t happy.

“Great,” Arthur said sarcastically and dropped his hands in defeat.

But after a bath, a new outfit, and a bit of a trim, he looked the part of a knight quite well. Arthur taught him names and ways of the court while I worked. Luckily, William was a fast learner.

I handed him a forged seal of nobility (I was really getting quite good at this), and said “From now on, you're Sir William of Daira. Imagine you're really...arrogant. Knights like to think they're so much better than everyone else.”

William practiced his walk back and forth in the main chamber. I sat next to Arthur at the table, facing William. The farmer’s walk was less shuffling than before, but not quite right.

“It’s not arrogance. Ignore her, she’s an idiot. A knight must behave with honor and nobility,” Arthur shot me a glare.

William’s walk became a strut, with his chest held out.

“Unless you’re in the tavern and there’s a pretty bar maid,” I added.

William stopped and gave me a cocky smirk and a wink. I laughed.

Arthur leaned towards me, his arm pressed against mine as he invaded my space. “There’s no need for your snide comments, Merlin.” He moved back into his own space but his elbow still touched mine and I had difficulty focusing.

William walked again.

“That’s… better. You must convince everyone that you were born into a noble family,” Arthur said after turning back to William.

“Polish my armor, girl,” William said in a deep commanding voice.

“Now you’re getting the hang of it!” Arthur laughed. “He has a good point; you do need to polish our armor.”

I rolled my eyes and sighed. Arthur taught William how to hold a sword while I polished their armor by the fire. It was almost dark when William left and I prepared dinner for us. It was the same food as lunch, and Arthur surprisingly didn’t complain. The evening was quiet, mostly. Gaius and Arthur talked about what Uther was like when he was younger and I cleaned up. When it was getting late and I was just finishing my chores, Arthur announced that he was tired and was going to bed.

Gaius had already retired to his bed by the fire and was beginning to snore. I was just about to tell Arthur he could sleep in the bed I prepared for him when he climbed the stairs to my room. I sighed and looked at the bed by the fire. There was nothing wrong with the bed, but Gaius was snoring loudly and I had a long day ahead of me tomorrow. But, I settled into the bed and tried my best to sleep, but the night passed with me being awoken more than once by Gaius’ snoring.

The tournament began the next day, and William, who had stayed the night at the inn with some of the other knights, met us in his tent. William was to line up with the other participants to greet the king. So Arthur and I put him in his armor and Arthur gave him some last minute instructions.

“Now, remember the plan. I'm competing in the tournament, but no one will know that it's me. All you have to do is acknowledge the crowd at the end of the match. Act like you belong there and people will believe that you do,” he instructed the farmer.

I helped William mount his horse and watched as he rode up to meet the other knights. As King Uther gave his speech to open the tournament, William was clearly having issues controlling his horse.

“Well, he hasn’t fallen off the horse yet,” I said.

Arthur crowded behind me at the small opening of the tent and looked over my head. “I suppose that’s something,” he said and his sigh ruffled my hair.

Uther finished his grand speech about worthy champions and other pomp and circumstance and William returned to the tent. “They’re ready for you, Sire,” he said to Arthur.

Arthur finished putting on the armor identical to William’s and exited the tent with his helmet on. I helped him up onto his horse since it was difficult to see with the visor down. I stood on the sidelines and watched as Arthur lined up to start the first match. I clasped my hands in front of me nervously. Gwen came up next to me.

“Hello, Merlin. I thought you’d have gone with Arthur to find the beast,” she said curiously.

“He, uh, had me stay back to work with the tournament participants,” I said, not looking at her.

“Right,” she said, realizing I was not telling the whole truth.

We watched and I cheered as Arthur won this round of the tournament. He came back to me on his horse to get a new lance.

“Oh, I know what happened,” Gwen said in a teasing voice as she stroked the horse Totally Not Arthur was on while I pulled a new lance out of the bundle. “You two finally landed in his bed and now it’s awkward.”

A lot happened almost simultaneously as soon as she said that. I was startled and whacked Arthur in the back with his lance, Arthur choked, the horse went up on his back legs and almost slid Arthur right off, and I wished for the sweet release of death.

“No,” I wheezed in response.

Gwen looked confused at the commotion of what just happened. She glanced up at Arthur and he kept his head turned so she couldn’t see his eyes through the visor.

“The throne room, then?” she whispered to me with a giggle. And had Not Arthur truly been not Arthur, then he’d likely not have been listening to any of our conversation. But since Not Arthur was Indeed Arthur, and Gwen’s good natured teasing was about him, he was listening very carefully.

He let out a presumably involuntary “Ha!” and then coughed and adjusted his helmet.

We were done for.

“Arthur?” Gwen asked, her eyes wide and the color draining from her face.

I sighed and knocked my head against the lance in defeat.

“Guenevere,” Arthur greeted with a nod.

She quickly bowed her head in respect, but also realizing that he was not supposed to be there.

“I trust that you can keep this a secret, Guenevere. No one is to know that I am here,” Arthur said quietly to her.

“Of course. Your secret is safe with me. Sire, I am so sorry for what I was saying-” she started to apologize.

“No need, I understand you were simply teasing Merlin. Now, I must return to the tournament,” Arthur said as he was waved back in for his next match. He took his new lance from me and was off.

“Merlin, I am so so so sorry,” she said to me.

I looked at her in silence for a moment, considering the recent events. Then it hit me just how funny it was and I let out a laugh that I almost couldn’t stop. Gwen joined me and we leaned against each other laughing so hard tears rolled down our cheeks. A few people turned to look at us, smiles on their faces. Arthur turned back to look at us and shook his head, making us laugh harder.

Gwen eventually returned to her seat with Morgana and I went back to my duties with Arthur and William. I was mostly quiet, hoping Arthur wouldn’t want to discuss what he overheard. When the matches were done and Arthur had won all of his, he returned to the tent. He pulled off his helmet, his sweaty hair sticking up in all directions.

“You must go and acknowledge the crowd,” he said breathlessly to William.

“How do you do that?” William asked nervously.

“You wave, they cheer. It’s not difficult,” Arthur explained.

William took a deep breath and left the tent.

“I do all the work and someone else gets the praise,” Arthur complained.

“I know the feeling,” I muttered.

“When I win this tournament, I'll reveal my true identity, get the credit I deserve,” he said and I was reminded why he was such a prat.

“Of course you will,” I said unenthusiastically.

“Well don't just stand there. Help me off with my armor. And remember to polish it before tomorrow. The horse needs grooming. And don't forget to repair the broken lances,” he ordered of me and I definitely remembered why he was the biggest prat that ever lived.

Later that evening I had prepared dinner for me and Arthur and set aside a bowl for Gaius, who was tending to the wounds of tournament participants. I was clearing the table and Arthur stood stretching out his sore muscles. I thought of the celebrations happening in the castle.

“From what I hear, the ladies of the court are quite impressed with Sir William. They think he’s very handsome,” I said with a smile, thinking of the sweet and confused farmer.

“Typical. He wouldn't know a real knight if he whacked him round the head with his lance,” Arthur snorted.

“Why are you doing this?” I asked as I roughly put the dirty dishes in the soapy dish water.

“I fear that people respect me just because of my title,” Arthur replied, either ignoring or not noticing my irritated tone.

“I really don’t believe that’s true of everyone,” I said and began scrubbing the dishes.

“Would you tell me if it were?” He questioned me, looking at me now. Really looking at me, not just a glance.

I sighed. “It would depend on the situation, honestly, Arthur.”

“When I'm competing as William, my title doesn't matter, nobody gives me any special treatment. So when I win this tournament...if I win this tournament, it will be because I deserve it and not because I am Prince Arthur. I think I'll take a bath,” he finished with a demand.

It was my turn to snort. “That might be difficult seeing as I don’t have a bathtub.”

“Really? Er… perhaps you could prepare me a bowl of hot water?” He asked, rolling his shoulders to loosen the muscles.

“I think I can manage a bowl,” I mumbled. I was going to argue. I was going to complain. But being his maidservant, and knowing the moaning and groaning that I would endure if he lost due to sore muscles, I obliged.

I got his hot water prepared and soaked fabric from Gaius’ stores in it. I added some plant oils that Gaius kept for muscle aches to the water. Arthur removed his shirt to bathe and I directed him to sit on a stool. He looked at me questioningly but I waved off his question as if to say “Shut up and trust me.” He sat on the stool in front of me in only his trousers. I pulled the steaming strips of fabric out of the bowl and placed them over his shoulders and arms. He hissed in a breath at the first contact. We were silent as I worked. His posture went from trained to sit up straight to relaxed and hunched over with his head bowed. I let the fabric warm his skin and loosen his muscles before I removed the cooling fabric.

It was likely this magic I was having difficulty controlling. Maybe I had been spending too much time with him, not allowing myself to rest to keep control over it. As I removed the fabric strips and placed them back in the bowl, I felt the urge- the need, to touch his softened skin. Part of my mind reasoned with me that this was a terrible idea. But a larger part was a soft pile of mush at the first real skin to skin contact I had made with Arthur. Sure there had been accidental hand brushes when I gave him a weapon, or a roll of parchment, but nothing like this.

I smoothed my hands over his broad shoulders and I heard his breath hitch the slightest bit. He almost started to tense his muscles as if to resist but didn’t once I curved my hands around where his shoulder and neck met and gave a squeeze. He let out a throaty sound like a moan that somehow reverberated throughout my entire body. I continued to massage his hard muscled shoulders for some time, moving outwards as I felt each muscle was worked sufficiently. He was entirely relaxed, leaning back into me, as I ran my hands down his arms and back up. His arms and shoulders were developed from years of swinging a sword and training with the knights. His strength was something to be admired, and I knew he could likely pick me up and throw me if he chose. I kneaded the muscles and skin of his arms and he made the moaning sound again. The sound sent little, pleasant shivers down my spine and made my whole body feel warm at the same time.

The fire was dying and Arthur was almost asleep on the stool when Gaius opened the door to the main chamber. Arthur and I both almost jumped out of our skin at the sound of the door opening. I gasped and Arthur leaned forwards on the stool as if he were ready to grab a sword and fight the intruder until he realized it was Gaius. The physician barely gave us a glance since Arthur sitting bare chested on a stool wasn’t necessarily inappropriate, given the fact that today was a tournament day. He nodded to us in greeting and went to put some wood on the fire.

While Gaius was working, Arthur turned around on the stool to face me. He grabbed my hand from my side and looked up at me. “Thank you, Merlin,” he said sincerely and kissed my knuckles.

I hadn’t found my voice so I nodded and let him drop my hand. He pulled his loose tunic back over his head and bid us a good night before heading up to my room.

 

The next morning was as normal as it could be with Arthur staying with me. He seemed to have his full mobility as he mounted his horse for his matches in the tournament. When he won the first match he strode into the tent where William and I were waiting. The crowd was cheering loudly for “Sir William.”

“Congratulations! You’re in the final!” I said to him brightly.

“Go on then. Your people await you. No one can say Sir Leon let me win this time,” Arthur said to William, ignoring me.

William hurried out of the tent and the cheers got louder as he waved to the crowd.

“Sounds like the crowd has really taken to William,” I stated as I handed Arthur a goblet of water.

“That will change when I reveal my identity,” Arthur said in a matter of fact tone.

“You really miss getting all of the attention, don’t you?” I asked with a shake of my head.

“Just go and water the horse,” he demanded instead of responding.

I smirked at his snapped response, knowing that it meant I was correct. I left the tent and brought the horse to the water trough. The horse drank happily and I stroked his side.

“He’s a fine horse. I see your master has advanced to the final. He’s extremely skilled with a lance,” an unfamiliar man said to me when he approached. I didn’t know everyone in Camelot, especially during a tournament, but this man approached me as if it were commonplace.

“He’s doing well. Just one more match to go,” I said, friendly enough.

“Tell me, what is he like to work for?” the dark man asked.

“Between you and me? He can be a bit of a prat,” I laughed, knowing the bulk of the joke would be lost on this man.

“So are you no longer working for Prince Arthur?” he asked as though he were finally getting to the point he had intended.

“No. Yes. I mean yes. Only not right now because he’s away,” I said quickly. “I’m just… helping out.”

“Well, I wish your master luck in the final,” the man said with a hint of suspicion.

That afternoon, when we returned to Gaius’ chambers, the physician was asleep in his chair by the fire. The old man was snoring away in his chair when Arthur and I walked in.

Arthur removed the hooded cloak and looked at Gaius and then the two beds in the room. “Does he snore every night like that?”

“Yes,” I said with a tired sigh and started to sweep the ash in front of the fireplace.

“Is this where you’ve been sleeping?” he asked me, pointing at the cot by the fire.

“Yes,” I said again.

“Where’s your bed?” he asked, looking around.

“You’ve been sleeping in it,” I said matter of factly.

“I’ve been sleeping in your bed?” he repeated in a tone I couldn’t decipher.

“Yeah, not how I thought getting you into my bed would turn out,” I said despite my frustration. After I said it I cringed and blushed. This magic was popping up at the weirdest times.

“Why didn’t you say something?” he asked, taking a step towards me. As usual, he thankfully ignored my inappropriate comment.

“How could I? You're Prince Arthur. Besides, you didn't give me the chance. You just assumed the bed was yours,” I explained and put the broom down.

“Well, how am I supposed to know if you don’t tell me?” Arthur argued.

Gaius’ snoring had stopped so I assumed he was waking up to our argument.

“You shouldn't need to be told to think of someone other than yourself, you're not a child!” I shouted at him.

“Is there anything else you'd like to say to me? Please, I'd like to hear it. If there's something you want to say to me, don't let me stop you,” he challenged.

Gaius chose this moment to make his wordless exit from the chambers. He probably didn’t want to be a witness to whatever murder was about to occur.

“You don’t have any idea, do you?” I shook my head.

“About what, Merlin?” Arthur asked, sounding annoyed.

“About how much of a spoiled prat you can be! I know you are used to a nicer, bigger home, but this is where Gaius and I live. And you’ve been so rude! You have been talking about how you want to be treated just like everyone else, but yet you boss me around like I’m still your servant! Saying it means nothing if you don’t act like it! I mean, would it kill you to say please and thank you once in awhile?!” I said in a loud, angry rush.

“Is there anything else you’d like to add?” he asked, his arms folded over his broad chest and his blue eyes narrowed at me.

I paused and reviewed what I had said in the heat of my anger. While everything I said was correctly how I felt, I also felt guilty at telling him my frustrations in that manner. It wasn’t fair to scream it at him. And now he was mad at me, likely to fire me. Angry tears pricked my eyes and I looked away. “No, I think that’s it,” I whispered.

There was another pause as Arthur thought. “You're right. You have invited me into your home and I have behaved appallingly,” he said calmer than I expected.

“I didn’t mean to make you feel bad,” I said quietly.

“Oh, really?” he asked teasingly, moving towards me.

“Well, perhaps a little,” I looked up at him through my eyelashes, wet with unshed tears.

He smiled. “I'll make it up to you. Tonight, I will make dinner for you and Gaius.”

“Gaius has dinner with friends tonight,” I told him.

“Then it’ll just be us,” Arthur said, looking down at me. “How modern of us.”

I giggled.

“Now go for a walk, or whatever it is that girls do at this time of evening,” he said stepping away from me and pointing to the door.

“A walk sounds wonderful,” I said as I grabbed my light cloak from the door.

“And your dinner will be ready when you return,” he said confidently.

I smiled and left the chambers. I was still smiling when I ran into Gwen in the courtyard.

“Merlin!” she waved me over.

“Gwen! You will not believe it! Arthur is currently cooking me dinner as an apology for behaving like a complete prat,” I told her excitedly.

“Is it for Gaius, too? Or is tonight the night he’s with his friends?” Gwen asked.

“Just me,” I said.

“Like a date?” she asked, her eyes wide.

“No!” I answered her quickly.

“Well aren’t you worried he’s going to burn the place down?” she laughed.

“On second thought, maybe it would be alright if I supervised,” I said.

“I will see you in the morning and you better tell me everything!” she insisted as I hurried off.

I burst back into the chambers to see Arthur looking confusedly at a raw chicken. “That wasn’t long enough for me to cook!” he said, irritated.

“I changed my mind. I’m going to help you cook so you don’t burn this place down,” I said, removing my cloak.

He gave a sigh of relief. “Good because I don’t actually know the first thing about cooking.”

“I figured. That’s why I came back,” I said. “So what did you do so far?”

“Stole ingredients from the castle kitchens,” he said.

I laughed. “What’s on the menu?”

“Chicken with carrots, and bread,” he said looking at the ingredients he had on the table.

“Sounds lovely. Let’s start with the chicken since it will probably take the longest,” I said and looked at the ingredients on the table while putting on an apron.

I walked Arthur through cleaning the chicken since I didn’t want to do it. He was quick to learn after I told him that cooking is something he could do to impress the knights when they’re on hunting trips. We seasoned the chicken and put it in a pot over the fire to cook. Arthur and I talked while we washed, peeled, and chopped the carrots. He told me about the knights and some of their histories and family stories. I told him about some of the people from Ealdor that I’d known my whole life. Arthur used a towel to hold the lid open while I added the carrots to the pot with the chicken. I almost didn’t realize, since I was concentrating on not getting burned, that the front of him was pressed against the back of me while we added the carrots. My magic had noticed, though, and my apron strings came untied and almost fell into the fire I was leaning over.

“Oh, your apron strings,” Arthur said looking down as he put the lid back on the pot. I had a bowl and a spoon in my hands so he tied the strings for me.

“Thanks,” I said, my voice hoarse. He was slow to tie the strings around my waist, tightening them to be snug around my body at an unhurried pace as if he didn’t want to be tying them. When they were tied he rested his hands on my hips. I was startled by this contact and dropped the bowl I’d been holding. Arthur took his hands from my hips and started gathering the ingredients for the bread.

“So you and Gwen have become close,” he said, breaking our silence.

“She’s wonderful. I don’t know what I’d do in Camelot without her,” I said, thankful for the change in pace.

“What about Lancelot?” he asked, his tone blank as he measured out the right amount of flour.

“What about him?” I asked, stirring some milk into the flour he was measuring into a bowl.

“There are rumors,” he said.

“Oh yeah? Like what?” I asked him, feeling nervous.

“That you two were involved,” Arthur said. “But also that he was involved with Gwen.”

“Both are correct,” I laughed.

“Merlin,” he scolded, shaking his head.

“What? It was just a bit of fun,” I laughed again.

“A bit of fun?” Arthur questioned angrily.

“Why are you so upset? It doesn’t have anything to do with my position as your servant,” I reminded him.

“It doesn’t?” he stopped working and turned to me. “It’s your reputation and it’s not proper for me to have a servant with a bad reputation.”

“What? Lancelot kissed me, it’s not like I’m with child,” I said and shook my head.

            “He kissed you?” Arthur asked, glaring down at me.

            “Yeah. Arthur, I don’t understand,” I said with a sharp exhale.

            “Because- _Mer_ lin, it’s because. It’s because you- it’s because I-” he stumbled over his words but looked frustrated. He turned away from me and walked to the fire, his floured hands on his hips. I was confused but I leaned back against the table, watching him. Was he upset because of my involvement in the lies about Lancelot’s nobility? Was is because Lancelot was also romantic with Gwen and that was scandalous?

            He turned around suddenly, his eyes immediately fixed on mine. He took the four steps back towards me quickly, almost running. I didn’t have enough time to react, but my immediate thought was that he was about to attack me. But instead, his hands went to where my face met my neck at my jaw and his lips met mine. He kissed me so hard that we pushed the table back, the legs scraping the floor.

            Arthur Pendragon was kissing me. I gasped a little at this realization and at the table moving backwards. Arthur took that opportunity to slip his tongue into my mouth. Had someone told me yesterday that I would be kissing Arthur, I’d have said I’d never have wanted it. But here I was, weak in the knees and panting for more. I hadn’t kissed him back yet so he pulled away looking self conscious and embarrassed.

            My magic decided now was a good time to wake up and it reached out those vines that had been creeping up on Arthur the last few weeks. My magic wrapped around us and the air between us almost shimmered like heat above the forge. Something felt so undeniably right being this close to Arthur. I felt warm all over, heat emanating from my hips. I needed _more_.

            I reached up to his shirt collar and pulled him down to me, crashing his lips against mine. He exhaled in relief against me and gripped me tight around the waist. He licked my lips with the tip of his tongue, telling me to open up, to which I obliged. It was overwhelming but yet I needed more. A small whimper like noise came from me and he kissed me deeper. His tongue slid against mine, teasing and drawing me in. My hands moved to the back of his head and neck, gripping his soft hair in my fingers, my nails scratching lightly on his scalp. He let out a quiet guttural noise, like a growl, and lifted me easily onto the table, sending a mixing spoon skidding to the floor. I let my legs fall open to accommodate Arthur to continue kissing me. A strong, undeniable, need for _moremoremoremoremore_ took over and I kissed him desperately and gripped him tight with my legs. I couldn’t get close enough to him. It was impossible.

            He kissed over my jaw and down my neck while I panted to catch my breath. He was kissing the swell of my breasts above my dress neckline when there was a sharp knock on the door. It wasn’t Gaius because he would just walk in. The magic’s hold on us snapped and I pulled away from Arthur.

            “Who is it?” I called out a little harsher than necessary.

            “The King requests your presence in the guards’ corridor, Merlin,” came Sir Leon’s voice through the door.

            “Now?” I called back.

            “Immediately,” he replied before I could hear him leaving.

            I looked at Arthur, who had stopped kissing me. He stepped back from me and ran his hands through his hair. His lips were red and his eyes dilated. His shirt was wrinkled where I had gripped it. I was in no better of a state. I was sitting on the table, my dress hitched up to my knees. I slid off of the table and smoothed my hands over my dress skirts.

            Arthur looked at me apologetically. “Merlin.”

            “Finish the bread, I’ll be back soon,” I said and left the chambers.

            I rushed to the guard’s corridor trying to calm my body down and smooth my dress skirts. When I got there, Leon, Gaius, and Uther were already there. There was a guard’s body on the ground and Gaius was examining him.

            Gaius determined the cause of death to be a broken neck. “There’s scarcely a mark on him. The person who killed him knew exactly what they were doing.”

            “Earlier this evening, an intruder was spotted in the lower town,” Leon said from next to me.

            “Then I fear it's true, Odin has sent an assassin to kill Arthur,” Uther said solemnly.

            “An assassin?” I asked, shocked.

            “Have you any word from Arthur since he left for the northern borders?” Uther asked me.

            “No. None,” I lied easily.

            “With this assassin in Camelot, we must be thankful Arthur isn't here. Search the entire town. I want the assassin found before Arthur returns,” he ordered Sir Leon. The knight nodded and hurried off to organize the search.

            I bowed to the king and hurried back to Gaius’ chambers where Arthur was waiting. I burst into the room and turned to shut the door quickly. I moved a small table to cover the door.

            “What happened?” Arthur questioned me, rushing over.

            “There’s an assassin in Camelot. He’s here to kill you,” I told him, tears pricking at my eyes.

            “What?!” Arthur was shocked.

            “The assassin killed a guard. Your father said Odin sent him,” I explained. “Why would Odin want you dead, Arthur?”

            “Because I killed his son. Odin's son challenged me to a fight. I had no quarrel with him. I asked him to withdraw. Perhaps he felt he had to prove himself. I can still see his face. He looked so scared,” Arthur said solemnly. He looked away from me, ashamed.

            “You can’t blame yourself,” I said and stepped towards him. I wanted to comfort him but didn’t know where our boundaries were after this evening. “Besides, nobody but us and Gaius and Gwen know where you are. If he can’t find you, he can’t kill you.”

            “May I continue to stay here?” Arthur asked me.

            “Of course, as long as you need,” I replied.

            “Thank you. I’ll sleep on the cot tonight,” he said.

            “No, have my bed. You will need your rest for the tournament tomorrow,” I shook my head.

            “Share with me,” Arthur said quietly.

            “Like I said; you will need your rest for the tournament tomorrow,” I replied flirtatiously.

            He shook his head chuckling at me. The he remembered “Oh! Dinner is finished!”

            We ate the dinner we prepared, cleaned up together, and then both retired to our separate beds. Gaius came home while we cleaned up and I had to unbarricade the door for him. I didn’t sleep well, waking up to every sound, thinking it was the assassin. I checked on Arthur multiple times throughout the night to make sure he was alright.

            The last time I checked on him was just before dawn. I opened the door to my room and peeked in to see Arthur sitting awake on the bed. “Good morning, Merlin,” he whispered, being mindful of the sleeping Gaius down the stairs.

            “Good morning,” I said and shut the door behind me.

            He moved over on the bed so I could sit with him easier. I sat on the edge of the bed next to him and looked out the window. The view was of the sunrise over the courtyard. The sky was orangey yellow as the world woke up.

            We sat in silence for some time, watching the sun come up and a few servants start to scurry about. “Are you ready for the tournament? Today’s the last day,” I said finally when the sun was all the way risen.

            “Of course I’m ready,” he said quietly confident.

            I smiled. “You’re going to win.”

            “Most likely, yes,” he said and looked over at me. He was quiet, pensive for a moment. “I’m sorry for being so forward last night. I’m not sure what came over me.”

            “It’s alright,” I said and looked down at my hands on my lap. I was surprised to hear that he was affected by my magic, too. My magic, which was swirling deliciously around us now, urged me to kiss him again.

            “It was… amazing,” he said, his voice deep.

            I closed my eyes and took a deep, steadying breath. “It was.”

            Gaius called us from downstairs. He was preparing breakfast. We reluctantly went down for breakfast before heading out for the tournament.

            We met up with William in our tent. He greeted the crowd for the start of the day’s matches and came back to give his helmet to Arthur.

            “They’re ready for you, sire,” he said as he handed Arthur the helmet.

            Arthur was set to fight Sir Alynor in the final and I joined Gwen in the stands to watch. When Arthur was knocked from his horse and lost one of the matches, I realized something was wrong. Arthur was slumped over on the ground and I caught a glimpse of blood. I gasped and ran from the stands before anyone else was able to get to him. I rushed him into the tent, supporting him as we went.

            “His lance pierced my armor,” Arthur said breathlessly.

            William handed me a towel and I dabbed at the blood coming out of his chainmail. “You’re losing too much blood, Arthur.”

            “I have to be back on the course in five minutes or I forfeit the match. Do what you can,” Arthur said, his voice gravelly from pain.

            “You can't possibly joust, you're too badly injured!” I insisted.

            “I have never withdrawn from a match. I do not intend to start now,” Arthur said, wincing as I tried to clean the wound through his armor.

            “You stupid prat! You would risk your life to protect your pride? You have nothing to prove…. Least of all to me.” I said desperately.

            He gave me a little smile at my words. “I have everything to prove to myself.”

            I helped him back onto his horse and passed him his lance. He rode off slowly back towards the course. Gwen ran up to me. “Where’s Arthur?” she asked breathless and desperate.

            “He’s about to joust, why?” I asked.

            “He’s jousting against the assassin!” she said, fear in her voice and on her face. “His lance has a dagger on the end of it!”

            We both rushed to the sidelines of the course. Arthur and the assassin were ready to begin and were given the signal. My heart pounded in my chest as I watched Arthur, slumped over in his saddle, ride towards the assassin. There was no way he was going to live through this alone. I used magic to break the saddle on the assassin’s horse so that he slipped, giving Arthur the advantage. He knocked the assassin clear off the horse, sending him tumbling to the ground. Everyone cheered for Arthur who was riding towards his tent, looking like he was about to slide off the horse sideways.

            I rushed to his side to help him down. I grabbed him about his middle and put his arm around me. He was groaning in pain and stumbling as we went into the tent. I helped Arthur to sit in a chair and Gwen came rushing in to help. She gave Arthur a rag to press against his armor to catch some of the blood.

            “What happened?” Arthur asked.

            “You were jousting against the assassin. He killed Sir Alynor and took his place in the tournament,” I explained. Arthur nodded his understanding. “They’re waiting for their champion. It’s time to reveal yourself.”

            The crowd was loudly cheering for Sir William and waiting for him to come out. Arthur looked at William. “You must go and collect your trophy,” he said.

            The three of us were shocked. “Uh, I thought this was going to be your moment of glory,” I said.

            He looked at me for a moment and gave a small smile. “Perhaps this is a time for humility.”

            He was doing this to prove a point to me. To prove that his pride wasn’t everything to him. To prove that he could be just Arthur sometimes. I smiled brightly at him.

            Arthur nodded at William to go collect his trophy. William bowed to Arthur and left the tent to an eruption of applause. Arthur donned his hooded cloak and we went outside to watch William ride around while people cheered for him. Gwen and Arthur and I laughed at his goofy grin as he raised his arms for the crowd. I looked up at Arthur to make sure this wasn’t like rubbing salt in his wounds to see someone else getting his glory. Arthur noticed me looking at him and bent down and kissed my forehead.

            We concocted a cover story for Arthur’s injury and had him conveniently return to Camelot just after the tournament. I stood on the sidelines with Gaius and Gwen.

“We encountered the assassin as we were heading back into Camelot. I was injured whilst killing him,” Arthur explained.

            “Odin must be made to pay for his actions. We must strike back at him,” Uther demanded.

            “Surely you understand the grief he feels for the loss of his son? We should try to make peace with him. There's been enough bloodshed,” Arthur reasoned with the king. I was proud of his level headedness.

            “Perhaps you're right. How was the rest of your trip? Fruitful?” Uther asked.

            Arthur looked at me, a secret smile on his face. “Very. I learned a great deal. How was the tournament?”

            “Excellent, we have a new champion. Sir William of Daira,” Uther explained with a wave of his gloved hand.

            Arthur chuckled. “I’m sorry I missed all of the excitement.”

            The court was dismissed not long after that and I went to follow Gaius back to his chambers. “Merlin!” Arthur called me to him outside of the throne room. He ushered me away from the earshot the others.

            “Yes?” I asked him.

            “About what happened when I was staying with you,” he said and then hesitated. “I’m afraid my father would never understand.”

            My stomach lurched and I felt like kicking Arthur. I swallowed and looked down. “You don’t have to explain. Um,” I swallowed down the lump in my throat again. “Maybe things will be different when you’re king.”

            Arthur opened his mouth to say something but Uther called his name. Arthur looked at me apologetically and then turned to leave. I stood watching him walk away, and he turned back to look at me. His expression was apologetic and longing. I couldn’t take it so I turned and ran.

            I ran deep into the woods where I knew there was nobody around. I stopped and took a few deep breaths and wiped the tears from my face. My magic had been bubbling under the surface since Arthur had walked away from me and now I needed to let it out. My body tensed up and I took another deep breath before letting out the anger and magic energy I had been holding in. It came out like a scream and it exploded around me. Trees fell around me and the ground was scorched and smoldering. I took a shuddering breath that caught in my throat and came back out as a pathetic sob.

            This was stupid. I shouldn’t be crying over some stupid prat who was terrified of his own father. Stupid, helpless, prat. Can’t even dress himself in the morning without help. Can’t even win a jousting tournament without getting hurt.

            I didn’t cry like this over Lancelot, why should I cry over Arthur? I gathered myself, stopped crying and assessed the damage around me. It looked like a large lightning strike had occurred. I put out the rest of the smoldering embers and left the forest. I had work to do. I had a prince to torture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have some ideas of how Merlin can torture Arthur. Do you? I'd love to make a chapter all about the ways Merlin gets Arthur all hot and bothered and then leaves him high and dry. Apparently i'm feeling vindictive?


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I'm alive! Sorry for the delay (again)! The whole torturing Arthur thing is going to last probably 2 chapters. I have a plan for this now. It took me some time to think about what I wanted for this part of the story and how it can move the central plot along. So, I'm a mad woman with a plan, at least. If any of you have suggestions on ways to torture Arthur, let me know! ;p
> 
> Also, if anyone wants to make a cover for this story, let me know! I've been considering making one, but my skills are sorely lacking.
> 
> xoxo

Telling Gwen and Morgana about the kiss between Arthur and I happened over an abundance of wine in Morgana’s chambers. I had burst into the room almost immediately after returning to the castle with a slightly singed hemline. They were startled by my aggressive entrance but were a little more excited than I expected when I announced: “I need your help torturing Arthur Pendragon.”

“You know I’m entirely on board with every definition of the word torture… but may I ask for more details?” Morgana said with a laugh.

“We um… we kissed,” I said with an exhale.

Gwen and Morgana exchanged glances. “Finally!” Gwen exclaimed. Morgana beamed.

“Er, yeah, I guess. But then he said we couldn’t continue because his _father_ would never understand. Which is rather embarrassing because what would Uther have to do with any of our relationship? _He’s_ not in the bedroom with us,” I ranted and sat at Morgana’s table. Gwen and Morgana immediately poured three goblets of wine and handed one to me.

“Merlin!” Morgana laughed scandalously. “That’s almost treason!”

“Yeah, well, Arthur is a tease. Which is worse?” I took a long draw of wine.

“The executioner’s axe probably knows,” Gwen said and sat next to me.

“Yes, but the belladonna and hemlock in a woman’s kitchen know better,” Morgana said with a grin.  “On the topic of poison, Merlin, how are we torturing Arthur?”

“I want him to… regret his words. Not that we kissed, but that he isn’t kissing me now,” I said, the wine making my blood warm.

“The best kind of torture,” Morgana smiled.

“Well, I wouldn’t know how to do this,” Gwen blushed innocently.

“Of course you do, Gwen. You and I have both noticed the way Arthur looks at Merlin, we just have to make him do it more,” Morgana said, sipping her wine.

“What do you mean by that?” I asked.

“How comfortable are you with nudity?” Morgana asked and leaned forward on the table.

“Not that comfortable,” I said and shook my head.

“That’s alright. We’ll get there in time,” she said flirtatiously.

Gwen and I drank heavily from our wine goblets while Morgana hammered out a plan. She was suspiciously quick and effective. I wondered if she had practiced this on many noble men that have come into the castle.

“First things first; who is serving dinner tonight?” Morgana asked.

“I am,” Gwen said.

“Would anyone be any wiser if Merlin does it?” the Lady asked.

Gwen and I looked at each other and shrugged. “We’re not supposed to be noticed,” I replied.

“Oh, but you will tonight!” Morgana said with a mischievous look.

It turned out that Morgana either was an experienced sorceress in disguise or she had definitely done this before. I had been doused in rosewater, my hair let down in waves, and Gwen’s purple flowered corset tied around me. Not enough to cause suspicion as to what I was trying to do, but enough that Arthur was sure to notice.

“See you at dinner,” Morgana called as she left the chambers to head down to the dining hall.

“Good luck,” Gwen said with a kind smile.

I winked at Gwen. “You know I don’t need it.”

“You sound just like Arthur!” Gwen laughed and pushed me out of the door. I caught a second sight of myself in Morgana’s mirror and felt more confident. I needed to buy a corset, that was clear to me. It brought the ivory fabric of my dress together at my waist and made it seem like I had larger breasts than I did. Or had they been that large this whole time? I wasn’t sure but they looked fantastic now. I stood up straighter and they were even more pronounced.

The kitchen staff didn’t even notice that it was supposed to be Gwen’s night. They just handed me a platter of pheasant and sent me on my way into the dining hall. I took a deep breath as another servant opened the door for me. Morgana looked up at me with a barely concealed grin when I entered.

Walking towards the king and Arthur, I realized just how much wine I had drank. What was I thinking?! Serving the royal family, practically drunk out of my mind and wearing a corset that made me look practically indecent with a bit more cleavage than usual considered proper. Why did I let them talk me into this?! I concentrated on Not Dropping the Pheasant with careful measured steps. _So stupid. So stupid. So stupid._

Arthur looked up at the pheasant on the platter and then his eyes followed my hands up my arms, to my chest (stayed there for some time), and then to my face. A servant was to set the meal down, serve the family, and then step away, waiting until someone needed something. The second servant came in with a bowl of potatoes and a sauce for the meat before leaving me alone with them. I pretended to be assessing Uther’s wine goblet but I was actually carefully monitoring Arthur.

His eyes were fixed on me and I couldn’t help the blush that stained my cheeks. Uther called his name a few times impatiently, as they had been discussing another hunting trip to be held in a few days.

“Arthur, is there something wrong?” Uther asked impatiently as I served the meat to the king. Uther looked from Arthur to my chest. “Arthur,” he finished with a warning tone.

This was terrible. This was the worst idea anyone in the history of Camelot has ever had. I held my breath for fear that Uther would smell the wine I had drank and sack me immediately.

“No, nothing is wrong,” Arthur replied and looked down at his plate.

I finished serving the king and moved to Arthur. Uther turned to talk to Morgana about new fabric being sent in for her from some far away kingdom. I couldn’t hear him because all I could hear was the rush of wine soaked magic in my veins as I neared Arthur. I should have known I’d have more difficulty controlling my magic when I was drunk. Terrible idea.

“Where’s Guenevere?” Arthur whispered to me.

“Why?” I asked quietly.

“It’s her night to serve dinner,” he replied.

“She’s not feeling well,” I replied. I reached across Arthur to serve him his dinner. It wasn’t the correct way to do it, but I was being driven by my stupid, drunk magic. Morgana kept Uther’s attention, seemingly knowing that Uther would not like what he saw from me at this moment. Arthur sat back in his chair with a quiet, shuddering sigh.

“Are you alright, sire?” I asked in a whisper, turning towards him and leaning down to look at him, giving him an even better, fuller view of the tops of my breasts. I gave him an innocent, concerned look.

            “I’m fine,” he said looking up at my face now.

            I smiled and finished serving Arthur, who began drinking very heavily from his wine goblet.

            After dinner, and several goblets of wine to Arthur, I rushed through my clean up in the kitchens and practically ran to Arthur’s chambers. I was mostly sober now, but I felt empowered over the strange control I suddenly had over Arthur. This was all so new to me, and I suspected him, too. Arthur had been with many women since I’d known him, less lately, but I knew when he was occupied when he gave me a night off. But I didn’t believe he’d ever been under a blanket of magical lust before like this. Of course there had been Sophia, but it was different. It felt like something bigger was controlling this. When I asked the dragon, he only continued his booming laugh and said something about a different interpretation of destiny than he’d expected. It caused me to think back on all the statements about destiny that he had said about me and Arthur. He’d told me that together, Arthur and I, would create the Camelot that would unite magic with non-magic people. I had many theories, but some of them terrified me to think about.

I stopped to steady myself before I opened Arthur’s chamber doors. I smoothed my hands over my dress and my hair and pinched my cheeks for color. Arthur was inside his chambers inspecting a treaty at his desk. He didn’t look up when I entered. I didn’t say anything, seeing as he was concentrating.

Without speaking, I worked on tidying his chambers and getting his bed ready for sleeping. The sound of a small fire and the wind through the open window lulled me into a calm state. The last of the wine from earlier settling into a calm, sleepy feeling. I worked slowly and relaxed, not in any hurry to leave. After turning down his bed I turned around and looked up at him. He’d been so quiet I wanted to be sure he’d not fallen asleep at his desk. But he hadn’t- he was watching me. His head was back against his chair and he was very clearly watching me. He didn’t look lustful or angry, he looked calm and like he was simply watching me because I was moving about.

“Yes?” I asked him.

He startled, like he realized he was caught looking. “Merlin do you read?” he asked looking back at his treaty.

“Some,” I admitted with a blush. It was uncommon for people of my class to be able to read more than simple letters, if anything. I had taught myself some higher reading skills through reading books, but not likely as much as a teacher would have taught Arthur.

“Well, I’ll read it to you then,” he said and then launched into reading the treaty.

It was lengthy, using terminology and phrases I’d not heard much outside of listening to Arthur and Uther talk. It was about strengthening a relationship with a neighboring kingdom in order to utilize some of their prosperous growing region. While Arthur read, the light from outside grew darker and an early autumn chill swept into the room.

When he finished reading, half of the parchment was rolled on the ground and he looked up at me again. I was now sitting on the edge of his bed, facing him. “So?” he asked me, eyebrows raised.

I considered his question for a few moments. “Well what exactly would you be trading with this kingdom?”

“An alliance with Camelot,” Arthur said like I was missing the whole point.

“Are you currently at war with this kingdom?” I asked, pulling my hair out of its braid as it had grown heavy and was hurting my scalp.

“No, Merlin,” Arthur said, not understanding.

“Then are they really _gaining_ your support? Because it seems to me as though they’re not truly getting anything from this deal,” I said and went to stoke the fire. Arthur followed me.

“You’re right, I guess,” he said considering me.

I hummed in response as I worked, tending the fire.

“You have a suggestion,” Arthur stated.

“Do I?” I questioned him. I did indeed have many ideas but suggesting I knew more about politics to Prince Arthur was not on my agenda.

“You look like you do. Come on, out with it,” Arthur said, lightly and happily enough. He sat cross legged on the floor before the fire. I was thankful I had swept the rug that morning.

“Well, it’s just… if there’s a shortage of food for the winter, why not give the farmers of your own kingdom more of an incentive to produce for next year?” I said and sat next to him on the rug. Gwen’s corset dug into my skin as I was sitting, I was surely to have marks in the morning.

“Explain,” he said, intrigued.

“What if you offered… a tax break… or perhaps a gift of seeds to farmers who have proven that they are able to produce a good product?” I suggested.

“That… that’s brilliant, Merlin! Not sure if my father would agree, but I love it!” He exclaimed happily. He jumped up to grab a new roll of parchment and his quill. When he returned he reclaimed his space next to me in the bright light of the fire but he swung his body to lay on the rug and used my lap as a pillow and his bent knees as a desk. The contact wasn’t romantic; it was friendly but intimate.

I smiled as he wrote quickly, taking a moment every so often to dip his quill in more ink. The song of crickets had begun outside and I was once again lulled in to a relaxed state. The fire was warm and Arthur’s hair was soft under my hand as I mindlessly ran my fingers through it. I used my short nails to lightly scratch his scalp in a massage like my mother used to to when I had nightmares. His hair looked like gold in the firelight and I was reminded of the fires of Beltane from earlier this year. I blushed remembering the way we had danced.

Stuck in memory, I hadn’t noticed that Arthur had stopped writing. “Isn’t that corset painful to sit in? Morgana used to constantly complain about hers,” Arthur said, looking up at me.

“Um, yeah it is, actually,” I said and straightened my back to relieve some of the pressure.

Arthur sat up and opened his legs, gesturing for me to sit between them. “Here, I’ll untie it for you,” he offered, likely not realizing how inappropriate it was.

I couldn’t help but oblige. I couldn’t stop myself. I was being selfish.

Arthur began untying the corset and I blushed from head to toe

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you wear a corset before,” he said thoughtfully.

“I haven’t,” I said honestly. “This is Gwen’s.”

The loosening of the ties was almost erotic in how good it felt. I shivered when I realized that Arthur was currently undressing me.

“It looked good on you,” he said quietly.

I looked back at him through my eyelashes and smiled. “Thank you.”

A wicked look came over his face as he handed me the corset. “And your breasts! Have you had them this whole time?!”

I gasped, shocked, and smacked his shoulder. He was laughing, at me now. A big, hearty, belly laugh, and sputtering something about how my face looked when he said that. I knew he was just being playful, teasing Arthur, so I wasn’t actually upset. But I turned to him and pushed him square in the chest. He toppled backwards, still laughing. I was laughing now, too. He gathered enough strength to grab me about the waist and pull me to the ground, my back pressed into the rug with Arthur looming over top of me.

He smirked down at me. “Oh, you think you can knock a trained knight to the ground without him fighting back?” he exclaimed and began to tickle my sides.

I knew that this much physical contact was miles past appropriate. Miles past what servant and master should have. Even miles past a man and woman of the same class who were unwed. But I also knew that since the kiss we had shared, I had craved contact with Arthur. It felt more than a lustful passion, it felt like destiny calling me. That thought scared me and excited me at the same time. It scared me because this was Arthur Pendragon, Crowned Prince of Camelot and I was his servant, and an illegal sorceress. And it excited me because it showed me that despite Arthur’s rightful hesitation over not getting Uther’s approval, I would win in the end.

I laughed and wiggled and squealed as he tickled me. I couldn’t have been happier unless he was kissing me again.

“Tell me I’m the strongest, most handsome, and talented knight in the land and I’ll stop! Merlin! I can’t stop unless you say it!” he laughed and demanded.

“No! Never!” I gasped and wheezed and laughed.

“Oh, Arthur, you’re the strongest, most handsome, and talented knight in the land!” He said in a high pitched voice, a terrible mimicry of my voice.

“No! I- can’t- tell- lies!” I said between bouts of laughter and trying to grab at his hands.

“Careful, Merlin! The requirements are getting stricter! In order for me to stop you have to say that I’m a gift to Camelot, the best and most well endowed knight in the history of existence! Say it, Merlin!” Arthur laughed, looming over me, his hair catching the light and looking like gold again. His eyes were alight with play, like I’d never seen of him.

I may have used a little bit of magic to finally capture his hands and pull them to the floor next to my waist. I sat up some so that our faces were inches apart. He looked shocked that I had gained the advantage.

“You, Arthur, are a gift to Camelot, the strongest, most handsome, talented, and well endowed knight in history!” I exclaimed with over dramatized enthusiasm.

He smirked at me now, glancing down at my lips. “There, that wasn’t so hard, was it?”

I giggled and didn’t move, hoping he would kiss me.

He looked at my lips again and sighed before standing up. Dejected, I stood up, too.

“It’s late, I should go to bed,” Arthur said and looked at his bed.

“Right, of course,” I said quietly and went to leave.

He grabbed my hand as I passed him. “Hey, wait.” He pulled me into a hug and I buried my nose into his neck and held on to him. “Thank you for your help with that proposal.”

“You’re welcome,” I said, my eyes closed. I never wanted to leave his embrace. Ever.

It seemed like he didn’t either because it took a few moments for him to release me. I looked up at him through my lashes and bit my lip. He looked at me sadly before turning away.

“Goodnight,” he said to me as he walked to his changing screen.

“Goodnight,” I replied before leaving his chambers.

That night I curled up in my bed, full of longing, and dreaming of my golden and laughing Arthur.

The next morning, Arthur was awake when I brought him breakfast. He was sitting at his table, in his breeches and bare chested, writing on his parchment. He barely glanced up at me when I walked in with his tray.

“Good morning,” I said and set the tray down on the end of the table that didn’t have bits of parchment strewn about.

“Good morning,” he replied. “Merlin, would you say that it’s fair to trade wool from our sheep to neighboring kingdoms for some grain for the winter?”

“How much is raw wool worth compared to grain?” I countered.

“I’m not sure. I see what you’re going to say but you know my father enough to know that he’s going to want us to prosper the most out of this deal. I’m not even sure if he’s going to like what was changed since yesterday,” Arthur said, putting down his quill and grabbing a piece of bread from his tray.

“He has to approve of it first?” I asked and opened his wardrobe.

“Absolutely,” Arthur said around a mouthful of bread.

“Do you think he’s going to see a fair trade as a bad deal?” I asked, not letting the scorn show through my voice. I picked out a red tunic and black riding trousers for today, as he was to go train on horseback today.

“Most likely. My father… takes what he wants and everyone else will just have to like it,” Arthur said with a sigh.

“I trust that’s not how you will rule Camelot, then?” I said with a smile as I walked back to the table and poured him some water.

“Not if I can help it,” he said as I set his water goblet on the table. He took a deep breath through his nose. “Merlin, you smell nice today.”

“Oh? Because I smelled terrible yesterday?” I joked even though I was blushing. I had, indeed, used flowers in my water when I washed up last night. Some fragrant lavender, rose, and a little bit of mint were mixed into my water when I washed my hair and body.

“No,” he chuckled. “You just smell… nicer today.”

“Thank you, sire,” I said shyly. Morgana was right, again! She knew that Arthur would like a perfumed scent.

We were quiet as Arthur ate and reviewed his proposal and I made his bed. After he finished eating, I helped him dress. He told me of his agenda for the day as I pulled his shirt on over his head. “Oh, and Merlin,” he said, quiet and apologetic now. “I’m going to be going away for a fortnight. I’ll be working with Bayard’s court to settle that proposal to trade wool for grain if my father approves of it.”

“Will I be going with you?” I asked.

“No,” he said with a pause long enough for me to stop dressing him and look up at him. “I’ve requested another servant for the trip.”

“Have I been that terrible?” My heart had dropped past my feet and I was trying to make sense of it all.

“No, Merlin. It’s… because of my feelings towards you. I can’t allow- I can’t allow these types of distractions right now,” Arthur tried to explain and ran a hand through his hair.

“I’m a distraction?” I asked in a whisper.

“Yes, you… I… Sometimes I can’t help myself when you’re around. And that’s dangerous, Merlin. If my father were to find out that we’ve even kissed or that you’ve helped me with this proposal, he’d likely banish you or imprison you. I just need to clear my head,” he explained and sat on the edge of his bed.

We were quiet again, and I stared at my feet, willing myself not to cry or curse him. “When do you leave?” I finally asked.

“Tomorrow,” he said.

“Oh.”

“Merlin, I’m sorry. I’ve never meant to hurt you,” he said and reached for my hand and then thought better of it and dropped his back onto his lap.

“Right,” I sighed and got back to work, clearing his breakfast tray.

For the rest of the time he was in Camelot before he left, I sent in another servant. I didn’t see him again for the fortnight. I wasn’t really angry with Arthur over his choice to leave, I logically understood what he was doing. But, I couldn’t help feeling hurt and confused. Why couldn’t we just keep it a secret that we were together? Why couldn’t he just man up and and fully admit his feelings? If this was our destiny, then why couldn’t it just get started already? I figured, when he returned maybe he would have determined some answers… or maybe hire on the new servant full time.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the ideas CollectivePonds and mrskhenderson10!! I had a few ideas, but I LOVED yours! Hope you've stuck around to read this!
> 
> Sorry for the delay, as usual. Husband's are high maintenance creatures. XD
> 
> Let's piss off Prince Prat, shall we?
> 
> xoxo

After a fortnight, Arthur did return to Camelot. Rumors preceded him, though. Rumors that he had been romantic with Bayard’s middle daughter, and that they were set to be wed, and that she was with child. I didn’t know what was true but I didn’t want to find out, either. Arthur had been successful with his proposal to trade wool for grain, and came back to a celebration. The king had ordered a feast in celebration of Arthur’s successful return for the day he got back.

            So, I was busy preparing and didn’t have to go see Arthur. Morgana was also preparing. She had come up with the idea to make Arthur jealous and realize his true feelings for me. I had laughed when she said “true feelings” because if he did have romantic feelings towards me then why did I clean out his chamber pot every morning? But Morgana had insisted that if knights and noblemen were flirting with me then Arthur would finally see my value. Other than the whole chamber pot business, of course.

            Which is how I found myself being gifted flowers, fabric, and kisses on the hand by almost every young nobleman and knight I came across. It was a wonderful day, if I were to be honest. Everywhere I went in the castle, there was a man winking at me or wanting to have a chat. A blush was permanently on my cheeks and my face hurt from smiling. I felt guilty for enjoying it so much, knowing that it was fake and Morgana had likely paid each of them.

            Arthur definitely noticed this odd treatment. A nobleman, I hadn’t caught his name, was kissing my hand in the hall just outside Arthur’s chambers. The doors burst open and Arthur strode out only to stop in his tracks when he saw us. I looked over to see his eyes narrowed.

            “Sir Phillips, is there something you require of my servant?” Arthur asked, a hint of a demanding anger in his tone.

            “Oh, only a moment to gaze at her pretty visage,” Sir Phillips said with a wink to me.

            I ducked my head and blushed.

            “Hm, the amount of time it would take to find a redeemable trait in this waif of a servant would force us all into retirement. If you don’t mind, Merlin needs to get to work on cleaning my chambers,” Arthur said with forced boredom.

            Sir Phillips made a polite escape while I was stuck standing in front of Arthur for the first time in a few weeks. I crossed my arms and glared at him. “You didn’t have to be so mean,” I snapped at him.

            Arthur looked apologetic for a second before he recovered. “He was being improper and I’m sure I’ve just saved you from a boring lifetime of talk of shipyards and trading.”

            “I don’t care. You were rude. I’m not cleaning your chambers,” I said and stomped away from him. “Oh, and welcome back Prince Prat!” I called over my shoulder.

            I was asked to dance seven times at Arthur’s welcome back feast. And I never cleaned his chambers.

            Some type of word had traveled fast and I grew increasingly worried about what Morgana had been telling the knights about me. Now men I was sure Morgana had not paid were approaching me in the corridors. When I asked Morgana about it, she only laughed and said it was whatever the men needed to hear. I wasn’t soothed by this answer. In fact, I was angered and I stomped about the castle until dinner. It was my turn to serve the royal family and I wasn’t looking forward to seeing any of them.

            I carried in the venison platter and served the king. Normally the king never acknowledged me as I worked, but today he was watching me carefully. I wondered if maybe I’d gotten a stain on my dress or my hair was a mess.

            “Merlin,” Uther said as I served Arthur some venison.

            “Y- yes, your highness?” I stuttered.

            “You should wear your hair down more often,” he said in a kind tone.

            His eyes looked a mixture of kind and predatory and it was a foreign expression to me. I didn’t understand it.

            Arthur kicked at me. “Th- thank you, s-sire,” I said and bowed.

            Morgana was stifling a laugh behind her napkin. This was funny to her. This weird rumor circuit that was going around and around about me was amusing to her. I felt betrayed and mislead.  A friend wouldn’t do this.

            I finished serving the dinner in stony silence. Arthur left in an angry rush as soon as they stood from the table. I was sure that he was just as confused and angry as I was. I didn’t clean his chambers.

            After I cleared the table, Sir Leon found me in the kitchens. “Hey, Merlin, some of us are going down to the inn to have a few drinks. Would you like to join?” he asked genuinely. I sighed, about to say no. But the way he asked was so casual and friendly that I knew he didn’t have an ulterior motive.

            “Absolutely,” I said and left with him.

            Leon talked amicably with me as we walked to the inn. Golden light shone through the windows and I was able to see a packed table of rowdy knights. “Can Gwen join us?” I asked as we passed her house just before the inn.

            “Sure,” Leon shrugged.

            Gwen had just gotten in from seeing Morgana to bed and was just about to turn in herself. She agreed to go with me to the inn, mostly to make sure I behaved myself. And we entered the brightly lit and loud inn arm in arm next to Leon.

            We had a few mugs of mulled mead and we were feeling warm despite the cool chill outside the building. Sir Leon asked me to dance as a band struck up a tune and another knight asked Gwen. When I spun around to the music, I noticed Arthur in the front near the door like he’d just arrived. Leon and the other knights called out greetings and Arthur smirked at their attention. But his eyes never left me dancing with Leon. Then another knight came up and asked to dance. I danced with three knights before Arthur got up and left, the door slamming shut behind him.

            I felt bad for making him so angry. I didn’t know what I had expected from this act to get him jealous. I wasn’t sure if I knew what jealousy looked like when I agreed to the plan. Gwen saw me looking at the door Arthur just left.

            “So Morgana got the details on Bayard’s daughter… they’re false! Well, mostly. Arthur told his father that Bayard offered one of his daughters as part of the trade instead of grain. Arthur, of course, didn’t agree. And the rest are just false rumors,” Gwen whispered to me.

             A strange sense of relief flooded over me, but was immediately taken over by more guilt. I sighed and smiled at Gwen to thank her for the information.

            “Merlin, tonight at midnight is the Druid Samhain celebration,” Leon said quietly. I had almost forgotten about the holiday as Uther didn’t order a feast for it this year. “A couple of the knights are going tonight, are you interested in joining us?”

            I considered it for a moment, and looked to Gwen who was hiding a yawn behind her hand. “Yes, but not Gwen.”

            Leon smiled. “We’ll leave soon.”

Later that night, Leon pulled me along through the woods, surrounded by knights and darkness, and the sound of excited whispers and crickets. I was full of anxious excitement at the thought of seeing the Druids again. It had been months since the fires of Beltane and their strange rituals. I wondered what they had in store for Samhain. When we reached the blazing bonfire in the clearing by the lake, everything felt darker and more dangerous. A chill went down my spine and I clutched Leon’s hand tighter. I was suddenly glad I hadn’t brought Gwen; she would be talking sense into me for us to leave.

Everyone that was there already was wearing dark cloaks and paint on their faces, some even wore masks. Their faces were indistinguishable and their heads hidden under cloaks. Someone came up to me and Leon and handed us cloaks as another person came and painted our faces with paint that smelled like earth and berries. Their faces were smiling and welcoming under the paint.

More and more Druids sat down with their drums as the drum circle began. A few of the knights joined in with borrowed drums. I remembered the way Arthur and I had danced at Beltane. At least this time there wasn’t going to be a fertility dance. Gaius had told me that Samhain was a holiday marking the day the dead could walk the earth with the living and that the Druids disguised themselves to protect themselves from the dead, and used fires to ward off unwelcome spirits. It was a time of prophecy and fortune telling.

Leon and I split up soon after we donned our cloaks and face paint. I wandered alone through the people around the fire. My magic was alive and thrumming in my veins, almost audible in my ears despite the drumming Druids. Many of the Druids felt me approach and turned and bowed to me as I walked by. A Druid woman took me by the hand and brought me to where the food and drinks were. “Emrys, we were wondering if you’d come tonight,” she said. She handed me a goblet. “This is apple wine from apples harvested on the day of last year’s Samhain.”

“Thank you,” I said and took a sip of the wine.

“I want you to know that we, the Druids, are not upset by what happened at the Isle of the Blessed. Nimueh was challenging your destiny- you did what you had to do,” the woman said.

“And what, exactly, is my destiny?” I asked. Perhaps the Druids could give me more answers than the dragon.

She smiled kindly. “That is not my place to say, your highness. Perhaps you should visit our Seers tonight. As Samhain is the night of prophecy!”

She gave me an apple tart from the table and I walked and ate. I couldn’t tell knight from Druid as I walked through the people. But my magic was pulling me towards the drum circle. Some people were dancing in the free movements I admired at Beltane. Their breaths coming out in puffs as the cool autumn night settled in. One person came up to me and invited me to dance, it was Leon, I recognized him when he was close enough to hear his voice. He twirled me around in a dance mixing the choreographed moves from court with the free Druid dance movements. It was fun and we laughed and laughed as we made up our own dance. Apple wine was still heavy on my tongue when Leon picked me up and spun about, our painted noses almost touching. My hands were on his shoulders as he spun and I looked up at the spinning starry sky. When he put me down he was laughing and he gave a little bow and kissed my hand. He stepped away from me and I went back for more apple wine and another tart.

Magic tugged at me and I looked in the direction it wanted me to go. It was my magic, I recognized it, but it felt a little different. It was leading me to the candlelit path to an apple tree. I gulped down the rest of my wine and followed my magic. A young girl, undisguised and beautiful, was sitting next to the tree with a little dagger.

“Welcome, Emrys. This is our oldest apple tree, it has lasted many storms and generations. It is believed that it’s fruit has magical properties. If you’d like, I could read your fortune,” she offered in a voice like clear water.

“Um, sure,” I said. Why not?

“Choose an apple from the tree. The one that calls for you,” she directed.

I circled the tree and found one that seemed to glow. It was low enough that I only had to jump to reach it. It practically vibrated in my hands. I handed it to the girl and sat in front of her.

She smiled and considered me for a moment. I pulled down my hood so she could see my painted face. She looked over my shoulder at someone who had approached. I looked back to see another hooded and painted person. I couldn’t see his face, but I was sure he was male.

The girl considered the man and then me again. She looked calmed by his presence so I figured he was a friend of hers. The man stood behind me and seemed to watch the girl.

“Now that you’ve chosen an apple from the ancient tree, I will peel it and tell you of your future,” she said. She used her dagger to start at the top and peel the apple in one slow slide. “It seems as though a romance is what troubles you most. It is so sad, Merlin, I feel as though I want to cry for you now,” she said her voice choking up. “Oh but Merlin, he feels so sad, too. There is likely to be anger if your feelings are made known and secrets are said. The right decision for now has been made, Merlin, and that’s why it’s so sad. There is much passion between you and this man. So much passion. Oh- you’ve already kissed! Do not fret, my dear Merlin,” she said, not even looking at the apple that she was peeling. She looked in my direction, but through me. “Do not fret for he is the sun and you are the moon and neither can exist without the other and together you create a harmony between worlds. Stay strong, Merlin, for your husband’s name will begin with-” she stopped speaking and threw the finished apple peel over her shoulder.

I stood and looked at the peel. I gasped.

No.

There had to be-

No.

But _yes_. So, so much _yes._ I trembled with conflicted emotions.

“A!” the Seer girl said.

I turned and ran, feeling suddenly like I needed to be at home and away from here. There were footsteps behind me but somehow I knew the person following me meant no harm. I looked to the hooded figures by the drum circle and tried to find Leon. I pulled down my hood and hoped he would recognize me. My magic reached out for him desperately.

“Merlin! Over here!” the knight’s voice said.

I ran to him; tears I didn’t realize I had cried on my face. He lowered his hood when he saw my distress. A few of the other knights circled around me and pulled down their hoods, as well.

“What happened? Are you alright?” Leon asked, running his hands down my arms as if to assess for injury.

I nodded, not sure what to say.

“Did someone hurt you?” Leon asked, looking around at the people behind the knights.

“N-no, I just saw a Seer and she gave me a fortune and- and-” I tried to explain some of what happened.

“Merlin, I know magic is scary having lived in Camelot. But I’m sure the Seer didn’t mean to scare you,” Leon soothed in a calm voice.

“I know, I just need to go home,” I said and wiped tears and paint from my cheeks.

“I’ll take her home,” a familiar voice said from outside the small circle of knights.

My magic immediately reached out and grabbed hold of him like coming home after a long day. I turned around quickly and the knights parted to let a hooded man in. He pulled down the hood and it was Arthur.

“Sire, I didn’t know you were interested in coming tonight,” Leon was saying in a happy tone but I barely heard it over the sound of my rushing magic and stomach churning anxiety when I realized what Arthur was holding. A peeled apple.

“I came to Beltane, why not Samhain?” Arthur asked light heartedly, even though he was staring intensely at me, his expression unreadable.

“Right, well thank you for coming, Merlin. It was wonderful dancing with you,” Leon said and kissed my hand again.

“Thanks, Leon,” I croaked out, not looking at him.

Arthur swiftly grabbed my hand and pulled me from the circle of confused knights and practically ran with me out of the clearing and into the woods. My hand was gripped in his with a strong hold and I was being pulled along as Arthur rushed through the woods back to the castle. One of us had sweaty palms but it didn’t lessen the grip he had on me. Arthur was skilled at navigating himself through the woods and was able to jump over logs and not trip over branches before I even realized something was in front of me. I stumbled along behind him, tripping, and ripping my dress and legs on thorny branches. The darkness was more dizzying than Leon spinning me around while we danced. I had to concentrate at not falling and getting my arm ripped out of its socket by Arthur.

He led me to a river not far out of Camelot, the one that fed our wells, and finally let go of my hand. Moonlight was able to reach us now since the trees opened up for the river. He didn’t look at me, he only tore off his dark cloak and kneeled hard at the edge of the water and scrubbed the paint from his face. The peeled apple, turning brown, was dropped at the waters edge. It reflected light and looked like a little moon falling from his hands and rolling along the shore.

I pulled off the cloak with shaking hands and practically fell at the shore of the river, my hands slapping against the wet stones. I scooped up some water and splashed my face. The water was cold and made me gasp with shock. The paint ran into my eyes, making them feel gritty. I scooped up more cold water and scrubbed and realized that I had begun sobbing into my hands. There was a turmoil of emotions in me- embarrassment at my behavior in front of the knights, shame that Arthur saw me with the Seer, confusion at the Seer’s words, anger at myself for being so affected, and fear for what was going to come next.

            “Merlin, what the hell is going on?” Arthur demanded, finally speaking. He was still kneeling in the cold water, his palms in the mud.

            I shook my head, my throat too thick with tears to speak.

            “I come back after a fortnight away and… and… you’re being courted by half of Camelot. Including a few of my knights. Not to mention- ugh- not to mention my _father_! And then I follow you to a midnight _Druid_ celebration where you are accompanied by men and cloaked and masked sorcerers! Merlin, I don’t know what’s gotten into you _or_ what is happening in Camelot right now,” Arthur ranted and then caught sight of the peeled apple. He picked it up. “And what was with that girl? That Seer? Saying that you’ve already kissed your future husband, who’s name starts with ‘A’? Does she mean _me?_ And what of combining worlds? Merlin, do you know what she means?”

            His voice was frantic and I felt even worse for making him feel like this. While some of it was intended, trying to get him to feel jealous, I had never intended to screw it up any further and hurt him in the process. I was still kneeling in the mud on the shore, my shaking hands on river rocks, still sobbing.

            “ _Merlin_?” Arthur shouted when I didn’t answer. I couldn’t remember the last time I saw him this angry at me. His eyes blazing and nostrils flared with loud, controlled breathing.

            I looked up at him. He had fire in his eyes and a whole lot of fear.

            “I DON’T KNOW!” I screamed back at him. It was part guttural yell with shrill girlish scream mixed in. My sobs were now audible to him as I let them go.

            “What do you mean you don’t know?!” he yelled at me, moving towards me, his hands covered in river clay and mud.

            I took a moment to collect myself before shouting back. “I meant that I was trying to make you jealous but it went too far!”

            “Define ‘too far!’” Arthur said, panic in his voice.

            “There were too many of them- and then there was your father!” I explained poorly, wiping my hair from my face but just smearing mud from my hand over my forehead.

            “You need to be more specific, Merlin. Did anyone _touch_ you? Did my fath-” Fear and panic was so evident in his voice that I felt even worse, which I didn’t know I could feel.

            “NO! No! Nobody touched me. But I thought it would just be a few of them and then Morgana talked more into flirting with me and I didn’t know it would be this big,” I explained harshly, now sitting on the edge of the water. My dress was now soaked and covered in mud, my legs still bleeding from the run through the woods.

            “Morgana did this?! Did she get my father to approach you?!” Arthur spat, disgusted. He ran a hand through his hair, unintentionally making it stick up in every direction with mud.

            I shook my head. “She didn’t get the king to do anything. I don’t know how that happened.”

            “There were probably rumors about you being good to noblemen!” he shouted again.

            “I don’t care about rumors, Arthur! All I care about is how people I love think of me! Not strangers!” I shouted back as I pulled a thorn from my shin. I hissed as blood trickled down my leg.

            “I _do_ care about rumors about you!” Arthur continued to shout.

            “Maybe that’s our problem! You care too much about what others think! Maybe if you cared less about that we wouldn’t be in this situation!” I yelled at him, anger and magic bubbling in my chest.

            “Oh! So this is all my fault?!” Arthur let out a barking, humorless laugh.

            “Yes! No! Ugh, Arthur! I really don’t know!” I yelled and pulled my dress skirts up to my knees, looking for more thorns. Propriety be damned at this point.

            Arthur stood up and paced the stream, his muddy hands on his hips, staining his white tunic. We were quiet for some time. The only sounds were the rustling of the trees, the course of the river, the crunch and grind of rocks under Arthur’s boots as he paced, and my occasional swearing as I tried to treat my scrapes on my legs.

            “The Seer,” Arthur said suddenly, making me jump. Not at his volume, but at the suddenness of his voice.

            “What about her?” I asked, dread filling me.

            “Did she mean- we would be married?!” he asked me. A quiet desperation in his voice, with a childlike innocence. My heart dropped into my stomach.

            I shrugged. “Maybe.”

            “How can you shrug this off, Merlin?” He asked incredulously.

            “I need time to think about this,” I explained.

            “Well, think now because we aren’t going back to the castle until we’re sorted,” Arthur said with finality.

            It had to be close to five in the morning at this point and Arthur wanted to stay here. I gave a big yawn. What was I going to tell him? How was I going to explain this? I mulled over my options for what felt like hours. Arthur looked at me, covered in mud. He stood up and offered me a hand. I stood up with his help and he led me to the river. He toed off his boots and I followed suit. The water was cold on my toes as we walked into the water. He looked back at me with a slight smirk as we waded deeper into the river, the cold water swirling around us. He gripped my hand as we slipped and tentatively walked into the river until my breasts were mostly submerged. At this point the current was strong enough to push me into Arthur, who had enough balance and weight to keep him upright and still. My jaw chattered from the cold, but I suspected anxiety fueled the shaking as well.

            I looked up at his face as my body was pressed against his from the current. His face was covered in mud and the paint from the Druids still. But his eyes were searching and open to me, his teeth also chattering. I took a deep breath. “I’ve heard it before.”

            He closed his eyes and turned his face down but didn’t say anything.

            “I didn’t know it was meant to be marriage though,” I sighed, knowing he had no idea what I was saying. “I was told that my destiny was with you to… create a new Camelot together. And I thought it simply meant helping you write treaties and proposals like I’ve been doing. Helping you create a Camelot better than the one you inherit. But… the Seer at the apple tree, she said _marriage_ and that scared me so much, Arthur.”

            I had given him enough of the truth to ease my guilt and explain a little to him.

            Arthur opened his eyes and considered me. I wiped mud and paint from his face as he watched me. When his face was clean I looked down and saw that my tattered and torn light blue dress was surrounding him. I felt a blush creep up to my cheeks when I noticed that my breasts were clearly defined and visible through my wet dress. The cold water making my nipples hard against the thin material. I wished for the dark Druid cloak. I looked to his chest and saw that his white tunic was wet and almost entirely transparent. I could see the hard muscle of his chest beneath. I looked up to his face to see him clearly staring at my breasts. His eyes were hooded and dilated. My blush grew deeper.

            “It scared me too,” Arthur said finally, looking up and making eye contact with me. He sighed. “But it also relieved me. I can hardly explain it, Merlin. I just know that I don’t want you to be banished or imprisoned or worse because of our relationship. And I know that would happen, it’s the law. But I also know that whenever I see you I want to kiss you. Every morning when you come in I want to pull you into my bed but I know that I can’t.”

            I didn’t know what to do but I laughed at the image. Joy swirled around me with my magic after hearing his words.

            “What’s so funny?” he asked, chuckling.

            “I want that, too!” I said through my laughter.

            Behind me the sun was rising. We had been out all night. The thought of Gaius looking for me and Uther looking for Arthur made me laugh harder. We had spent the night in the forest arguing. And now we would return to the castle, well after sunrise, dirty and disheveled and together. To think Arthur was worried about rumors before….

            Arthur rested his forehead against mine and closed his eyes. My laughter died down to a smile. “I feel so selfish,” he sighed, his arms encircling me.

            “Apparently it’s our destiny, though. Unless, I should be looking for an Alexander or an Adam. Oh, maybe Lancelot’s first name is actually Ancelot and we’ve all misheard him and he was too polite to corr-”

            Arthur’s lips were on mine, scorching hot compared to the cold water surrounding us. He kissed like he was showing me just who the hell “A” was, once and for all. I didn’t feel the cold of the water anymore, my magic sparked into action and wove through us tightening and tightening until I thought I’d burst. I went up on my toes to kiss him better and the current swept me off my feet, my legs going on either side of his waist. He gripped me tight, his arms wrapped around my back.

            When he pulled away his lips were blue and he was shivering. I realized I was also freezing and was tempted to use magic to warm us up to keep kissing him. But instead I squealed and laughed “It’s so cold!” through a chattering jaw. I waded as fast as I could through the water to the dark cloaks on the shore. I wrapped one around me as Arthur did the same beside me.

            “I want to light a fire to warm up, but we’ve got to get back,” Arthur said as the servants’ bells rang in the distance. “I’ve got to train the knights in an hour.”

            “Yeah, and I saw your room earlier. You’ve left it a mess,” I said with a sigh.

            “It was to get you to stick around longer,” he said with a sly grin.

            “And you’ve succeeded, it’s going to take me ages,” I laughed as we began a quick paced walk back to Camelot.

            It didn’t take us long to get to the castle, but it took some time to sneak around unseen. I went back to Gaius’ and Arthur went to his chambers, planting a quick kiss on my cheek before leaving. I was still bright red with a blush when I opened the door to Gaius’ chambers.

            Gaius was inside, making breakfast. He paused a moment when I walked in, taking in the dark cloak I had not owned before last night, the redness of my cheeks, and the wet hair around my shoulders. “Don’t tell me because I do not wish to know,” he said and continued making his breakfast. He looked outside and then back at me. “You should hurry; Arthur will be wanting his breakfast.”

            “You’re probably right, Gaius,” I said with a secret grin as I rushed up to my room to get changed.

 


End file.
